Fire and Ice
by kinole009x
Summary: Morgana mysteriously gets pregnant via magic, although she has no idea by who.  She turns to Merlin and Gaius for help, and shortly after, discovers that someone is using her in their sinister, evil plot to create a monster that will destroy Camelot.
1. Prologue: The Purple Vase

_A/N: I wanted to start by saying that I hope this doesn't seem like the ridiculous storyline ever. I hope it can be taken seriously...but I did have a whole lot of fun writing this prologue. _

_This takes place in season two, some time after "The Nightmare Begins." Morgana is not exactly evil yet...and I don't really intend to turn her evil in this particular story._

_Well, here it goes. Any feedback is appreciated greatly._

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><p><em>Prologue: The Purple Vase<em>

The Lady Morgana had never thrown up in front of anyone before.

She had especially never thrown up in front of Prince Arthur's servant, so labeled at times by Arthur himself as Merlin the Idiot, who with an armful of chainmail, had tripped over Morgana's foot, and dropped absolutely everything.

But then again, that was more her fault than his.

After another almost sleepless night, Morgana had dressed herself and decided to take a walk through the corridors, hoping to refresh herself in some way. She was hardly ever up this early and it fascinated her…so many people hurrying this way and that, greeting the day, living their lives. Did it really take this much effort _this_ _early_ in the morning to keep the castle running smoothly?

She had been standing at the window in one particular corridor, watching with great interest as the people of Camelot began their day in the streets below, when her stomach had heaved and clamping a hand over her mouth, she had run to the nearest object – a large, purple vase next to a large white column, just across the hall from the window she had been standing at.

Morgana had fallen to her knees, feeling sicker than the dog she often saw wandering outside the city gates. The dog that looked positively diseased but that was most likely not, Gwen had assured her, and just suffered from unfortunate genes. Morgana kept the image of the dog in her head now as she tried not to think about vomit.

And that's when she had felt someone trip over her outlying foot and a soft, ringing crash as chainmail fell to the floor. Morgana had turned, absolutely mortified that anyone would see her in such a predicament, and had seen Merlin on his knees as well, surrounding by scattered material.

She supposed she should have been relieved that it hadn't been Uther who had caught her throwing up in his expensive, pretty, castle vase in public. But she wasn't relieved. Merlin was her friend and she didn't like looking helpless in front of her friends.

The chainmail hadn't been Merlin's top priority. He had inched closer to her, concern filling every feature of his young face and practically exploding out of his deep, blue eyes.

"Milady, are you all right?"

Morgana had forced herself to put on her most presentable smile. "Of course I am," she said, in an effort to be cheerful and to get him to _go away_, so she could figure out what to do with her vase full of puke.

Merlin gave her a disbelieving look, one that she saw him sometimes give Arthur when they were out in the woods hunting and Arthur was trying to navigate the way. He clearly didn't think she was all right. And maybe she wasn't.

"I'm just not feeling well today," Morgana tried to assure him, still holding tightly to her attempt at cheer. Desperate to get away from his searching gaze, she unsteadily got to her feet and walked a few feet away, to where the chainmail was scattered. She began to pick some of it up, but Merlin quickly scrambled to his feet and gathered up the rest.

"You should rest," he told her.

Morgana placed the chainmail she had gathered on top of the pile in his arms. Not knowing what else to say, she said what she supposed would be the right thing. "I'm sorry for tripping you, Merlin."

"No need to be sorry," he told her, as he began to back away, as if afraid that she would collapse or something ridiculous if he turned. He stopped for the slightest moment. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes," Morgana said, pulling out her radiant smile once again. "Thank you, Merlin."

Merlin gave her a nod and a sweet smile of his own, before turning and going on his merry way. Morgana stood by the window, to give off the appearance that she wanted to continue to people watch.

But as soon as Merlin turned the corner, she spun around and snatched the purple vase and hurried away with it.

And because this happened to be one of the most unfortunate days of her life, Morgana ran into one of the last people she wanted to see at that moment in time - Arthur. What was _he_ doing up so early?

"Morgana," he said, looking down at the vase before looking back up at her. "Where are you going with _that_ this early in the morning?"

Morgana met his gaze confidently. "I really, really like this. And I'm taking it to my room so I can look at it forevermore." And with that, she hurried away, not even bothering to turn back and notice the bewildered look on Arthur's face.

When Morgana got to her room, she got to her knees in front of her fireplace and tried to light a match. Over and over again she tried, occasionally looking at the closed door, knowing Gwen would arrive at any moment. "Light," she murmured. "Light!"

It wasn't until she heard footsteps outside in the corridor that her desperation heightened. "Light!" she practically pleaded in a loud, demanding tone. She felt a sudden force within her as she looked at the fireplace and realized that she had lit it herself.

With her magic.

Quickly, she threw the purple vase into the fire. It shattered before the flames engulfed it.

Thoroughly exhausted by her morning adventure, the Lady Morgana crawled back into bed.

It had been an ugly vase anyway.


	2. Chapter 1: The Diseased Dog

_Chapter 1: The Diseased Dog_

Morgana studied her reflection in the mirror and frowned. Amidst the long, dark brown hair and purple silk (a _much_ lighter and prettier purple than the dark ugly vase from that morning, she noted), there was something terribly wrong. Something just didn't look – or feel – quite right.

"Gwen?"

"Yes, milady?" Gwen asked from behind her, pulling the laces of her dress tightly as she helped her dress for the day.

"Am I getting fat?"

Gwen's glanced at Morgana in the mirror, before turning her eyes back to her work. "Don't be silly."

That did not make Morgana feel any better. She continued to scrutinize her figure, not able to tear her gaze away. It was quite like a bad, gruesome battle scene; you don't want to look but you can't help it.

When Gwen was done, she stood back. "There," she said cheerfully.

"Thank you Gwen," Morgana said quietly, drifting away from the mirror and over to the window. Going to the window always helped her clear her mind. Glancing down into the square below, she expected to see the knights or servants or people of Camelot, and instead saw the dog – the same odd, diseased dog that she had seen outside the city quite some time ago. She furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of it. How strange that she had only been thinking about it this morning and then, it happened to show up right under her nose – and window.

Standing with a grip on the dog's scruffy neck, talking to Sir Leon, was Arthur. Morgana inhaled sharply, before turning and running out of the room, a surprised Gwen calling after her.

Morgana didn't really know how she knew for sure, but she assumed that Arthur was going to do something to the dog just because it didn't look normal. She knew it. And she knew she had to put a stop to it. Frustration ate away at her as she hurried down the corridors. Hadn't she used to be able to run faster than this? She felt like a sloth.

She reached the main steps and carefully began to step down them as quickly as she could without falling down them. She rushed past Sir Leon, who was conveniently leaving, and Merlin, who was standing near Arthur, per usual. Arthur nodded to her as she approached.

"Good morning, Morgana," he said cheerfully. "Are you enjoying your vase?"

Morgana ignored him. "What are you doing with that dog?"

"The dog is obviously sick and will infect the people of Camelot," Arthur told her rationally, releasing his hold on the dog. "And so we must be rid of it."

Furious, Morgana glared at him. "You're going to kill him."

"Him?" Arthur glanced down at the dog. "Since when did you decide it was a _he_?"

Morgana fell to her knees and threw her arms around the oblivious dog, who wagged his tail happily.

With a look of exasperation, Arthur turned away and looked around, before turning back. "Morgana, the people don't want to see the king's ward on her knees cuddling a diseased animal."

"There's _nothing_ wrong with this dog," Morgana stroked a crooked, brown ear. "He is _not_ sick."

"And how would you know that?" Arthur asked her. "Did he tell you so himself?"

Morgana's level of frustration heightened. _Why_ wasn't he listening to her? Why didn't anyone seem to take her seriously at important moments such as this?

"You will _not_ kill him just because he's ugly," she whispered. She never had particular liked the word ugly, but at the moment it seemed no other word would do. The dog's dark brown fur was long in some spots, and short in others. His skin was showing in random patches, the smooth pinkness scarred by who knew what. A chunk of his nose was missing.

Arthur got down on one knee and put his face very close to hers so that no one would hear him. "Morgana," he said in an impossibly low voice. "I'm begging you to go back into the castle. On bended knee, I beg you, Morgana." He looked around briefly. "People are starting to stare."

"Good," she shot back.

"Morgana…"

"If you kill this poor, innocent dog then you are no better than Uther," she hissed, taking her arms away from the dog and standing. She looked down at him and added quietly, "You are no better than Uther, who murders people for living their lives with something they can't control."

Arthur nodded, acknowledging her argument. Morgana spun on her heel and stormed back to the castle, passing Merlin on the way.

"Good morning, Merlin," she said in an angry huff, before she ascended the white steps.

"Good morning, milady," Merlin replied, trying not to smile.

Gwen was waiting for her at the door at the top of the stairs. "Milady, are you all right?"

Morgana stopped and looked back to the square, where Merlin was now kneeling next to the dog, scratching his ears. The dog wagged its tail in apparent bliss. Merlin stood up and motioned to the dog as he looked at Arthur. Arthur reached down slowly and petted the dog awkwardly.

"I'm fine, Gwen," she said, turning back to her maidservant and trusted friend. "I just don't feel well."

"You look tired," Gwen agreed, taking her arm and helping her into the castle.

Morgana allowed Gwen to lead her, hoping desperately that Arthur would take her words to heart and have mercy on the poor creature.

/

However, the moment Morgana reached her chambers, she was informed by a fidgeting guard that Uther was awaiting her presence in the throne room on a matter of the greatest urgency. Morgana thanked the young man and told him she would be there momentarily. Then she slammed the door and marched with great purpose to her mirror.

She stood straight and tall, with what she considered perfect posture. Perhaps she had been slouching before. Yes, that had to be it. Poor posture always made one look squat. But as she stood, she noticed the curve of her belly had only grown larger. Her eyes widened in horror as she turned to Gwen.

"Gwen," she whispered. "It's gotten bigger."

Gwen looked up from where she was smoothing down the bed covers. "Nonsense," she said gently. "You've only been away a few minutes, milady."

Morgana turned back to the mirror, internally panicking.

"You look beautiful as always," Gwen added reassuringly.

Morgana couldn't help but smile, not at the compliment but at Gwen's attempt to make her feel better.

"You're very sweet, Gwen," she said, taking Gwen's arm companionably as they walked to the throne room together. It was partly on Morgana's part an act of friendship, but also an act of support. She was so anxious and nauseas…and _tired_…that she feared she would simply fall down without an arm to hold her up.

The throne room was already filled with people – the usual knights and servants and Arthur and Gaius and Merlin and so on and so forth, Morgana noted. She walked as confidently as she could down the middle path between of the two sides of people, staring at Uther as she did so, wondering what his "matter of greatest urgency" could possibly be. Most likely a _matter of greatest urgency_ to him only.

She had to force herself to keep walking even as she watched as his eyes noticed her belly. Morgana narrowed her eyes and he looked away quickly. She sat next to him and crossed her right leg over her left, so that her belly was facing away from him, as if that would make what he had seen go away.

Morgana couldn't listen as Uther began his meeting. She heard the familiar droning of his tone in her ears, buzzing like an irritating, insistent bee, but the nature of what he was saying was something she couldn't care less about. He had noticed her larger belly. He was going to think she was getting fat. Perhaps he would feed her less. She internally growled at the thought.

But how had he noticed, when Gwen hadn't? Gwen was so…_honest_…about anything and everything. And if Uther had noticed…then who else had? Slowly, her eyes rose to take in the crowd before her. So many pairs of eyes, so many opportunities for people to see her…She felt herself snake an arm around her midsection, as if that would make it less obvious.

She couldn't force herself to care about what Uther was saying until she heard the word "dog." Only then did she sit up straighter and drop her right leg, forgetting about her belly and thinking about something that was more important at that moment.

"The people of Camelot have seen this rabid dog around the city," Uther announced smoothly, staring at Arthur, who was standing before them. "They fear it."

"The city will be rid of the dog immediately," Arthur replied obediently.

"Yes," Uther agreed, leaning back in his throne. "You will kill it immediately so that not a drop of harm comes to any subject."

Arthur's eyes flickered briefly to Morgan's, before settling once again on his father. He showed no emotion. "Perhaps we could just set it free into the woods. Perhaps killing it won't be necessary."

"Nonsense," Uther said dismissively. "The beast will just infect another town. It is to die." And that was the end of his meeting for his _matter of greatest urgency_.

As people began to file out of the room, Morgana turned to the king. "My lord," she said. "Surely it's unnecessary to bring death upon such an innocent animal?"

"Surely not," Uther said, turning away from her and looking to the approaching court physician. "Gaius, my pains have begun to grow worse again…"

Morgana stood up. "It's done nothing wrong."

"Yet!" Uther replied vehemently, turning back to her. "The beast has done nothing _yet_. We can't give it the luxury of time, Morgana. It will infect the people of Camelot. My duty is to protect them by killing this threat."

"It's not a beast!" Morgana knew she was getting passionate and that her retorts were going to get her into trouble, but she didn't care. This was Uther's way she knew – killing anything that was a threat. Uther believed that you did not talk to or reason with or set free threats. You merely destroyed them. She would not let Uther go unchallenged.

"It is," Uther stood up as well. "It's a dirty, foul, loathsome beast."

"I beg you to show some mercy," Morgana said, her voice rising. "I beg you to show some…_kindness_."

"Morgana!" he snapped. "My decision is final. You will abide by it and be thankful that you aren't contaminated by its filth." And with that, he turned and strode away – because, Morgana noticed, that's what he seemed to do, _strut_ – with Gaius.

Morgana stormed the length of the throne room, trying to fight back angry tears of frustration. She didn't know why she felt such a connection to the dog. Perhaps she was just so sick of Uther's death sentences. And to sentence a dog to death…a single tear slid down her left cheek as she burst through the heavy doors.

Arthur was waiting there, leaning against the corridor wall, with Merlin standing next to him, his eyes on the stone floor. Morgana stopped when she saw them.

"How will you do it, Arthur?" she whispered fiercely. "How do you plan on destroying that pitiful, sweet dog?"

"I don't," Arthur replied simply, pushing himself off the wall with his boot.

Morgana folded her arms, waiting for him to explain himself. She was in no mood for guessing games.

"Morgana, this dog isn't worth your tears," Arthur said in a gentle voice that she was not used to. "I understand you value lives, but this mutt that can barely put one paw in front of the other – what is his life to you?"

Morgana couldn't find the words. She couldn't tell Arthur she felt a connection with the dog – he would laugh in her face. Instead, she found herself turning to Merlin, who had lifted his gaze from the floor.

Merlin said nothing. He knew it wasn't his place to say anything at that moment. But Morgana saw much sympathy and support in his deep eyes and she took strength from that. Tearing her gaze away, she faced Arthur again. "All lives matter," she said quietly. "No matter what you are."

Arthur nodded. "Fair enough," he said, taking her arm and leading her away from the doors of the throne room. "Well Morgana, I can tell you one thing. I'm not going to kill your friend."

"What are you going to do then?" Morgana asked, recoiling slightly as they passed a purple vase almost identical to the one she had destroyed that morning.

"You'll see."

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><p><em>AN: I hope this didn't seem like a pointless chapter. The dog does play an important part in this story, and Merlin will play an important part as well. Thank you for the reviews thus far - I enjoy hearing what people think._


	3. Chapter 2: The Foreseen Future

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I love, love, LOVE hearing what people think about this. It's been interesting to experiment with, so far. _

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><p><em>Chapter 2: The Foreseen Future<em>

If there was one thing Morgana did not like, it was waking up screaming.

It scared her and she was sure it scared the people around her, as well. It was one of the few moments when she felt absolutely and hopelessly out of control. It was one of those few moments when she was almost entirely convinced that she was going insane.

That night had been one of those nights, all thanks to one particularly distressing dream.

_Morgana had been standing in front of her mirror, one hand on her very round and very protruding belly. If she didn't know any better, she would say that it almost looked like a…No! As horror filled her eyes, the scene changed dramatically in a whirl of colors._

_She was sitting next to Uther in the throne room but…what was she wearing? All black? And a huge cloak on top of that! Why would she wear so many layers? As if she were trying to hide something…Off to the side stood Gaius and Merlin, both giving her identical, concerned looks, as if they knew something…_

_Again, the room spun as everything changed. Morgana saw herself in a dark place that she could not name, her face glistening with sweat and her eyes wide with pain. She threw her head back and let out an unworldly, piercing scream. She distantly heard people telling her to push and she saw Gwen squeezing her hand tightly. And then…_

_There was a baby in somebody's hands. The baby had no face._

That had been the moment she had sat up in bed screaming. When she saw that she was still just in the castle and in her bed, she felt an overwhelming sense of relief. In a matter of only seconds, that overwhelming relief changed to crippling fear as the realization of her dream hit her hard in the chest.

Morgana threw back the covers and leapt out of her bed. She flung open the door to her room and ran out into the dark corridor.

It couldn't be. It just _could not be_. It wasn't even possible. Could this wretched day possibly get any worse? Tears of desperation blinded her as she ran as fast as she could down the halls, her bare feet becoming numb from the cold stones from the floor. The pale moonlight was the only thing that lit her way…although she knew the way to the physician's chambers well enough, anyway.

It was only when Morgana burst through the door that she had no idea what she was going to tell Gaius.

The old court physician and Merlin looked up from the table when she came in, the only light coming from one, single candle sitting comfortably in the middle of the table. Morgana closed the door behind her, its soft click sounding like the cold sound of finality. What would they think of her?

"Milady," Gaius said, rising from the table. He wore the same concerned look that he had worn in her nightmare. "What happened?"

Morgana stepped forward, unable to stop her chest from rising and falling dramatically. "I had a dream," she whispered fearfully.

Gaius nodded, understanding. "That's all it was. Just a dream."

"No," Morgana said desperately. "It's not just a dream." She glanced at Merlin, before continuing. "You know that I can see the future, Gaius. You _know_ it."

"Milady…"

"This dream was different! This dream…" Morgana trailed off.

How could she explain it? She needed the _right_ words…

"This dream has already started to come to pass," Morgana finished quietly.

Gaius was silent as he lifted his chin and studied her face carefully. "You're sure?"

"I'm positive."

"What was this dream?" Gaius asked, giving her his utmost attention.

Morgana didn't want to say it out loud. Hadn't she had enough mortifying moments today? She carefully put a hand on her belly and startled, took a step back. It was even larger now that it had been before!

Gaius studied her without emotion. "You are with child, milady?"

With wide, terrified eyes, Morgana looked up at him. "I…I'm not sure."

Very gently, Gaius led Morgana over to his bed and sat her down on it. "If you lie down, milady, I can examine you and tell you for sure. Perhaps it will put your mind at ease."

Morgana did as Gaius said, although she firmly believed nothing would set her mind at ease. Her mind hadn't been at ease at all lately, as if it were opposed to such a state of relief. She had often thought to herself bitterly, perhaps there was no relief for a seer and especially not for a seer living under Uther's nose.

Trying her best not to shake with fear, Morgana tried to concentrate on different spots in the room. Gaius firmly, but gently, pressed on her round belly with his fingers. Turning her head to the side, she saw Merlin.

He was still sitting at the table, but she saw a sense of fear in his eyes. Fear for her, she wondered? If that was the case, she could relate. If she was with child and Uther found out, that would be the end of everything.

Morgana saw Merlin pull that fear back into the very depth of his mind and instead, put on a reassuring smile. Morgana tried to smile back. It felt more like a grimace of pain.

"You have symptoms?" Gaius asked, as he continued to examine her belly in different places.

"Nausea and vomiting in the morning," Morgana said as she turned back to him, barely able to force her voice out. _Vomiting_, she thought with an internal snort. _The stupid, purple vase._ "And this belly," she added.

"I must say, it is an unusual rate for a pregnancy," Gaius said with a puzzled frown. "How long have you had these symptoms?"

"Just today," she told him, also realizing how strange her case was. Leave it to her to be the pregnant woman in Camelot whose pregnancy rate was…_unnatural_.

Finally, Gaius stepped back. Morgana sat up quickly and stared at him, waiting for his verdict. "Well?" she asked anxiously. "What do you think, Gaius?"

She could see the look in Gaius's eyes; the one that spoke of the bad news and the wish to somehow make it seem better and not as bad as it really was, but…there was no getting around this one.

"You are with child," Gaius said very quietly, and Morgana felt something ignite within her.

"No," she whispered as she stood up defiantly.

Gaius opened his mouth to say something, but closed it instead as he thought better.

"No!" she said louder. "Gaius, it's not possible!"

"What do you mean, milady?"

"It's just…_not_ possible!" Morgana gave him a pleading look, hoping he would understand. She hoped he would understand that there hadn't been any man around to make it possible.

"You mean to say there is no father?" Gaius asked her quietly.

"There isn't!" Morgana insisted. "I've done _nothing_ at all to make this happen." Her face burned as she hoped Merlin was not listening. But she could feel his undivided attention on her.

There was a sharp rap on the door at that moment.

Fearing that it would be Uther or someone else who would expose her, Morgana moved back a bit, hoping to disappear into the shadows. But there weren't any shadows to disappear in.

It was only a guard, asking Gaius to come quickly to see to an accident that had happened in the city. He left as quickly as he had come and Gaius turned back to her.

"Gaius, are you absolutely sure?" Morgana asked, still clinging desperately to any bit of hope.

Gaius took her hand and patted it gently. "I'm afraid I am sure. But don't lose heart, child. I will come see you in the morning and we will figure out what to do about this."

Morgana could only nod numbly as Gaius bowed his head to her, before hurrying out the door with his black physician bag.

The ice, cold reality of the truth was piercing her lungs, making it hard to breath. The room was spinning, her world was ending. Now that she was _with child_, she had no future in Camelot. Her reputation would be ripped to tiny, little, fragmented shreds. Who knew what Uther would do when he learned of this? He could simply cast her out into the streets, embarrassed that his ward had brought such shame upon the Pendragon name. He could shun her and make an example of her, showing all of Camelot's ladies that she was what they never wanted to become. Or he could sentence her to death, just because _this_ now made her officially different from him. And she knew how much Uther hated people who were _different_.

And there, as she still stood staring at the open door, was when Morgana felt her mind shut down.

/

Merlin had stayed at the table for the entire ordeal, not wanting to interrupt such a delicate matter. When Gaius had announced that Morgana's fear was true, he had watched her very resolve melt away in front of him. The wild look in her pale, green eyes and the way she insisted that it wasn't possible made him ache for her. He knew what it was like to keep a secret. And now, she had _two_ secrets.

Even after Gaius left, she still stood still, without moving. Cautiously, Merlin rose from the table and made his way towards his friend, carefully avoiding objects on the floor and in the way. Even as he stood close to her, she seemed not to sense his presence. He could practically feel her shutting down, to avoid the pain and misery of what was to come.

"Morgana," he whispered and she jumped, startled, and turned to look at him.

Merlin offered her his arm and with the faintest shadow of a smile, she took it. Merlin smiled, too. Even if he could make her smile the tiniest bit by being his goofy self, it would be worth something. He led her out into the corridor, intending to lead her to the safety of her chambers.

Merlin heard rain drumming loudly against the castle windows and the rumble of thunder well beyond the walls. He led her as quickly as he could through the darkness, looking out for any sign of life. He knew Morgana didn't want anyone to see her this way. And he knew she didn't want anyone to see her new, round belly, one that he knew had _not_ been there the day before.

Lightning flashed, briefly lighting up the corridor. During that one, quick burst of light, Merlin saw Arthur rounding the corner. Quickly and silently, he pulled Morgana behind a large, round, white column. Standing quietly, he strained his ears to hear, so that he would know when Arthur walked by. The sooner Arthur left, the sooner they could be back on their unmerry way.

He did not expect Morgana to fall apart at that very moment.

Merlin heard the smallest of sniffles and looked down at her. When lightning again lit his line of vision, he saw her green eyes brimming with bright tears. He watched in alarm as she leaned her head against the stone column and began to cry bitterly.

Merlin no longer cared if Arthur found them (and he _would_ find them, because Morgana's cries were graduating to sobs). His chest burned with a heavy sadness as he watched the king's confident ward hugging a piece of castle architecture, perhaps to her the one solid, unchanging force in her life at that moment in time.

Or not. Before she slid down to the stone floor, Merlin caught her and dropped to the ground gently with her. As they sat behind the white column, the thunder growing louder, he hugged her tightly and let her wail fitfully in despair against his neck and soak his jacket with tears.

Right on cue, Arthur peered behind the column. When he saw it was only his servant and the woman who was practically a sister to him, he slid his sword back in its scabbard and kneeled next to them in alarm.

"Morgana?" he whispered loudly over the increasing racket of thunder and rain. "Morgana, are you all right?"

Morgana could only nod weakly in her grief.

"Merlin, this isn't about the dog again, is it?" Arthur asked, turning to him. "Because I did tell her we'd set it free in the morning."

"I fear it's a bit more serious than that," Merlin said with the faintest hint of sarcasm, as Arthur gently took Morgana from him and lifted her into his arms.

"What then, _Merlin_, is the problem?"

Merlin looked down at Morgana's shuddering form again. He felt like he should not be the one to say it. And so he merely stood up and said, "We should get her back."

And Arthur did not argue with him. He got to his feet and carried Morgana through the corridors, Merlin at his side, both listening for any signs of anyone else. The thunder rattled the windows as they made their way through the castle. Merlin thought bitterly how well the weather matched the mood of the night.

It wasn't until they were almost at Morgana's chambers that he felt serious alarm. Hearing footsteps, he pulled Arthur behind another white pillar. Startled out of his determination to get Morgana to where she needed to be, Arthur turned to him, Morgana still clinging to his neck in defeat.

"Merlin, what are you-"

"Sshh," Merlin motioned to be silent as the footsteps grew louder and more insistent. Taking the slightest risk at looking into the hallway, Merlin saw that it was the last person any of them wanted to see at that moment.

It was Uther.


	4. Chapter 3: And They Began To Know

_Chapter 3: And They Began To Know_

When Morgana once again was aware of her surroundings, she thought she had tumbled headfirst into another nightmare.

That was, after all, what it seemed like. She heard thunder clapping angrily outside and the constant pounding of the rain hitting everything it could. She saw an intense flash of lightning here and there and she felt so dizzy and…

She realized she was cradled in someone's arms…Arthur's…and her arms were wrapped around his neck and they were apparently hiding behind a pillar that was rather close to her room. She did recognize that pillar; she did see it every day of her life, after all. She watched as Arthur and Merlin stood very still, staring carefully and silently at something that was walking loudly near them.

As the footsteps got as close as they could, Arthur and Merlin ceased to look. Arthur pressed against the stone, as if he wished to disappear into it, and held her tighter. Merlin pressed close against the stone and to them, so that they would all fit behind the pillar and so that the owner of the footsteps would not see.

They stood there, barely breathing, pressed into some kind of ridiculous bear hug. Morgana desperately wanted to know who they were hiding from. She glanced first at Arthur and then at Merlin, and saw that they were looking at each other in furious, concentrative anxiety, obviously trying to figure out what to do in such a (quite literally) tight situation.

The footsteps stopped and Arthur and Merlin pressed even closer together, squashing her between them, and huddling against the stone. Was it possible it was…Uther? Who else would they be hiding from at this time of night?

They heard the footsteps slowly coming towards the pillar, towards _them_, and Morgana drew in a sharp breath. Did Uther know they were there? Only a few more, agonizing seconds and they could possibly be found out…

Gritting his teeth, Arthur handed her over to Merlin, as easily as if she were a bundled up package, and drew out his sword. Merlin stared at him and mouthed, "What are you doing?"

Arthur didn't answer him, but leapt from behind the pillar with his sword. As Morgana held onto Merlin now instead of Arthur, she mentally groaned. She didn't think even Arthur had an idea what he was doing. Why did he have to be so dramatic?

Morgana heard Uther's startled shout and the ring of his sword being pulled out of its sheath. She couldn't see them but she could envision what was happening perfectly in her head. They were obviously squaring off against each other, pride vs. even bigger pride. Lightning struck, lighting up the corridor, and she knew that's when they saw each other.

"Arthur!" she heard Uther exclaim. "Whatever are you doing out this late at night?"

There was the identical sound of two swords being pushed back into their scabbards. Morgana found herself craning her neck over Merlin's shoulder, straining to see the scene that was occurring. _Please Arthur_, she thought. _Don't screw this up. Make your reason believable!_

"I couldn't sleep," Arthur said confidently. "I decided to go for a walk." There was a pause. "I heard someone coming and hid over there," he waved to the corner vaguely, as if it were of absolutely no importance, "to try and catch whoever it was."

_Good boy,_ Morgana thought in relief.

"I was doing the same, son," Uther said, letting out an audible sigh of relief that mirrored the way she suddenly felt.

Morgana realized that Arthur had tried to create a diversion for them and that it had _worked_. Despite everything that had happened that night, she felt a smile spread across her face. She pressed a hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter that was shaking her entire form. Uther was such a gullible fool!

Merlin looked down at her. In the darkness, his blue eyes seemed to almost glow. He at first looked concerned, probably thinking she was shaking with sobs, but that looked turned to amusement as he smiled at her laughter.

"Father, allow me to lead you back to your room," Arthur was now saying. "Perhaps Gaius could prepare a sleeping draught for you."

"Yes," Uther said in a tired voice. "Yes, perhaps he could." Morgana listened as she heard footsteps once again, growing fainter and fainter as they grew farther away.

Merlin peered behind the column and Morgana looked as well, in time to see a flash of lightning show Uther and Arthur disappearing around the corner. Arthur turned momentarily, to see if they caught what he had just tried to do and to make sure they were going to take advantage of it.

Still carrying Morgana, Merlin hurried down the corridor. Half of Morgana wanted to walk and insist to Merlin (and later to Arthur) that she was a grown woman perfectly capable of getting herself around the castle. But the other part of her wanted to be carried around like a little child, to have someone else shoulder her burdens and worries and while they were at it, her world.

She let the child part of her win.

When they got to her chambers, Morgana noticed that the door was closed. She frowned. Hadn't she left it open in her haste? Although she had been laughing in relief just moments before, she felt her sadness – along with the thought of her _situation_ – return.

Merlin managed to open the door while still holding her, and pushed it open with his foot. Candles were lit all around, flickering gently, and standing in the middle of the room, obviously worried, was Gwen.

"Milady!" she said with a sigh of relief (quite similar to Uther's), taking in the bizarre sight of Merlin carrying her into the room. Morgana was so relieved to see her friend that she slipped out of Merlin's grasp and quite upset, ran to Gwen's outstretched arms. She fell into them (just like the little child she had been in Merlin's arms) and began to cry again.

"Sshh," Gwen whispered, holding her tightly and patting her back. "It's all right." She glanced at Merlin with a worried look and mouthed, "What happened?"

Merlin opened his mouth, but then shut it. He could only shake his head slowly with a pained expression. He hated seeing Morgana like this. He had never seen her so distraught, not even when she found out she had magic. He felt so…_helpless_.

Gwen understood that he could not be the one to say it and nodded. She gently led Morgana to her bed and helped her crawl into it.

"Thank you, Merlin, for bringing her back," Gwen said quietly.

Merlin nodded in response, turning to leave.

"Thank you, Merlin," he heard Morgana add tearfully and he turned back to see her wet, green eyes and the tiniest, saddest smile accompanying them. "You're a good friend."

A smile slowly spread across his face as he acknowledged what she had said. Morgana watched as he clumsily reached for the door with a bow of his head. "I hope you feel better." He swallowed hard. "Morgana."

Once he had left, closing the door behind him, Morgana let out a furious sigh. "I just humiliated myself in at least a hundred different ways, Gwen."

"Nonsense, milady,"

"I can only imagine what Merlin thinks of me now!"

"What happened?" Gwen asked, pulling the covers over her and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I had a bad dream, Gwen," Morgana said quietly, gripping the sheets in her fingers. "I had some…suspicions…and so I went to Gaius." She had never felt so ashamed before. "He confirmed those suspicions."

"What suspicions?" Gwen pressed gently.

Morgana pulled the covers back to show Gwen her belly. Gwen gasped softly.

"Milady, surely you're not…"

"I am," Morgana said flatly. "And I haven't the slightest idea how."

Gwen picked at a stray string on her dress uncomfortably. "Surely…"

"It's not what you think Gwen," Morgana said quickly. "I haven't done anything of the sort."

Gwen looked up surprised at this and Morgana nodded in response to that look, leaning back against the pillows.

Nothing could ever just be simple, could it?

/

"Well?" Arthur asked as he passed Merlin in the hallway and Merlin knew he wanted to know what had happened.

"Couldn't you see it?" Merlin asked flatly, not wanting to talk about it.

"Of course I couldn't _see_ it, _Merlin_. Are you telling me her tears were supposed to tell me a little story?"

Merlin stopped and turned to him. If only he knew just how _serious_ this was. "Then I suggest you go back and look." And with that, he turned and walked away.

Arthur stared after him with a peculiar expression. "Fine," he said. "I think I will."

/

Morgana had told Gwen _everything_. Nothing less would do. Words and tears and worries poured out of her like a proverbial waterfall. She told Gwen all the ways she had humiliated herself in front of _Merlin_, of all people. How she had thrown up in the purple vase, how he had been there the entire time she was telling Gaius about her ordeal, how she had fallen apart and cried all over him, how she had silently laughed like a maniac while Arthur confronted Uther, and how he had carried her weak, pitiful form back to her chambers.

"His jacket is probably soaked," Morgana said fretfully.

"It will dry," Gwen told her gently.

"Everyone is going to think I'm a whore," she whispered fearfully.

"No one is going to know," Gwen said, her gentle tone turning firm.

Morgana threw back the covers again and jabbed an angry finger towards her belly. "No one is going to notice _this_?"

At that moment there was a sharp knock before the door opened and Morgana quickly covered her belly once again.

Arthur strode into the room and stopped directly next to her bed. "Morgana," he said, his eyes sweeping down to Gwen, before coming to look at her face. "Are you all right?"

Morgana pulled a pleasant smile from somewhere deep within her. "I'm fine," she said, as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked in a disbelieving tone, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I'm sure," Morgana said, straining to keep the smile on her face.

Arthur stepped back. "Then there is nothing wrong?"

"Not at all," Morgana said, the false cheerfulness slowly chipping away at her patience. Why was she so _irritable_ so suddenly?

Looking confused, Arthur looked at the door, before turning back to her. "Oh."

"Did you think something was wrong?" Morgana inquired politely.

"Well," Arthur back towards the door. "No."

"Then you were correct in your assumptions."

Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes. "_Merlin _has just been acting rather strange lately." He nodded to the two on the bed. "Pleasant dreams, Morgana." He _almost_ smiled then as he turned to Gwen; if Morgana had blinked, she would have missed it. "Goodnight, Guinevere."

And with that he was gone.

Gwen turned back to Morgana. "You don't think we can trust Arthur?"

Morgana shook her head. "No, I'm sure we could trust him. But I…" She paused. "Only you, Merlin, and Gaius know. I think that's quite enough for now."

Gwen nodded in agreement.

Sighing in exhausting, Morgana leaned back, sinking into the soft pillows. That was already three people too many, as far as she was concerned.


	5. Chapter 4: Freedom and Explanations

_Chapter 4: Freedom and Explanations_

Morgana had only just become aware of the faint tapping noise, and yet it seemed as if it had never left.

Others might have found such a sound to be irritating but she found it strangely comforting. It kept its distance, staying in the background, never meddling with her thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears…only coming forth when she needed it to, to remind her that it was still there, to distract her from the worries that were threatening to overpower her lately. It was like an old, reliable friend.

The tapping had a face. It was Merlin.

But then the gently tapping turned into infuriating pounding. The infuriating pounding had a face, too. Arthur's.

Morgana opened her eyes slowly. The tapping had been real and had only recently turned into pounding. Frowning, she sat up, ignoring the pain in her back. It was still early in the morning. The sun had not even begun to rise and warm Camelot with its familiar rays.

Slipping out of her bed, she practically _limped_ over to the door, so unaccustomed was she to her new body, which radiated aches and pains. She opened the door as slowly as she had opened her eyes just moments before. Standing on the other side was Arthur, with his arms crossed, and Merlin, with his arms at his sides.

"Were you _trying_ to break down my door?" Morgana asked sweetly.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten _already_," Arthur retorted in mock disbelief.

Morgana looked down at the unfortunate dog between Arthur and Merlin. He wagged his tail happily.

"Of course not," Morgana said quickly.

Arthur's eyes traveled down to her midsection. Raising a princely eyebrow in confrontation, he opened his mouth to speak. "Morgana…"

"Yes, Arthur, I'll be right there – give me four minutes!" Morgana said in a dizzying, confusing rush, before closing the door firmly. She pressed her ear against it and listened carefully.

"Merlin," she heard Arthur exclaim. "Did you _see_…"

"No," Merlin said innocently and Morgana couldn't help but giggle.

She made the most of those four minutes. It usually took quite some time for Gwen to help her get ready every morning, but four minutes was all she needed today. Just a gown and a cloak. Why couldn't life always be this simple?

Oh right, life was _never_ this simple. Pulling her hood up over her dark curls, she sauntered darkly to the door. From limping to sauntering, she thought. It was incredible what mood could do to your step.

Putting a hand on the door knob, she stopped and put her other hand on her round belly. If there was even such a thing as a bright side in her situation, she supposed it was that her stomach had not grown anymore in the night and that it could still be hidden…within reason.

Pulling open the door, she prepared herself to meet Arthur's bewildered expression. He wouldn't get any answers from her at that moment and she would leave no room for questions. They had more important things to do.

/

Thus far, getting the dog out of the castle had been a stroll in the woods. Morgana couldn't believe how _easy_ it had been. And even at that moment, as they each sat upon a horse riding to the outskirts of the city, no one gave them a second glance. Not that there was even many people out on the streets and awake at that time to give such glances.

The dog was riding with Merlin. It was wrapped in a heavy burlap sack (Morgana had found it in the royal kitchen and thoroughly excited, had thought it was _perfect_). Only his black, wet, deformed nose stuck out, to give him some air.

As they got closer and closer to the guards at the outside gates, Arthur turned around in his saddle. "Play along," he muttered under his breath. Merlin nodded and Morgana actually _smiled_. She liked to act and she liked to fool those she considered fools. Especially Uther.

They were merely feet away from the gates when Arthur sat a little straighter upon his horse.

"Merlin!" he said loudly, riding through the pass with a nod to the two sleepy guards. "Bring along that dead dog!"

"Coming, sire!" Merlin called obediently and the guards bowed as they passed.

Excited by the loud voices, the dog let out a muffled woof. Morgana's heart skipped a beat in fear. The situation was already delicate enough; they could not, under _any_ circumstances, be found out. She saw Arthur stiffen at the sound and she knew he was thinking the same exact thought.

"Merlin," Arthur said sternly. "I thought I told you to see Gaius about that."

"Yes, sire."

"Well, make sure you do," Arthur continued his ramble. "Can't have you sick on the job now, can we?"

They were approaching the forest but the guards were still close enough to hear their ever word. Arthur glanced at Morgana out of the corner of his eyes.

"I don't know why you wanted to come, Morgana," he said, his voice still unnaturally loud, and Morgana realized she still had to play her part.

"The poor beast deserves a proper burial," she replied as she stared straight ahead, as if it were the most obvious reason in the world.

As the sun finally began to peek over the mountain tops, they journeyed further and further into the forest. Morgana knew Arthur was quite nervous and wanted the dog as far away from Camelot as possible. She knew that _he_ knew that difficult questions would be asked if the dog ever returned….difficult questions that couldn't possibly be answered. But no matter how many time Morgana tried to convince Arthur that the dog wasn't diseased – only ugly – he still didn't seem to feel any better.

Occasionally, Morgana watched Merlin out of the corner of her eye. She was still quite embarrassed about the night before. The fire of humiliation burned hot in her stomach and no matter how many times she tried, the waters of cold reassurance could not wash it away. She was the _king's ward_, not a damsel in distress. She had had to be rescued by two "heroes" the night before, by a man who was like a brother to her and his servant.

It was only once they were halfway up a twig littered hill that they stopped. "This seems as good a place as any," Arthur announced cheerfully as Merlin dismounted with the dog and Morgana slid ungracefully off of her horse. Her bulging belly was making it difficult to do even the simplest of tasks.

She watched as Merlin, with great care, unwrapped the strange dog, patted its head, and stood back. The dog stared at them expectantly, still wagging his tail (did he ever _stop_ wagging his tail? Morgana wondered).

"Well go!" Arthur exclaimed from his horse, his voice ringing with irritation. He pointed up the hill. "Shoo! Leave!"

"Arthur!" Morgana hissed as she kneeled beside the dog. "Must you be so insensitive?"

"Well, what is it waiting for? Does it _want_ to return to Camelot and die?"

Morgana carefully lifted the scrawny creature and turned him in the direction of the hill. "This is your chance," she whispered into his crooked ear. "Freedom awaits you." She gave him a gentle push up the hill. Slowly, the dog obeyed and began to climb upwards.

Morgana remained kneeling on the ground as she watched the dog. Tears brimmed brightly in her eyes as she watched him go. She was glad they had saved him but it was _so sad_ to see him bumble away, with no one to look after him. Annoyed, she wiped those warm tears away. Stupid overactive emotions. Unfortunately, she knew the cause of those emotions now.

Once the dog reached the top of the hill, he paused and looked back down at them. Morgana gave him a reassuring smile and waved. The half hairy, half bare tail wagged one last time before disappearing over the hillside.

Standing up briskly, swallowing back the rest of her unreasonable tears, Morgana put her hands on her hips. "You've done a good deed today, Arthur. How does that make you feel?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Like I disobeyed my father."

"Good," Morgana beamed.

And with their morning's work finished, they knowingly headed back to Camelot, and unknowingly to Gaius, who awaited with his explanation of Morgana's condition.

/

"Lady Morgana," Gaius said quietly. "Do you have fingerprints on your stomach?"

It had only been an hour since they had returned from rescuing the dog and Morgana, leaning against her fluffy, safe pillows, was already exhausted. Surprised by Gaius's question, she nodded. "I thought they were just bruises."

"Have they gotten darker in the past few days?" Gaius inquired.

"Yes," Morgana said uncertainly, somehow knowing that this wasn't a positive thing.

Gaius nodded, as if expecting those answers. "I believe I now know may have happened to cause this."

"What happened?" Morgana asked, afraid to find out but wanting so desperately to know.

"It's a very old, very rare spell," Gaius explained. "One hardly used. It's a type of dark magic, if you will. Whoever impregnated you placed all five fingertips upon your bare stomach and recited the ancient spell three times in a row, without error."

Morgana listened very carefully, dread swirling dangerously in the pit of her overblown stomach. While Gaius paused, she nodded so that he would go on.

"The magic would have left the faintest imprint right away," the old physician continued. "As the pregnancy progresses, the fingerprints grow darker, like bruises. They grow into a darker red until…" Gaius trailed off, as if concerned about her reaction.

"Until what?"

"Until the fingerprints turn a dark purple," Gaius said grimly. "That's how you will know you are ready to give birth."

Morgana closed her eyes in quiet horror. Although the vision of her giving birth from her nightmare still lurked in the very depths of her mind, she hadn't allowed herself to fully think about it.

"What color are the fingerprints, milady?" Gaius asked.

It was a necessary question, but one that made the words almost stick in her throat.

"Dark red," she whispered.

Gaius kept his physician face on, showing no emotion.

"Gaius," Morgana whispered, her voice rising in panic. "What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do, my child," he said gently, taking her hand. "The spell cannot be reversed. It can only be sped along, so that the birth comes quicker and it is over with sooner. But that, of course, is your decision."

Without even thinking, Morgana nodded. "I want it to be over with."

Gaius nodded. "I thought you would. The spell is a strange one. The pregnancy progresses with unusual speed. Usually a pregnancy lasts nine months, and the pregnancy under this spell lasts at least nine days."

Morgana had always tried to be brave and confident. She tried not to fear things, especially inevitable things, but she felt her resolve slowly melting away, into the fires of the humiliation she had felt earlier in the day. Her fear now mixed dangerously with it, fueling the fire even more.

"Will it hurt?" she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

Gaius was never one to beat around the bush or to lie about things and she saw now that the answer was not something she wanted to hear. But she needed to.

"Please, Gaius," she whispered. "The truth."

Gaius nodded. "These sorts of births are extremely painful. The most complicated and painful childbirth there is."

Hopelessness was a vicious beast. And she knew that vicious beast very well now, as she nodded and tried to keep calm.

"Do not lose heart," Gaius said gently. "We will try to make it as easy for you as we can. We'll use the fire and ice approach to speed it along. All will be well."

Morgana sunk even further into the pillows. _All will be well_. All would be well when it was over, when she had gotten whatever was inside her _out_…

What _was_ inside her?

Sitting up again urgently, she turned to Gaius fully and forced all emotion out of her voice. "You said the spell was rare, dark magic. Will I be giving birth to a monster?"

Gaius considered her question carefully before answering. "There is one kind of spell where you can impregnate a woman and she can give birth to a healthy baby. This entwines with the balance of 'a life for a life' and although a healthy baby will be born, a life must be taken in exchange."

Gaius paused and Morgana found herself leaning forward, fascinated just as much as she was terrified.

"But with this rare, dark spell, whoever impregnated you will lose years of off his own life, because he put some of that life into you. How many years he loses depends on how much energy and power and magic he put into it. But as a result, your baby will not be entirely human. It will have many traits of whoever impregnated you and it will grow inhumanely fast."

Morgana wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Why would anyone do such a thing?"

Gaius stared at her. "I can't be entirely sure but I imagine it's a plot to bring down Camelot."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I wrote most of this chapter while I was sitting in a four hour class so I really hope it makes sense. The rest of the information (such as WHO it was and WHY they did it) will come later. There will also be much more Merlin moments inserted later on. I hope everyone approves and thank you SO much for the reviews and adds._


	6. Chapter 5: In Which Merlin Emerges From

_Chapter 5: In Which Merlin Emerges From The Background_

Merlin's hands were covered in dirt but that didn't matter.

In fact, the only thing that mattered was delivering a fragrant bouquet to a distressed Morgana. Perhaps that's why he had found himself on his hands and knees that morning, painstakingly picking out every-single-absolutely-and-positively-perfect-flower. For _her_.

It wasn't that he pitied her. No, it wasn't that at all. It was that he felt a connection to her. He knew what she was going through; he knew what she had been through. And although he was in the background most of the time, he was still her friend. And he knew he understood her better than anyone else.

Honestly, he just wanted to see Morgana smile. He wanted to see her smile a genuinely _real_ smile, not one of her false "I'm-not-okay-but-don't-want-you-to-know-that" smiles.

When Merlin opened the door to the physician's quarters, he saw Gaius pouring over a heavy, dusty, leather-bound book with yellow, chipped pages. His glasses were sitting halfway down his nose. When the door opened, he looked up at Merlin over the frames.

"I never knew my herbs came in such pretty colors," Gaius remarked, raising his eyebrows delicately.

Merlin looked down at the flowers in his dirt-encrusted hands and let out a single, small, slightly embarrassed laugh. Placing the bouquet carefully on a nearby shelf, he slipped a brown, suede herb-filled bag off of his right shoulder.

"Unfortunately, I don't think they do," he agreed, placing the bag next to Gaius's book. He cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. "But if pretty colors are what you want…"

Gaius chuckled lightly, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "I think magic has made enough appearances in Camelot for now. My herbs will survive just fine the way they are, thank you."

Merlin looked down at the book and back up at Gaius expectantly. "You found something else?"

"Not quite," Gaius said, flipping an antique page. Merlin wondered how the page didn't just crumble into dust. It had seen better days, but then again so had Camelot. So had Morgana and so had he.

"How did she take it?" Merlin asked in a casual tone. He knew it wouldn't be easy news to digest.

"The Lady Morgana is brave," Gaius turned another decrepit page. "She will be all right, Merlin." He lowered his voice. "But I do think she is frightened. I don't think she's left her chambers since this morning."

Merlin nodded, studying the familiar, wooden surface of the tabletop for a moment or two. "I must see her," he announced, getting to his feet and heading for the door.

"Merlin!" Gaius called after him. Merlin stopped and turned back to the old man.

"You will play a more important part in this than you think," Gaius told him quietly.

Merlin frowned. He was unable to keep the questions from brimming brightly in his eyes as he turned to fully face Gaius.

"Magic is best countered with magic, as you know only too well," Gaius said, his warning glance giving Merlin far more information than his words.

Merlin could only nod, before grasping Morgana's flowers tightly in his hands and running out the door.

There would be time to question Gaius later.

/

Morgana was sitting on the ground, near the window, behind the heavy, velvet curtain. If anyone had asked her why she was sitting in such a strange location, she would have put on her best fake smile and told them she was sick of sitting on her bed or at her vanity table or by Uther's side and that she simply wanted to have a little change of scenery.

No one would be able to look past that lie to see the simple truth spiraling continuously in her pale green eyes: that she was hiding. That she was tired of prying eyes and concerned glances and that she just wanted some peace.

Arthur had already been in three times since that morning; first, to inquire about her feelings on the dog's freedom (as if she hadn't already made _that_ clear); second, to ask if she was feeling better since the dramatic escape episode from the night before (she _wasn't_); and finally, to flat out demand what she was hiding from him (_nothing,_ she had assured him with her most innocent expression).

And of course, Gwen was always coming in and out and Gaius would be back eventually and Uther would probably get dramatic because she wasn't at dinner and stop in…

She exhaled in a huff, remembering a conversation she had just had with Gwen only moments before…

_It had been after Arthur had left for the third time. Gwen had dropped a pile of laundry into a large basket, before straightening up and smoothing her dress with her hands. "Milady," she asked. "Why is it that you don't feel like you can tell him?"_

"_Because I've always been confident in front of Arthur," Morgana replied in a quiet, almost bitter voice. "I've always had exactly the right retort, the right tact, the right thing to say. And right now, I don't have any of that. It would be humiliating for him to know of this situation."_

_"Milady, what do you think he is going to say to you?" Gwen asked softly. "He won't make fun of you. He'll be there for you, just like I will. Just like Merlin will. We're your friends."_

_Morgana had only nodded, grateful as always for Gwen's support and insight._

She knew it was an issue of pride. That's exactly what it was. But she didn't want to think anymore and so behind the curtain she stayed. It had once hidden the druid boy, Mordred, and it could hide her now, too. At least until people got worried or she got lonely. Whichever came first.

She almost laughed. She was a refugee in her own room. Oh, the irony.

/

Morgana wasn't sure how long she had been behind the curtain, position on an overstuffed, dark red, velvet pillow, tracing circles on the walls. The late afternoon sun was starting to cast long shadows across her room. The day would soon end and she would be one day closer to her nightmare: the day of giving birth.

She heard the door open suddenly. Staying completely still and not even daring to move, she held her breath. Perhaps they would leave. Perhaps they would see that she wasn't there and that they had no business in her chambers. Unless it was Gwen, but Gwen had already _done_ all that she need to do for now. And if it was Arthur again…she mentally shook an indignant fist in the air.

Morgana leaned her forehead against the cool stone wall. If anyone found her behind the curtain, they would think she had done more than just dipped her toe into the pool of insanity. They would think she had plunged fully into it. And perhaps she had. She wasn't entirely sure anymore.

As footsteps slowly grew closer, Morgana found herself pressing her back into the wall, as if she would be able to disappear into it as easily as a ghost. She listened as the footsteps stopped right next to her curtain. She laced and unlaced her fingers anxiously. _Leave,_ she thought desperately. _Leave!_

But the owner of the footsteps did not leave. Instead, they knocked on the wall, at the spot where the curtain met the stone.

Morgana leaned sideways, shrinking into the corner in defeat. "Come in."

A pale hand gently drew back the curtain. Morgana looked up into the puzzled – yet slightly amused – eyes of Merlin.

Why was it that the _one _person she _couldn't_ hide from was Merlin? She should have known it was him. He was the one person she knew who seemed incapable of knocking before entering a room and yet, he had knocked at her curtain door. She couldn't help but be somewhat amused herself.

Merlin glanced around Morgana's surroundings behind the curtain and raised his eyebrows.

"It's not what you think," Morgana assured him.

Merlin nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching into a small smile. He wouldn't question her and make the situation even more awkward for her – Morgana expected that. But she didn't expect Merlin to pull a beautiful bouquet of flowers from behind his back and give them to her, almost shyly.

For the first time in so many long, long days, Morgana felt her face break into a real, true smile. She couldn't have suppressed it if she tried. "Merlin," she said, pleasantly surprised. "They're beautiful."

Merlin's eyes seemed to light up. "I thought you needed cheering up," he said. Was he beaming? He was practically blushing! It was _adorable_.

"Well, it worked," Morgana said sincerely. "Thank you, Merlin."

Merlin nodded his response, his smile only fading as Morgana's did. She frowned as she listened to a sound she had caught very suddenly, and then urgently grabbed Merlin's arm and pulled him down behind the curtain with her.

There was a single, sharp, pointless knock before the door opened again. As Merlin sat closely next to her, they both tried to peer beyond the heavy drapery without being seen.

Arthur stuck his blond head into the room and peered around suspiciously, before his whole body followed his head inside. His blue eyes scanned every corner carefully as he walked in a slow circle, his boots echoing loudly against the stone.

Morgana looked over at Merlin, who wore an expression of intense amusement. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand as silent laugher shook her body. Sometimes Arthur just looked utterly ridiculous.

It was only when Arthur had finally left and they heard him stalking down the hall that they looked at each other and burst out laughing, Merlin for the first time and Morgana for the second.

"Do you think he knows something?" Morgana asked, dabbing at her wet eyes with her sleeve.

Merlin thought about this for a moment as his laughter slowly subsided. "He might," he admitted. "He's been acting a bit…strange. You know Arthur."

Very suddenly, they heard the footsteps returning as someone burst into the room. Whoever it was lost no time and walked directly to the curtain and drew it back sharply, exposing their hiding spot.

Arthur stared down at them and blinked exactly once. His gaze traveled from Morgana to Merlin, and down to Morgana's belly, and finally, to the flowers in her hands. As false realization dawned on him, he took a bewildered step backwards and his eyes widened with horror.

"Oh my _God_!"

Merlin got to his feet immediately, shaking his head. "No, Arthur, it's not what it looks like." Hadn't Morgana just told him that only moments before?

"What do you _mean_, it's not what it looks like?" Arthur exclaimed angrily, his voice rising hysterically. "Why don't you come over here, _Merlin_, and tell me what this looks like?"

"Arthur!" Morgana growled.

Arthur stepped forward and grabbed a fistful of Merlin's shirt, pushing him roughly against the wall. "If you are responsible for this, _Merlin_, I will have your head!" Shaking with fury, Arthur looked back down at Morgan's belly before turning back to Merlin again. "I will have your head over and over again!"

"Arthur!" Morgana hissed again, stumbling to her feet and almost tipping over in the process. "Stop it!"

Arthur released Merlin and turned to her, his face red with shock. "You're…you're having a…a _baby_!" he sputtered in disbelief.

"Very good," Morgana said dryly, storming over to the door and slamming it shut.

Still frozen to the spot by his intense surprise, Arthur spread his arms out in agitation. "Why didn't you tell me, Morgana?"

"Don't you see why I don't tell you things?" Morgana retorted angrily. "Look how you're reacting!"

"Arthur, I swear to you, I've done nothing," Merlin said quietly, stepping away from the wall. "I _swear_ to you."

Arthur turned his glare upon the servant who also happened to be his best friend in a strange, distorted way. Although Merlin knew Arthur was overreacting, he understood why. It was not long ago that Arthur had caught him bringing flowers to Morgana once, and leaving her chambers another time. That was back when he was trying to help her, when she had first discovered that she had magic.

"Would I do that to you?" Merlin asked, giving him a hard look. "Would I go behind your back and break your trust? Ruin her reputation? Get myself killed?"

Arthur let out a heavy breath as he regained his composure. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry, Merlin." He reached out and straightened out Merlin's crumpled shirt, before turning back to Morgana. "If I may ask, who's child is it?"

Morgana clasped her hands together. This was where it got complicated. "I…I don't know."

Arthur crossed his arms and pressed a fist to his forehead. "Oh, Morgana."

"Arthur!" she snapped quietly, waiting for him to look up at her. When he did, her expression softened. "Don't think that of me, please. It's a long story. It's not what you think."

There was a sudden knock and the three of them turned to look at the door. Morgana opened it slowly and Gaius stepped in.

"There," she said, satisfied. "Gaius will be able to tell you all about it."

Arthur nodded, already fully recovered. "Whatever this is," he said, still perplexed. "I pledge to be there for you every step of the way, Morgana."

Morgana smiled for the _second_ time that afternoon. "Thank you Arthur. I'm grateful."

Gwen had been right.

* * *

><p><em>AN: This chapter actually went in a totally different direction than I expected it too. I expected something substantial to happen but I still think it's important that Morgana finds that she has the support of Merlin and Arthur, and so it wasn't a waste of a chapter after all...I hope everyone agrees. :) Morgana is going to give birth within the next few chapters. _

_Anyone have an preferences on who should deliver the baby? I do have my own idea but I'm not sure if I should pursue it._


	7. Chapter 6: Preparations

_Chapter 6: Preparations_

"All right, Morgana, I've devised a special mantra to help you sail through this birth."

Morgana looked up at Arthur from her position on the bed. "A mantra?" she repeated.

"Yes, Morgana, a mantra," Arthur replied, as if it were the most obvious solution ever. "And we shall all say it over and over again."

Morgana sighed. Right after Gaius had explained to Arthur what had happened, Arthur had become even more sympathetic towards her and had insisted that he wanted to help in some way. And so he had announced that they should hold a "rehearsal," so that they would be entirely ready and calm when the baby did come.

That was how she had found herself in the most ridiculous position imaginable. With the darkness of night spilling into her room and several candles fighting it off, she was half-lying, half-sitting on her bed, leaning against Gwen. Merlin was holding her right hand and Arthur was holding her left hand. Gaius was at the very end of the bed, since he would be the one delivering the baby.

"The mantra is…" Arthur paused dramatically…"Push, Morgana, push!" He said this so seriously, as if he were commanding the knights of Camelot on battle tactics.

Morgana rolled her eyes. "That's very clever, Arthur."

Arthur ignored her. "All right everyone, on three. One, two…" He motioned with his hand on three.

"Push, Morgana, push," everyone repeated in monotone, uncertain, obedient voices, Arthur's ringing enthusiastically above them all.

There was a silence that lasted precisely five seconds, before Morgana's laughter broke it. "I'm sorry," she said in between fits of giggles. She couldn't take any of them seriously at that moment.

Arthur released her hand in frustration and got to his feet. "You may think it's funny now, but when the time comes, _this_ could help you survive!"

Morgana swallowed back the remainder of her laughter and nodded. "I know, Arthur," she said sincerely. "You're right."

Arthur nodded curtly. "Yes, well…" He turned and looked at the rest of the faces around him. "It's getting late. _I'm_ going to bed. Good night everyone. Goodnight Morgana." And with that, he disappeared.

Morgana looked wistfully toward the door. "I know I shouldn't have laughed but I don't understand why he's acting like such an overprotective mother hen."

Gaius came around to her left side, where Arthur had been just moments before. "As you know, Arthur's mother, Ygraine, died giving birth to him. I'm assuming he fears losing you, as well."

Slightly surprised, Morgana sat up. "He doesn't need to fear anything," she said. "I'll be fine." At least, she hoped she would be fine. A dark, rare spell administered by some unknown person to give her a demon baby to bring down Camelot…it wasn't the most reassuring combination.

"He is just worried," Gaius assured her, before walking over to his bag and pulling out a curious looking, large skin which sloshed loudly when he brought it over.

"Are the fingerprints still dark red?" he asked.

Morgana nodded.

Gaius nodded too, as if he had been expecting this. "It's time to start the fire and ice method, as long as you're still sure you want to move this along…" Gaius trailed off, leaving the question to Morgana.

She nodded. "Yes," she said without hesitation.

Gaius handed her the skin and Morgana felt that it was pleasantly warm. "For tonight, you will need to sleep with this on your belly."

Morgana's brow furrowed. "How will it stay warm all night?"

Gaius's eyes briefly flickered to Merlin, before returning to her. "Don't worry. It will."

As Gaius prepared to leave with Merlin and Gwen went around the room, blowing out candles, Morgana decided to put words to the burning question in her chest, a question she had been thinking about ever since Gaius had first mentioned the fire and ice approach.

"Gaius," she called softly, and he and Merlin turned from where they were in the doorway.

"Using this approach," she said softly, "how much faster will the baby come?"

"If all goes according to plan," Gaius replied, "tomorrow night."

Morgana nodded, letting it sink in. She couldn't decide if she was relieved or terrified. Obviously, she was both.

After Gwen had bid her goodnight, Morgana lay on her back with the warm skin on her belly. She looked over at her bedside table, where Merlin's flowers sat in a vase that Gwen had found. She had meant it when she had told him they were beautiful. They were so…perfect. Blues and purples mingled with pinks and yellows. Bright, green stems held them all together. They filled the area around her bed with a calming scent.

Those were her last thoughts as her eyes slowly closed and she drifted into a merciful, dreamless sleep.

/

"Gaius," Merlin said uncertainly, as they walked through the door of the physician's chambers. "What did you mean earlier when you said I would play a large part in this?"

Gaius put his black, physician's bag on the table. He said nothing at first, as if he weren't quite sure how to word it properly. But finally, he sat at the table and said exactly what he meant. "The baby cannot be allowed to live, Merlin."

Merlin felt an old, familiar feeling of horror creep into his blood. It was the feeling of being asked to do something that was unspeakable, because something even worse would happen if he didn't. The old memories filled his mind. It was like when he had been told that he had to let the druid boy, Mordred, die…or when he had to decide if he should let Morgana kill Uther.

And both times, he hadn't been able to go through with it. He had saved the druid boy and he had tried to save Uther…until Morgana had done that herself.

"You want me to kill Morgana's baby," Merlin said flatly.

"Do not be alarmed, Merlin."

"We can't take the baby from her and kill it," Merlin said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. "You saw how she protected that dog. I'd imagine that she'd do the same for her own child."

"Even if it was a monster?" Gaius asked him. "Nothing but a plot to bring down this kingdom?"

"You really think its part of a conspiracy?" Merlin asked.

"I do," Gaius said firmly. "Think about it, Merlin. Someone magical who loathes Uther impregnated his precious ward. That is revenge enough, but it goes further. Morgana has a child and Uther has no choice but to accept its existence. And then the father of that child murders Uther and Arthur so that his demon child may ascend the throne to Camelot…to either rule it or destroy it. Or both."

Merlin sat across from Gaius at the table. "You think the lives of Uther and Arthur are in danger?" he asked in a low voice.

"Yes, Merlin," Gaius said. "It all adds up. I don't see what else this could be."

Merlin drummed his fingertips against the table impatiently, his mind working dangerously as he thought of all the options.

"And so Uther cannot, under _any_ circumstances, find out about this child," Gaius continued. "We will deliver it and get rid of it and then the child will be out of the equation. From there, we can try to determine what to do about the rest of the situation."

Merlin swallowed hard and looked at Gaius. Gaius saw the shadow of something old haunting him, an eerie sort of wisdom that Merlin seemed too young to have.

"But must we kill it?" Merlin asked quietly, his eyes almost…pleading.

"Merlin, it is not even fully human," Gaius told him. "It will not be a _real_ child. It will have no compassion in its heart and no love for anyone here in Camelot. It was planted inside Morgana for evil purposes and if it lives, that's all it will ever know…evil."

Merlin leaned back and thought about it for a moment. He didn't like it, but his destiny had always…and would always…come first. He had to make sure Arthur ascended to the throne, no matter what.

"What must I do?" he asked finally.

/

The next morning did not start out promising.

Morgana had woken feeling sicker than ever and after throwing up in the fireplace and burning the evidence with her eyes, she allowed Gwen to help her wash up and dress. Although she was hopelessly afraid, she knew couldn't lie in bed all day and think about what would happen that night. By this time the next day, her entire ordeal would be over and that thought gave her strength.

It had become a habit to walk around with her right hand placed on her belly and as she practically _waddled_ by the mirror (her destination being the window), she froze and stared at her reflection.

There she was, one hand positioned on her gigantic belly, and her eyes wide with horror.

Had it grown bigger?

How was that even _possible_? Throwing an accusing look towards the large, water-filled skin that sat atop her bed, Morgana knew the reason her stomach had gotten bigger was because she had chosen to speed it along. But even so, she hadn't known that it could even get bigger. She was quite sure that if it got _any_ bigger at all, it would burst.

And her terrified reflection in the mirror was only too familiar. She had seen this exact reflection somewhere before...in her dream from two nights ago, the nightmare in which she had seen her future. This mirror scene had been the first vision. Everything was already starting to come true.

Morgana hurried over to her wardrobe and ripping open the twin, dark oak doors, she desperately ruffled around for something black to wear. Not that she wanted to wear black because that would only make the visions in her dream continue to come true...she had been wearing a black gown in one scene. Bur what else could she do? She had to hide her stomach and the color black was her only hope.

She owned exactly one black dress and she found it hidden way in the back, behind gowns of all imaginable, brighter colors. Taking it out, Morgana made a face at it. She could only recall wearing it once or twice...to mourn a death.

She supposed the occasion on hand wasn't altogether any less morbid. Perhaps it would be appropriate after all.

/

_That Afternoon_

There would be a council meeting.

Merlin walked at Gaius's side as they proceeded to the throne room. It was just a routine council meeting, but Merlin still felt anxious. He didn't know how he could face Morgana. He didn't know how he could look into her pale, green eyes knowing what he did now.

Walking as if doom itself stalked him, Merlin remembered the conversation he had had with Gaius just hours before…

_Gaius had explained it to him, but he still couldn't wrap his mind around it._

"_If the baby is delivered alive, it will be all the more difficult to destroy it," he had said very quietly. "If the baby is delivered already dead, it will be less difficult to get rid of it."_

"_And I have to make her miscarriage," Merlin said in a voice thick with frustration. Would these trials never end? _

"_I'm so sorry, my boy," Gaius said in a gentle voice, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If I had the capacity of your magic and were able to do it myself, I would not lay this burden upon you."_

_Merlin nodded. He knew it wasn't Gaius's fault and he knew Gaius hated the idea as much as he did. But there was a difference between them. At least Gaius could separate his feelings from the task at hand and realize what had to be done._

"_Merlin, you need to stop thinking about it as if it were an innocent baby," Gaius said, as if to confirm his thoughts. "You need to see it for what it truly is: a serious threat to Camelot."_

"_I don't want her to hate me, Gaius," Merlin said, staring out the window. "I don't want to do this to a friend."_

"_She won't know, Merlin," Gaius reminded him. "She doesn't know you have magic."_

_Merlin nodded. It was true. But it didn't make the burden any easier to bear…_

/

The only reason Morgana walked with confidence to the throne room was because she had a plan.

With her heavy belly and a light skin filled with cool water strapped around it (courtesy of Gaius), it was extremely difficult to walk with purpose and good posture. It was extremely difficult _not_ to waddle like a duck. But still, she had a plan.

They would leave that evening. She would leave that evening with Gwen, Arthur, and Merlin, and go to a place far from Camelot where she could have the baby without anybody knowing about it. There was no way it could be delivered within the castle walls…_or_ the city walls. There was no way anyone could know. Gaius would meet them later on in the night, after he had finished his rounds.

Everything would work out fine. She thought back to just hours before, when she had told her plan to Uther…

_When Morgana walked into the dining room for the noon meal, dressed in her black gown and heavy black cloak, Uther had raised his eyebrow._

_"Morgana, don't tell me you're still mourning that dog," he said in a voice mixed with amusement and disbelief._

_Morgana forced herself to laugh as she strode further into the room. "Of course not, my lord," she said pleasantly. "It just looks like it's going to be a chilly day, that's all."_

_Uther grunted in agreement as he chewed a piece of meat. "The sky is rather overcast."_

_Before a nearby servant could pull out her chair and before she could do it herself, Arthur had propelled himself out of his own seat and was by her side, taking her hand and helping her into her seat._

_Taken aback, Morgana let him. Uther had stopped chewing and was looking at Arthur as if he were out of his mind._

_"Arthur," Morgana said, making sure that her voice was dripping with gratitude. "How very sweet." As he once again sat down across from her, she gave him a look of warning. Didn't be realize he was acting unnatural? _

_Fortunately, Uther ignored it and went on with business as usual. "How are you feeling today, Morgana?"_

_Morgana wondered what kind of lie Gaius had spoon fed him. "Much better, thank you." For good effect, she added, "My lord."_

_"Excellent," Uther replied, sipping from his goblet and looking greatly relieved by this news._

_Morgana knew now that the only opportunity to ask Uther what she needed to was at that moment, before he could delve into some pointless conversation._

_"My lord," she said, glancing at Arthur. "I was thinking about going on a pilgrimage to my father's grave today."_

_"A most splendid idea," Uther agreed. "The fresh air and ride will do you good."_

_"Gwen will accompany me, of course," Morgana continued, before looking down her nose at Arthur. "Arthur, would you like to escort us?" She hoped he caught her meaning._

_"Of course," Arthur said agreeably. "I can be ready immediately."_

_Uther cleared his throat._

_"I mean, I can be ready after the council meeting."_

_Council meeting. Her dream. Morgana pushed the thought away, as she continued to speak carefully._

_"We'll most likely stay the night at an inn. I would so love to see the countryside."_

_Uther nodded his consent. "Be careful, Morgana. There are all sorts of dangerous things lurking about. Dangererous _magical_ things." He clapped Arthur on the shoulder. "But Arthur is an excellent choice for an escort."_

_Morgana had been surprised that Uther had been so accommodating…_

Morgana had taken her place by Uther's side at the council meeting but hadn't listened to a word he said. She couldn't have cared less. All that mattered was that she was escaping Camelot and she would soon escape the inferno that they called pregnancy. She was in good spirits as she thought of all these things, until she felt an uncomfortable pang in her lower stomach.

The pain was like the shock of being hit with cold water. She sat up straighter, suddenly alert. She hadn't felt a pang like that at all in the last three days. She waited in dreaded apprehension, to see if it would come again.

And it _did_, this time in her back. She leaned back against the hard wood of the chair, dismissing the pains. She _was_ scheduled to have a baby tonight, after. A bit of pain beforehand was expected. And Gaius was using the fire and ice approach to speed it along – first the warm water in the skin, and now the cool water. She was just experiencing a reaction. That was all. Nothing out of the ordinary.

When the third pain arrived, it felt as if two red hot hands had grabbed her stomach and twisted it into tiny knots. Feeling as if the wind had been knocked right out of her, Morgana dug her nails into the palms of her hands and bit down on her tongue. She could not make things obvious, not now. She couldn't let anyone see her pain.

The dream. That was when she remembered the dream. She had been sitting next to Uther at a council meeting, clad in black, and there were two concerned faces…She searched the crowd for Gaius and Merlin and spotted them almost immediately. They were both staring at her with worried expressions. They could see how she felt. She hoped no one else could.

And throughout it all, Uther continued talk. He talked and talked and _talked_. Staring at a spot on the floor, Morgana felt anxiety pushing against her lungs, making it hard to breath. She felt as if she were going to die of pain and anticipation and frustration. _Why_ did he have to keep on talking _so _much? Why couldn't he just get to the point? She didn't know if she could hold out much longer, pretending she felt all right…

It was at the moment when she was sure she would fall right off of her seat that Uther dismissed the meeting. As people filed out of the throne room, Morgana stood as steadily as she could and said farewell to Uther as calmly as she could. She stepped carefully down the few steps there were and walked the long path to the door, standing tall and confident. She held her chin up. All would be well. She had walked into this room confident and she would leave confident. No one would know what she was truly experiencing.

It was only once she had left the throne room and turned the corner into an empty corridor that she fell against the wall with a cry of pain, clinging to the stone as she sunk to the floor.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Ah, and the time has come. _


	8. Chapter 7: Into The Woods

_Chapter 7: Into the Woods_

If the baby came now, it would all be over. The pain, the misery, the waddling, the secrets…it would all be over.

If Morgana had the demon baby right there in the castle corridor, the nightmare would be over and she could resume her humdrum, safe castle life.

She was delirious, obviously. There was no relief in that scenario whatsoever. She would be found out immediately. Uther would know.

Everything was blurry. _Why_ was everything so _blurry_? She was practically blind. Blind and decrepit. A blind and decrepit waddling _duck_. As tears streamed down her face and onto her black cloak, she felt hands reaching out to her. Gentle hands…who was touching her, anyway? Who was being so gentle and so kind? Where were they taking her?

She just wanted to sleep.

"Morgana?" she heard a soft, urgent voice. "Morgana, can you hear me?"

_No._ _Let me sleep._ She was drifting out of consciousness. She was being pulled under into a sea of peace and nothingness. But why was the pain still there?

Someone was shaking her gently. "Morgana, you need to stay awake."

_No. It hurts too much._

"Fight it, Morgana!"

_I can't. I'd rather not._

"No, Morgana!"

_Yes, Voice._

/

No matter how hard he tried, Merlin could not wake her. She was slipping into unconsciousness and he wasn't sure why. Perhaps she was trying to block out the pain or perhaps the pain was just too much for her at the moment. He didn't understand why she was shutting down.

But Gaius had said not to let it happen. She had to remain awake. They had to get her out of the castle.

Merlin had stood next to Gaius and watched as the pain began to reach for Morgana during the council meeting. They had watched in alarm as they saw the pain build in her eyes, threatening to pull her under. And they had watched in astonishment as she pushed it away long enough to act _normal_, to leave the throne room with dignity.

Merlin had found her in an empty hall, clinging to the stone wall as if it were her last lifeline. He had tried to speak to her, but she couldn't hear him. And so he did the only thing he could. He picked her up and carried her to her room, softly talking to her the entire time, trying to keep her alert. He couldn't help but look at her belly, somewhat concealed by the dark colors she was wearing. He could still see how much it had grown. He _admired_ her for carrying such a burden and doing so with her usual brisk, elegance.

When he placed her on her bed, she had begun to drift off again.

Merlin kneeled beside her bed and took her hand, desperation beginning to wear him down. "Please, Morgana," he said firmly. And just like he expected, nothing happened.

But what if…?

Gaius would be displeased. It was risky if anyone happened to come in and see. But what other choice did he have? Morgana needed to have her baby in the serenity of an unknown place. Uther needed to see her ride out of the city gates on her horse, not being carried out unconscious by her friends.

Throwing one last cautious glance at the door, Merlin got to his feet. He turned back to Morgana, leaned over her still form, and pressed his forehead against hers. Perhaps he could give her a little of his strength…perhaps he could pull her out of her dazed state of mind.

He said nothing. There were no words required for this, only a connection. A connection that he _knew_ he and Morgana shared. Keeping his eyes open and set upon her closed lids, he concentrated all his emotions into his eyes until he felt them glow golden.

He drew everything up. Every ounce of strength, frustration, love, terror, anxiety, hope; everything he felt at that moment, he pulled out of the very depths of his soul and his mind. He knew the intensity of what he felt would set their connection on fire and shock her awake. It was the only thing he could do. And so, he concentrated, trying not to breathe too heavily. His nose was pressed against hers, after all, and he didn't want to scare her with his close proximity.

It was only when Morgana's body jolted and her eyes flew open that he lifted his face away from hers so that he was merely leaning over her bed in concern. Breathing heavily, as if she had just woken from a nightmare, Morgana looked around in shock.

Merlin internally sighed with relief. It had _worked_.

/

The intense pain was gone for the moment, but the dull ache of it still lined her stomach. As Morgana sat upon her horse, holding tightly to the reins, she breathed deep and let the cold, clear air fill her lungs. They were out of Camelot and that was all the more reason to feel at least a little bit better.

But something wasn't right. She could see it in Gaius's eyes and she could feel it in the way Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin had rushed her out of the castle and onto a horse. She had turned to wave goodbye to Uther as he stood upon his balcony and had seen Gaius standing next to him, his posture stiffer than usual.

And she could feel it in the way Merlin and Arthur rode close to her, as if they expected her to fall off her horse at any moment. Arthur hadn't wanted her to ride on her own but she had insisted. It would only make Uther suspicious if she had to ride with somebody else. She _never_ rode with anybody else.

The fire and ice approach had worked. But it had worked _too_ quickly. The contractions were too early. She wasn't supposed to have been at this stage until at least nightfall.

Morgana wasn't even sure where they were going. Into the woods they went, at a safe pace – slow but steady – climbing further and further into the hills. She wouldn't dare say it out loud, but she was exhausted. Her exhaustion almost trampled her fear. If what she had just felt was _anything_ compared to what the birth would be like…she didn't even know. She didn't even know if she would be able to stay conscious during it.

But she would have to. How else would the baby come out?

They were deep into the forest when they stopped to rest. Arthur and Merlin helped her down from the horse while Gwen made her comfortable near a tree. Arthur looked around in distaste. "I don't see a cave anywhere," he announced.

Morgana looked up at him weakly. "I'm having my baby in a cave?"

"I'm sorry, Morgana," Arthur said with a noble shrug. "We don't have time for anything fancier."

Morgana pulled her black cloak tightly around herself. As dusk cast an orange glow through the trees, it was getting colder.

"I'll go get some firewood," Merlin said quickly, the first to notice her discomfort.

"I'll come with you," Gwen offered. "We'll be able to carry more and get back faster."

As Morgana watched her two friends disappear into the thicker trees, Arthur sat next to her. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked. Morgana looked over into his sincere, blue eyes. It was strange. She was so used to bickering with him. She wasn't used to his helpful side, since it had never quite been aimed at her often.

She had never needed it before.

"Yes," Morgana said with a tired, bitter laugh. "Teach me endurance."

"Endurance?" Arthur asked, as if were the most absurd request. "I was expecting something more along the lines of…a warm fire, a meal, a hug."

"I need the courage to do this more than I need those things."

Arthur leaned against the tree and looked across the forest, considering her request. "If I were to teach you endurance right now, I would have you run up that hill, run back down it, circle that large tree over their four times, and then face me in an ultimate sword fight."

Morgana bit down on her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud. Laughing hurt her belly too much.

"I'm afraid the best I can do for you right now is 'push, Morgana, push'," Arthur added.

Morgana nodded. "I figured that would come back to haunt me."

Arthur snorted, before his humor dissolved and a rare, gentle smile replaced it. "You already have endurance. You're brave, Morgana. You are one of the toughest females I've ever known. You _are_ cut out for this."

Morgana was touched. She smiled the best that she could – one of her _real_ smiles – and thanked him. She hoped he knew how much strength his words alone had given her.

/

An hour had passed and the bright moonlight shone down where Morgana _still _sat against the tree. She was sick of this tree and she was sick of that particular spot in the forest. She was tired of waiting and tired of her big, pregnant belly being in the way _all_ the time. She was sick of feeling like she was forty years older than she really was. She was _so_ exhausted still…

Merlin was sitting with her this time. Arthur had gone in search of the closest cave and Gwen had traveled just a few minutes the way they had come, to see if there was any sign of Gaius yet.

"How do you feel?" Merlin asked, glancing over at her.

Morgana couldn't help but be amused at such a question. She knew he was only trying to get her to say something. He knew exactly how she felt.

"Miserable," she said, turning to look at him with a sad smile. At this point, she hadn't handed herself over to complete despair. She had tried to hold on to her sense of humor, as morbid as that sense of humor was.

"Something else is bothering you," Merlin pointed out, breaking a stick in half and throwing it into the fire.

Morgana stared into the darkness that was the forest. There was something else. Something she hadn't told _anybody_. She had kept it to herself, not wanting to think about it. But it was always there, tugging at her mind, forcing her to acknowledge it.

But she knew she could trust Merlin. He was her friend, after all. They had shared secrets before. There had been that one time when she thought he had been in love with Gwen and she had promised to keep it a secret. And then there was the time they had worked together to save Mordred. And then there had been her own magic…

"I had a dream, Merlin," she whispered, twisting and untwisting the fabric of her black cloak in her hands. "It was a vision of what was to come. Of the birth of this child."

Was it just her imagination or did Merlin tense up at that statement? "What did you see?" he asked her very, very quietly.

She closed her eyes against the tears that were trying to force their way out. It had been the worst image of her whole nightmare. And she saw it _all_ the time.

"My baby had no face."

/

At first, Merlin had been shocked by what Morgana had told him. But his shock slowly turned to anger as he dug his fingers into the dirt and he closed his eyes in quiet rage. He was furious with whoever had _done_ this to her, he was angry at Gaius for thinking there was only one way out of it. And above all else, he was outraged with himself for even considering doing any harm to her baby, evil or not.

Merlin realized that if he followed Gaius's advice and destroyed the baby, then what Morgana had seen would come to pass. So that is how he would have done it. He was disgusted.

He opened his eyes. As he looked at Morgana and saw her eyes were closed, he knew she was seeing the image in her mind clearly. He could see the tormented expression on her face as she realized that it might come to pass, because her other dreams certainly had. And he knew that maybe, just maybe, he had the power to change this.

After all, the future was never set in stone, was it? The decision of one person could change the course of everything.

Or that decision could just send the future spiraling into what it was meant to be, anyway. But he still had to try.

"Morgana," Merlin said gently…but _firmly_…so that she would open her eyes and the vision of her faceless baby would vanish.

Morgana turned to him and Merlin saw her eyes were brimming brightly with tears that would not fall.

"Morgana…" How could he say it so that she would believe him? How could he let her know that nothing like that would happen? He took her hand in both of his and gave it a squeeze. While he was at it, he threw in a smile – a friendly, knowing, determined smile.

"Nothing like that is going to happen to your baby," he said and he meant it. As he looked into her pale, green eyes that glistened like…like beautiful, watery, green puddles…

_Oh, smooth, Merlin_, he thought sarcastically, exasperated that he couldn't even come up with a better comparison than that. But he did know something. He would _not_, under any circumstances, look into those eyes in the years to come and see pain that _he_ had caused. He would look at her and remember how he had taken it away. That he had changed what could have been a very traumatizing experience.

Hadn't she been through enough already?

Morgana stared at him in disbelief. "But I _saw_ it."

"I will _not_ let anything like that happen. Trust me, Morgana."

/

Morgana wanted to argue with Merlin. She wanted to demand how he could be so sure. But she looked into his eyes…dark, blue eyes that were as clear as water in a very blue ocean…and she knew she could trust him. And so she nodded and squeezed his hand back.

At that moment, they heard the crunching of twigs as Gwen returned. She looked down at Morgana's hand entwined in Merlin's and smiled. "Is everything all right?"

Morgana nodded quickly. "Yes, everything's fine. Was there any sign of Gaius?"

Gwen frowned. "No. It's getting late. He said he would be here by now."

Merlin released Morgana's hand and got to his feet. "I'll go and wait down there for a few minutes. Perhaps he'll show up at any moment." He gave Morgana once last, reassuring look, before disappearing into the dark.

Gwen sat beside Morgana and linked arms with her. Morgana gratefully leaned against her for support.

"I just want it to be over with, Gwen," she said wearily.

"I know," Gwen said, patting her arm reassuringly. "It will be over before you know it."

"What if Gaius doesn't come?"

Gwen leaned her head against the tree. It had been an outcome she had been considering ever since she noticed Gaius was late. And she had a very bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that something had kept Gaius in Camelot.

"Then I will deliver your baby," Gwen said, trying to sound as confident as she could, although she didn't _feel_ confident at all.

Morgana looked over at her. "You're sure?"

"Of course," Gwen said, forcing herself to smile. "There will be…" She forced herself to swallow her uncertainty. "There will be nothing to it, I'm sure."

Morgana sighed. "Gwen, I can't even begin to thank you enough for all you've done. You can't possibly know how much this means to me."

"No need for thanks," Gwen replied, searching deep within her mind for _any_ clues on how to deliver a baby and rifling through her memories for any experiences that would help her. "That's what friends are for."

/

Fifteen more minutes had passed before Arthur returned. And fifteen more minutes after that passed before Merlin came back. Morgana's heart fluttered with relief when she saw a figure walking behind Merlin. But that relief was ripped to shreds as she saw that the figure was not Gaius, but Sir Leon.

"Lady Morgana," he said, kneeling before her. "I trust you are well?"

"I am, Sir Leon," she lied, holding her head up and tightening her grip on Gwen's arm. "What news do you bring?"

"Gaius sent me," Sir Leon said in a low voice. "The king has fallen gravely ill and he cannot leave his side."

If Morgana had any hope at all yet, she felt that crash to her feet, lying all around her in invisible ruins. The king had fallen ill and Gaius couldn't leave his side? _Nothing_ was ever that simple. Something had happened.

But instead of demanding to know everything, Morgana merely nodded and turned to Gwen. Gwen gave her the faintest smile of reassurance before turning to look up at Arthur.

Arthur looked down her and nodded. "Let's get moving."

The fire was stamped out and Sir Leon and Merlin helped Morgana onto Arthur's horse. Morgana wrapped her arms around her foster brother and leaned her head into his back. She felt sick.

As they began to travel once more, Morgana tried to find comfort in the familiar light of the moon. Its white light shone through the forest, causing mysterious shadows that danced in the darkness. She remembered the excuse they had told Uther she had wanted to see the countryside. At that moment, she desperately wished she was just touring the countryside and not on her way to give birth to a baby she had just found out about three days ago.

Very suddenly, she felt the presence of others near. Lifting her head and peering over Arthur's shoulder, she looked up the hillside and saw a man standing in the moonlight. As they reached the top of the hill and passed him, Arthur nodded politely, although Morgana saw him tense up. His left hand was on the hilt of his sword.

She looked over at the man and her blood went cold.

It wasn't his tattered clothing or his casual stance that send shivers down her spine. And it wasn't the way the corners of his mouth were turned up in an eerie smile. It was his crooked ears and his nose. A chunk of that nose was missing.

Morgana turned away and buried her face in Arthur's shirt again as the pain returned.


	9. Chapter 8: The Fog

_Chapter 8: The Fog_

Morgana was just about to think about how she _knew_ those crooked ears and that deformed nose from somewhere, when the pain in her abdominal started again. She was just about to _realize_ the connection with mounting horror until the pain wiped it from her mind.

_Hold on to Arthur, Morgana._ That was all she could think of as they ascended another large hill. _Hold on to Arthur and do not let go._

She vaguely wondered how far away the cave was.

Pain was pushing her down into a dim, small, tormenting little world of her own. Down she spiraled as she felt each intense pang and tried not to cry out. It would be over soon, she told herself. It would all be over soon.

Suddenly, they stopped_. Why_ had they stopped? There was no time for that! Lifting her head weakly, Morgana looked around Arthur once again and saw a line of men at the top of the hill, blocking their path.

There was at least seven of them, all fitted in dark armor and each holding a sharp, gleaming sword. She could see no faces, only unblinking eyes that glinted in the light of the moon. Their black cloaks flapped in the wind.

"Let us pass," Arthur called out in a commanding voice. "We have urgent business and have no wish for confrontations."

The seven men said nothing. They each took a step forward and raised their swords halfway into the air, all at the same precise moment. Through her haze of pain, Morgana wondered if they were nonhuman…or just simply well trained.

The horse they were on stepped back a few paces and Arthur put a reassuring hand on Morgana's hands, which were clasped around his waist. It was like he could tell what she was thinking: they did _not_ need this right now. They did not need any more complications.

The little army was slowly marching down the hill towards them, their weapons still poised to attack. As her pain slowly dulled for the moment, Morgana glanced behind. They were in the worst possible position. If they turned and fled downhill, they would be overcome quickly. How could they expect to outride such knights…if that was even what they were…when they hadn't received a warning _or_ a head start?

Arthur slide off the horse and placed the reins firmly into Morgana's hands.

Morgana stared down at him in alarm. "Arthur, no. Don't even think about it."

"Too late," Arthur muttered darkly, pulling his sword from his sheath and gently pushing Morgana's horse towards the others.

Sir Leon was riding over to join him, but Arthur waved him away. "You must make sure they get to where they need to go!"

"You will be outnumbered!" Leon insisted.

"_I_ will be fine," Arthur said as he stood watching the men coming down the hill for a moment, before turning sharply to the others. "Well, _go_!"

Merlin had opened his mouth to say something, but Arthur gave him a warning look. "_All_ of you!"

But it was quite too late by that point, as the seven men charged and Arthur immediately lifted his sword to fend off the attackers. Leon joined the fight on his horse, slashing ferociously at the men as he rushed to defend Arthur. As they fought, they both tried to push their attackers further up the hill and away from Morgana. It didn't seem to be working so well.

Caught in the middle of it, Morgana clung to the reins in frustration. If _only_ she could trade her pregnant belly for a sword.

A strange, white fog was surrounding her, a fog that didn't exactly look _natural_. Another stab of pain wrenched her stomach and she felt herself lean over the horse slightly. Sitting up just hurt _so much_…

She heard Gwen calling her name frantically and she spun around, trying to see in the darkness. She tried to ignore the pain and turn her horse in the direction of Gwen's voice; she tried to find a way through the whirling arms and bodies and swords. Everyone was just _too _close. And even when she did find an opening through the fighting, she still could not proceed through. The fog was everywhere and walking into it was like walking into a solid wall.

Morgana was trapped.

/

It was the most unfortunate thing that could have happened at that time. Not even the slightest bit of luck was on their side that night. As he sat on his horse next to Gwen, Merlin squinted, searching anxiously for any sign of Morgana. The most he could see in the dark air was the blur of flying arms and clashing swords, and a strange, white fog that was slowly turning pink…

Merlin felt his entire body tense up. Magic. He could sense that magic was involved. He could _feel_ it. He spotted Morgana at that moment and saw her as she tried to ride through the fog.

She couldn't get through.

Jumping off of his horse without even thinking twice, Merlin ran into the madness, hearing Gwen shout his name. He ducked under a sword that _almost_ had his head and dodged knights here and Arthur there. He _almost _tripped and fell over a dead body, but managed to stay on his feet. Only one thing mattered…reaching Morgana.

And that's what he managed to do. Merlin climbed onto the horse behind her and circled his arms around her to take the reins from her cold hands.

Merlin concentrated his gaze on the pink fog and muttered the smallest incantation under his breath. He knew it was a risk, but he was confident Morgana couldn't hear him over the sound of battle and her own pain. He could see her fingers entwined through the horse's hair as she struggled to breath. And as his eyes flashed their unique, golden color, the horse was able to cut through the fog, running through it wildly.

They rode past Gwen atop her horse, which instantly fell into a gallop behind them. Merlin guided the horse through the trees, further and further up the hill, as he pressed his arms tight against Morgana's ribs, so that she would remain in an upright position and not fall off the horse. She was breathing heavier and Merlin knew they didn't have much time.

Merlin rode hard. He knew he really wasn't as skilled a horseman as Arthur was but still, he rode as he had never rode before, with speed he didn't even know he was capable of. All that mattered was Morgana and getting her to a safe place.

Merlin somehow knew where he was going. Arthur had said to just go up and the cave would be there. But as each new minute passed, it became increasingly more difficult to see. A white haze formed until it was a full, blinding fog. Alarmed, Merlin allowed the horse to come to a halt. He threw a glance behind him to see if Gwen was still following.

She wasn't.

_No_, Merlin thought to himself. _No!_ There was nowhere to go…unless…

He followed where the fog was the lightest. Perhaps he could get them out of it _without _using magic. Just a little more to the right and then straight…they were going uphill and that had to be right course…

The horse stopped again and reaching out, Merlin felt a stone wall in their path. Turning slightly, Merlin kept a hand out and felt stone on both sides, as well. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he realized what had happened.

They had been cornered into a tight, little stone alcove.

"Right on time," a man said in a deep voice that held a slight rasp to it. "I'll thank you to be so kind as to hand the Lady Morgana over to me now so that we can get this over with."

Turning the horse fully, Merlin saw a figure through the fog. It was the man with the crooked ears and the deformed nose.

"Who are you?" Merlin demanded. Hadn't they _just_ seen this man not too long ago? He had been standing still, smiling at them. Merlin shifted uncomfortably on the horse. He could still feel the presence of magic and knew it lied within the man.

"I am this lady's midwife," the man said with an eerie smile, "or whatever you want to call it. I am going to deliver her baby."

"You are _not_ going to come near her," Merlin warned in a low, fierce voice, slipping his left arm around Morgana ribcage, just above her belly and below her chest.

The man stared at Merlin for a moment, before shaking his head. "No, no, I believe you have this all wrong, my friend. I _must_ come near her. I can't deliver a baby from five feet away now, can I?"

"You're not going to _touch_ her," Merlin said angrily, "or her baby."

"I have every right to," the man said dangerously.

Morgana let out a sudden cry of pain and Merlin tightened his hold on her and the reins as the realization dawned on him.

"_You_ did this to her," he said in a disgusted whisper.

The man began to pace. "Hardly," he said, his voice returning to a light, friendly tone that made Merlin feel sick. "I didn't touch Uther's precious ward." He stopped and gave Merlin a hard look. "But my brother sure did."

Merlin stared at him, feeling the rage flare from the pit of his stomach into his chest.

"Don't waste any more time, _Merlin_," the man continued. "You see, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Morgana here. We cannot have a faceless baby on our hands. And so that's why you need to let _me_ handle this. We need this child to have a face."

"How do I know that you won't be the one to cause it to be faceless?" Merlin challenged.

"Because I want it to live," the man said simply. "Now hand her over, or I shall come and take her from you."

Merlin let out an angry laugh. "Never."

"Unless a faceless baby is what you want," the man added, as an afterthought.

Merlin stared at him.

The man made an astonished face. "No? That baby wasn't planted there for _love_, after all. I could have sworn that its demise would have been what you wanted."

Merlin clutched the reins in a death grip. "That's not what I want for _her_. It's not want I want at all."

"Interesting," the crooked-eared man remarked. "It's very interesting how much you care for Uther's ward. Especially since she can never be anything to you in return."

Merlin knew he was using Morgana's status to break him down and although he tried not to let it get to him, it _did_. "She's my friend," Merlin said quietly. "And that is enough." _Right Merlin? It is enough, isn't it?_

"She's your superior," the man said cruelly. "And nothing more."

"You know nothing," Merlin said angrily. "She _is _my friend. And friends don't hand those they care about over to people like you."

The man stared at him for a short moment, before bursting into a fit of evil laughter.

Merin, who found nothing funny about the situation at all, tried to calculate a plan in his head to get past the man. But nothing he came up with was quite right. He couldn't doing anything stupid and risk putting Morgana and the baby in harm's way…but still, there had to be a way…

/

Morgana was lifted from her haze by the warm liquid soaking through her black gown. She had been vaguely listening to the strange man's words, each word making her angrier and angrier and ugh, _she was so angry_. But the anger was not strong enough to pull her out of the river of pain and misery that she was drowning in. Not until then…

Her water had officially broken, that much was obvious. But Morgana had expected it to be a clear, harmless liquid. She could smell a sharp, metallic scent and as she touched it with a hesitant fingertip, the moonlight showed her that it was blood.

Panic seized her. _Blood_. But if she was bleeding, that could only mean…

…that she had lost the baby.

Morgana stared dangerously at the spot between the horse's ears. Was it possible that she had just had a…_miscarriage_? Had the stress and the recent fright and the fire/ice method and just _everything_ in general…had it all killed her baby?

At first, she had thought she had wanted to be rid of it. But secretly, she had hoped that it wouldn't be as evil as Gaius said. And even if it was evil, was it possible for any one thing to be purely and completely evil? Perhaps it was possible to turn it towards good…

Because it was _hers_. It was her baby; it was a part of her. And she wanted it to be loved.

But all of that hope was gone. Furiously, she raised her eyes to the strange man in front of her. He claimed he would deliver her baby but her baby was gone.

And so he was nothing but a threat. A horrible, lying, deceiving threat that was harassing her friend and trapping them in a corner…and it suddenly dawned on her. The seven men…they had been _his_ men and _he_ had made them attack.

He had been the ugly dog that she had fought for. The dog they had set free. He was nothing but a filthy damned spy.

And as Morgana sat staring at the sneering man and thinking about the dead baby and feeling the blood stick to her legs, something inside her snapped. With a scream of rage, her eyes turned golden and the force of her emotions swept the man off his feet and knocked him backwards, throwing him quite a distance away.

Wrapping her harms around her stomach, Morgana felt her anger suddenly burn out. If the baby was gone, then why did she still feel pressure and pain? Why did she still feel exactly like she had before? If the baby was really gone, why did it feel like it was still there…_alive_?

/

Merlin had watched the scene intensely as the hard, metallic smell of blood filled his nose (blood that he couldn't _see_ anywhere). Morgana's outraged shriek had thrown their enemy backwards and although Merlin couldn't see Morgana's eyes, he knew they had glinted gold in that instant.

All smiles and sneers had been wiped off of the evil man's face. As his surprise turned to fury, he leapt to his feet and cast out his left arm towards Merlin and Morgana. As the sorcerer began to scream out a spell, Merlin concentrated his gaze on the man, the words of an incantation on the very tip of his own tongue, the sounds just mere whispers on his lips, when the man suddenly fell forward, motionless.

All the thick fog that had surrounded them disappeared and they saw Arthur wrenching his sword out of the man's back.

"You know, Merlin," he said in a cheerful voice that held an underlying malice. "I knew we should have killed that dog when we had the chance."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I know 2 fighting against 7 seems a little far-fetched, but the odds have been against them before so...:) _

_Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated! _


	10. Chapter 9: You're A Warrior, Morgana

_Chapter 9: You're A Warrior, Morgana._

Twisting, turning, never-ending. That, to Morgana, was an accurate description of the cave that Arthur was carrying her through. And it was an accurate description of the pain she was feeling inside her.

There had been quite a few revelations in the short span of three minutes. There was the alarming realization that Gwen and Sir Leon were no longer with them and where they had gone, nobody quite knew. And when Arthur and Merlin had finally gotten Morgana to say something, she had revealed the blood.

They had all reasoned that the baby was still alive because Morgana was still in so much pain and because she still sensed something living within her. And besides, the liquid wasn't thick like blood usually was. It was still water.

Perhaps water breaking as light blood was only another irritating side effect of the spell. She wished she knew for sure.

As Arthur lied her down on the cave floor on two blankets smoothed out by Merlin, she began to care less and less about her surroundings and more and more about what was happening to her. Her belly was on fire, flickering as hotly as the torches that were placed methodically around her.

When Arthur and Merlin were turned away for a few moments, she ripped a slit in her black gown and checked the fingerprints on her stomach. They were dark purple.

Gaius wasn't there. Gwen wasn't there. And the baby was coming.

/

Merlin knew that Arthur was worried about the disappearances of Sir Leon and of course, Gwen. He knew that the fact that Gwen was out in the woods somewhere was bothering him more than he let on. But he also knew that Arthur had a duty and would stick by his foster sister in her time of desperate need. And Merlin had already assured him at least ten times that Gwen would be safe. After all, the dog-man was dead and so were his seven accomplices.

Merlin had kneeled awkwardly by Morgana's legs, knowing that it was all up to him and Arthur now to bring this baby into their strange world. But still…he couldn't bring himself to touch her or expose her. Morgana was his friend and he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and he would just feel so _wrong_…

Arthur was pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair.

"What are we going to do, Merlin? This is a disaster!"

Merlin was still frowning at Morgana's legs. Her heavy breathing filled the cave as she struggled with her pains.

"We are not _prepared_ for this!" Arthur continued. "We could never have been _prepared _for something like this!"

"What happened to 'push, Morgana, push'?" Merlin asked sarcastically.

"No one seemed to approve of that plan before! At least if Guinevere we here, we'd have a fighting chance!"

"We still have a chance, Arthur. We can do this."

"And how do you know, _Merlin_, have you ever delivered a baby before?"

"No, but…"

"Exactly!"

"Listen, Arthur, if you are going to faint, then go over _there_!"

"Well let me tell you, _Merlin_ - "

"_Stop it_!" Morgana shrieked. "It's coming!"

Merlin and Arthur exchanged a terrified, unprepared look, before Arthur kneeled next to Morgana and took her hand in his. "It will be all right," he said uncertainly, before moving behind her, in what would have been Gwen's position if all had gone according to plan. Morgana leaned against her new support system, bracing herself for what was to come.

Merlin knew Arthur was glad to be on the other side of Morgana, the side with her head and not down where he was. And he supposed it was only fair that way. Morgana _was _like a sister to Arthur and Arthur wouldn't even have the faintest idea what to do in this situation anyway…at least Merlin lived with a physician and knew a thing or two…

"Merlin!" Arthur said sharply, pulling him from his apprehensive thoughts. "Now is no time to be modest!"

Merlin nodded and quickly dipped his hands in a bucket of water that Arthur had quickly fetched before they went into the cave.

_Now or never, Merlin._

/

Sharp, insistent pains, as sharp as wielding daggers, clawed at her belly, as if they were desperate to get out. And intense pressure just _pushing _and _pushing_. Morgana felt like she was being torn in two. She was in so much miserable pain that she couldn't even feel embarrassed that the two people who happened to be around to witness the birth were Arthur and Merlin. She couldn't even feel humiliated that it was Merlin who would be delivering the baby. She had heard Arthur telling Merlin that now was not the time to be modest and she agreed with that. Hiking up her gown, she leaned against Arthur and tried to prepare herself.

It was like preparing for a battle, right? She had done that before. She had fought before. Surely this was no different.

Morgana tried to carry herself through the pain. She told herself that she could take whatever pain was coming. At least for now, it had been coming at intervals and there was always a few minutes of relief inbetween, where the pain would fade to an insistent, dull throbbing.

But these moments of relief started to occur less and less, until they did not come at all. The pain shattered everything as she tried to control herself. She no longer felt like she was preparing for a battle. She felt like she had been overtaken by the enemy and had no choice but to abandon.

But she couldn't run away. And she wouldn't even if she could. She couldn't give up, not now.

It was at that moment that the prophecy of Morgana's dream was completed. It was at that moment that she threw her head back and let out an unworldly, piercing scream.

/

Arthur was astonished.

Bewildered wasn't even the word for this situation. As Morgana leaned against him and he held tightly to her hands, he watched as she struggled to push out her baby. He was so astonished that he wasn't even sure if he wanted to crawl away and throw up, or laugh out loud at the sheer obnoxiousness of it all, or cheer her on, as if it were a tournament.

He decided all those options would be inappropriate and so he settled for quietly reminding her to push and telling her what a good job she was doing.

Arthur was also astonished as he watched _Merlin_, of all people, try to deliver the baby. How he had even the slightest idea of what he was doing, Arthur didn't know.

The screaming echoed through the cave. At times, Morgana threw her head to the side, staring at one of the cave walls, or threw her head back to scream at the ceiling. At times she just whimpered or murmured something and those were the times that Arthur knew she wanted to give up.

He had always known she was tough. He _had_ grown up with her, after all. And if anyone could push out a mysterious demon baby and live to tell about it, it was Morgana.

Leaning down, he whispered to her more fervently, hoping his words would reach her.

"You're a warrior, Morgana. You can _do_ this, Morgana!"

And those weren't just pretty words to better the situation. Arthur meant them.

/

To say it was difficult would have been a very dramatic understatement.

Merlin had started the delivery by kneeling, hoping that perhaps the baby would come quickly. But he was so, so wrong. Now, an hour and a half later, he sat in front of Morgana's open legs, talking to her quietly, telling her to relax and that everything would be okay.

He didn't like seeing her in so much agonizing pain. He wished Arthur and Morgana knew about his secret so that he could use his magic in the open at that moment, for good, to make the delivery a little easier and the pain a little more bearable.

But even as Merlin thought it, he knew he would never dare use magic even if it were allowed. He couldn't risk doing something to the child…like making it faceless.

Perhaps the worst part was that Merlin could feel the intensity of her pain. It was so strong that it was overwhelming him even as the baby began to emerge from Morgana. It only became stronger as the shoulders came next, and he had to put one hand on her belly and one hand under the baby to try and guide him out.

It was not easy at all. Merlin hoped he was doing it right.

_Breathe, Morgana…_

Morgana seemed to become more determined as more and more of the baby showed itself. Merlin no longer felt nervous or uncomfortable.

He felt amazed by what he was witnessing and what he was doing.

And he felt so proud of Morgana for giving it her all.

/

_Please, be over._

She would have given anything for it to be over. She wished she could trade places with somebody; she would much rather watch herself go through this than feel it.

_Please, please, please, be over soon._

The pressure was unbearable. She felt like she was being turned inside out.

_Never-ending. That's what this is. It will never end, will it? _

Morgana couldn't place herself elsewhere. She tried to picture the most beautiful place she had ever been but she couldn't remain there. The pain, her companion for so long, cruelly pulled her right back to the cave.

_It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it HURTS._

Gentle hands were everywhere. Arthur was holding her hands tightly. Merlin had a hand on her leg at some times, and on her belly at other times.. The touches would have been comforting if she hadn't been so oblivious to anything but pain.

_I can't stand this. I can't stand this!_

And the voices.

_Push, Morgana, push? Not again. Please, not that._

She could hear Arthur's voice talking her through it, and Merlin's voice trying to relax her. Their voices mingled together and created a hum in the background of her pain.

_I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to do this._

She felt herself stretching. It was quite possibly the most uncomfortable sensation she had ever felt in her entire life. And the white, hot pain accompanying it was like nothing she had ever experienced before.

_Just give me something strong to take the pain away. Or knock me out. I don't care which._

The room was spinning. Everything was spinning. She pressed her back against Arthur again and again, as if she could somehow disappear. But she couldn't. She was already in the middle of it.

_I think I'm going to throw up._

How long had it been? It felt like hours and hours, but perhaps it had only been a few minutes. Morgana wasn't sure anymore. Nothing existed anymore. Nothing but pain.

_I'm not going to have an ounce of sanity left if I ever get through this._

And still, the stretching below continued. Was the baby finally coming out? Yes, it had been coming out for a little while now, but how long? She didn't know how long.

_No, no, no, NO._

No amount of pain would ever compare to this. Ever. The soft voices were still there, trying to talk her through it. They were encouraging her to push, to give it her all, to have this baby…

_Don't scream. Try not to scream._

She couldn't help it. She had screamed so much that she had become quite numb to it. She hoped Merlin and Arthur had, too. She was surprised the walls of the cave hadn't come down from the sheer noise yet.

_Are you really crying? Is there any reason at all to cry? Yes. YES._

"You're a warrior, Morgana," Arthur was telling her. "You can _do_ this, Morgana!"

_A warrior? A warrior…_

"Morgana, you're doing great!" That was Merlin's voice. "It's almost here. Just give me one more push…"

_You can do this. You MUST do this. It will be over so soon._

Morgana was vaguely aware of another person entering the room, running wildly and falling to their knees beside her. They squeezed her hand tightly…

_Gwen? Oh, thank God, Gwen!_

Gwen, Arthur, and Merlin. Her three greatest friends were all there, helping her with this birth. The crying, the screaming, everything…it all reached its absolute and final peak, and with one last push, the baby was out and the pain was gone.

_It's over. You did it. It's all over, now._

/

Merlin's hands shook. The baby was tiny and bloody. But it was one of the most incredible things he had ever seen at that moment. Looking around, he saw there was nothing extra to cover the baby with. As he held it carefully to his chest, he untied his red neckerchief and wrapped the baby in it.

It had a face. And it didn't cry. It merely looked up at him with wide, green eyes…_Morgana's _eyes…and blinked. As Merlin looked to Morgana and saw her exhausted, but now peaceful face, he grinned.

He got to his knees and placed the baby in her arms. "It's a boy," he told her, not able to keep the silly grin off of his face and the pride from beaming out of his eyes.

Arthur, looking just as exhausted as if he had been the one who had pushed out a baby, threw back his head and laughed in relief. A happy tear rolled down Gwen's face and past her soft smile, as she knelt beside Morgana and peered at her baby with her.

Merlin had watched the moment that Morgana became a mother. He now watched as she looked down at her little bundle in amazement, in joy, in relief. He watched as she smiled and her eyes radiated love to the thing in her arms that was supposedly evil.

"What's his name?" Arthur asked her, looking over her shoulder at the baby.

Without hesitation, Morgana replied, "Ywain."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I hope that chapter didn't seem all over the place. This was the best way I felt I could do it. And there's a reason I had Morgana name her son Ywain. In the legends, Morgan le Fay has a son named Ywain. Yay for significance!_


	11. Chapter 10: Urien Rheged

_A/N: Thank you so much everyone for the reviews! Reading what people think seriously makes me so excited._

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><p><em>Chapter 10: Urien Rheged<em>

He was the loveliest thing that Morgana had ever seen. He was just _perfect_ in every way. He had a beautiful face with pale, green eyes…_her_ eyes…and dark, curly hair just like _her _hair…hadn't Gaius said the baby would inherit most of the father's traits? Although that could mean…

_No._ Morgana wasn't going to let any negative thoughts steal her joy.

She had named him Ywain simply because she liked the name. A long time ago, on a cold winter evening, she had sat on her bed with Gwen and they had talked about boys and children and what they would name those children. Even then, Morgana had stood by the name Ywain.

Back in Camelot, Morgana had many beautiful gowns and pieces of exquisite jewelry. She had many materialistic things. But now she had something that was really, truly, and undeniably hers.

She had Ywain now.

/

Merlin was no expert on babies, but he was quite sure that Ywain was one of the calmest babies he had ever seen. As he sat against the cave wall in the soft light of the flickering torch, he cradled the small baby to his chest while Morgana slept soundly.

He couldn't take his eyes off of him. He couldn't believe that he had helped bring him into this world and he also couldn't believe that he was evil. How could something so tiny, so innocent, so _beautiful_…be so damned?

Most of the time, Ywain kept his eyes closed and slept. Every once and awhile, he would open those pale, green eyes and look up into Merlin's dark blue ones. And Merlin would smile softly down at him until Ywain once again closed his eyes and slept once more.

/

Gwen didn't think she had stopped smiling since the baby had arrived. She was so happy for Morgana and she was so happy everything had gone so well. She was proud of Arthur for being such a supportive coach and she was _so_ proud of Merlin for delivering the baby single-handedly without her _or_ Gaius.

Gwen had been unbelievably frustrated when the fog had separated her from Merlin and Morgana. And she had been so relieved to find Sir Leon some time after. Together, they had physically _and_ mentally stumbled their way up the hill, looking for the cave. After about an hour of getting lost, backtracking, and somewhat succeeding, they heard Morgana's screams and that's how they knew they had were where they were supposed to be.

Merlin and Arthur had left to talk to Sir Leon, who was guarding the outside of the cave, so she could help Morgana clean up.

"Look Gwen," Morgana had said, looking up at her with a genuinely happy smile. "I got a Ywain after all."

Gwen smiled even wider (for she was already smiling before) and put a hand on Morgana's. "That you did. That seems so long ago. I can't believe you remembered."

"I never forgot," Morgana said, looking back down at her new son.

After awhile, Merlin, Arthur, and Sir Leon came in and they all sat around the fire, as they wondered what to do next.

The very thought scared Gwen. Obviously, they couldn't go back and live under Uther's nose. Gaius had said that the child would grow up unnaturally fast and Uther would know it was magic.

But Morgana had to go back to Camelot eventually. She couldn't stay away forever.

"I must return to Camelot and see to my father," Arthur said, breaking the silence that had hovered over them. "Sir Leon will stay with you all and make sure that you stay safe."

"Where are we to go?" Morgana asked and Gwen studied Arthur's face. By the look in his eyes, she knew he didn't have the slightest idea.

Arthur stared into the fire, thinking, before shrugging. "You can't stay here, that's all I know."

"There's an inn not far from here, isn't there?" Merlin suggested.

Arthur turned to his manservant. "How do you know that?"

"I _did_ come this way when I first traveled to Camelot," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur turned back to the fire, clearly muddled that he hadn't thought of such a plan. "You're smarter than you look, Merlin. An inn it is, then."

Morgana nodded her agreement and Gwen leaned against the cave wall, trying not to feel distressed. She hated not having a plan.

"We leave in an hour, by dawn's light," Arthur announced, turning and giving her a meaningful look.

Gwen tried to take solace from it.

/

When dawn greeted them with its lovely, haunting, pink glow, they were all standing at the mouth of the cave. As the cool, morning air wisped over her skin, Morgana held her baby closer to her. It was still wrapped in Merlin's red neckerchief, along with a blanket, and was set in a unique cloth sling fashioned by Gwen, which went around Morgana's neck.

They all stood in silence, unsure of what to do. Morgana knew Arthur would be leaving them at any moment.

"What direction is this inn of yours in, Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"North," Merlin said confidently, pointing. "That way."

Arthur nodded.

"I think," Merlin added.

"_Merlin_!"

At that moment, there was a rustle in the woods and the sound of approaching footsteps. Morgana took a step back and her guard immediately came back up as she held her baby tighter.

A cheerful, dark-haired man emerged from the forest greenery. Morgana noticed that he didn't look to be much older than Arthur, although there was something extremely…_old_ about him. Perhaps it was the way his dark hair covered the sides of his face and his chin. Or perhaps it was the expression in his strange light blue eyes, which were flecked with red. He wore a sword strapped to his back and black leather all over, which creaked when he walked.

The others immediately moved closer to her and the baby.

"Ah, a damsel in distress!" said the man as he came forward with his fancy walking stick.

Morgana narrowed her eyes and held even Ywain closer. "I am no damsel in distress," she retorted.

"Forgive me," the man said with a smile, as he extended his hand. "I am just not used to seeing such a lovely lady in the depths of the forest. The name's Urien Rheged."

Morgana hesitantly took his hand. "Morgana Pendragon."

With a surprised look, Urien dropped to his knee in a bow. "Forgive me," he said again. "I did not realize I was in the presence of the Lady Morgana and…" He peered up at Arthur from under his heavy eyebrows. "Prince Arthur."

Arthur gave Sir Leon a distasteful look and muttered out of the corner of his mouth, "On second thought, perhaps I should stay with you."

"Not to be brash," Urien said, getting back to his feet. "But you look like you are all quite lost. Maybe I could be of assistance?"

"We're fine," Arthur said firmly. "We were just about to be on our way."

Urien nodded. "Of course. I trust you know your way, then."

Sir Leon looked at Arthur uncomfortably. Arthur shot a look at Merlin, who shrugged.

Tightening the reins on his horse, Arthur cleared his throat. "Actually, if you could direct my friends here to the nearest village and inn, that would be most helpful."

"Inn?" Urien asked, his strange eyes gleaming. "Nonsense! Since you are so close to my home, I insist you be my guests."

"We couldn't impose," Morgana said quickly. Although he seemed to be a bit strange, he also seemed friendly enough. "There are far too many of us."

"Not at all!" Urien pointed his walking stick north. "There is plenty of room for all in my father's kingdom."

Arthur blinked a few times. "Your father's kingdom? Then you are a prince?"

Urien bowed to them again. Morgana tried not to wrinkle her nose. It was quite possibly the most dramatic bow she had ever seen. "Urien Rheged, son of Cynfarch Oer," he announced proudly.

Arthur bowed stiffly in respect, as did the others. "My apologies, Prince Urien. I did not realize we were so close to Hen Ogledd."

"So close you could practically touch it from here, my friend!" Urien boomed, before lowering his voice and winking. "But really, I insist. I invite you all to come stay with me until you must be on your way again."

Morgana turned to Arthur, who still looked skeptical. "We have nowhere else to go," she whispered to him.

Arthur nodded. "My father has never had ill ties with King Cynfarch and his kingdom. They've been nothing but civil."

He turned once more to Urien. "I must return to Camelot immediately. But if it is no burden on you or the king, I would accept your offer and be most grateful to you."

"No burden at all," Urien assured him. "We would be honored."

_That_ was how Morgana found herself back on a horse and on her way to yet another new destination. Since there was a shortage of horses because two of them had ran away during the previous night's fight, she shared a horse with Merlin, and Gwen and Sir Leon shared the other horse. They followed Urien, who marched forward enthusiastically with his walking stick.

Morgana sat calmly behind Merlin, cradling Ywain. It was a safe pace because although Urien walked like a man on a mission, the horses could go slowly and at their leisure. And after only fifteen minutes, they exited the comfortable shade of the forest and stepped upon a green hill that overlooked a beautiful castle and city, even larger than Camelot. The white stone sparkled in the sunlight and people, tiny as ants, bustled everywhere.

As they descended the steep hill, Morgana held tightly to Ywain with one hand and grabbed a fistful of Merlin's jacket with the other. She was filled with delirious hope. Perhaps this would be a true sanctuary, a place for her and her son, at least for now.

Who knew? Perhaps she wouldn't even want to leave.

/

Fourteen hours later. It was incredible what fourteen hours could do. In the span of fourteen hours, Morgana had left a dreary cave and come to a stunning castle, gotten the best sleep she had in _years_, spent some quality time with her new baby son, became best friends with Urien's father, and become the primary reason for Urien's father to hold a grand ball.

That was how fourteen hours later, she was standing in front of a golden-rimmed mirror in her new, dark blue gown. Her gigantic belly was gone and her figure was back to normal. But she felt different. It wasn't just the baby that she was holding on her hip now. It was something inside. Perhaps it was the intense urge to love and protect something more than herself. She had always been selfless and cared for those who were less fortunate, but this was an entirely new level.

One of the _grand_ things about the _grand _ball was that she knew absolutely nobody besides Urien and his father, and of course, Gwen, Sir Leon and…Merlin? As she looked around the enormous, pristine ballroom, Morgana could see no sign of Merlin. It was odd that he wasn't there, but perhaps he just didn't care for this sort of thing…

/

Merlin leaned against the balcony railing as he watched the ball through a clear window that was so large that it took up an entire wall in its immensity. Although he probably should have been _inside_ enjoying the festivities, he didn't care. He liked it much better outside.

He didn't know what it was, but something about the entire situation unnerved him. He didn't entirely trust Urien _or_ his father. He didn't understand how Morgana had become such fast friends with them, but then again, he hadn't seen Morgana this happy since…

…since he didn't know when.

He watched now as she slowly made her way around the perimeter of the ballroom in a dark blue gown with Ywain on her hip. Merlin could hear the loud music through the window and could see that Morgana was keeping time with the music, waltzing with her baby, oblivious of everything and everyone else.

The baby had already seemed to grow. He wasn't as tiny as he had been that morning.

It was at that moment that Urien appeared, wearing his _ridiculous_ golden cape, and tapped her on the shoulder. He held out his calloused hand and said something that Merlin couldn't hear. He didn't care to hear it, either.

Morgana looked to be on the verge of rejecting him until Gwen appeared and held out her arms, apparently offering to take Ywain. Merlin watched, unimpressed, as Morgana danced with Urien, gliding around the floor and around other couples. He tried to become numb to the uncomfortable feeling inside him. When he got sick of seeing them, he turned and looked out at the landscape instead, wondering how Arthur's journey had gone and how Uther was.

Arthur would no doubt tell Gaius about the baby. Gaius would know what Merlin's choice had been.

Merlin didn't know how long he stood there, staring up at the moon, but he suddenly felt a presence. He waited as he heard the soft tapping of footsteps and then turned to his right and looked down. Morgana was leaning against the railing, looking out across the land.

"I _knew_ I didn't see you in there," she said teasingly. "Is there something out here that is much more appealing, Merlin?"

_Yes_, Merlin thought grimly. _Everything._ He had been at enough parties in Camelot as a servant to know that he sure wouldn't fit in as a guest.

"It's just…" Merlin frowned, not sure how to put it. "…nice out here," he finished lamely.

Morgana nodded in agreement. "It _is_ beautiful."

They stood in companionable silence for a few minutes, before Morgana straightened and turned to him. "I never got to properly thank you, Merlin," she said as she looked up at him sincerely. "What you did for me this morning was incredible. I am eternally grateful."

Merlin let the smallest of smiles make an indent in his cheek. "It was worth it to see…" _To see what, Merlin?_ "…to see how happy you've become this past day."

Morgana's face broke into a smile that practically radiated joy. "You're a great friend, Merlin. What would I do without you?"

Merlin wanted to point out that if he hadn't been there, Arthur sure wouldn't have delivered her baby – _or_ would have had a heart attack in the process of trying - but kept that to himself. It wasn't a question that was meant to be answered. He instead smiled back at her, fully this time.

Her smile disappeared suddenly as she looked down at her hands, which were fidgeting with the silk of her gown. "I heard everything that the filthy dog said to you last night," she said quietly. "And I hope you know that he was wrong, Merlin." She looked back up. "Status means nothing."

Merlin tried to keep smiling for her, to let her know that it hadn't bothered him, but failed miserably. The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he looked out across the valley, feeling the sting of the dog's words return.

"I wanted you to know that I will always be your friend, Merlin," Morgana added. "No matter what happens. For better or for worse."

Merlin felt his heart rise as he turned back to her. "Thank you, Morgana," Merlin said honestly. "That means a lot."

Morgana smiled, patted his hand, and turned to leave. Just before she could go through the fancy glass door, Merlin turned quickly.

"Morgana," he called and she looked back at him.

"You will always find a friend in me," he told her quietly. "Always."

The corners of Morgana's mouth twitched up in the smallest of smiles. "Thank you, Merlin."

Merlin turned back to the moon, feeling much better. He was replaying Morgana's thoughtful words in his head, when he heard a rustle in the bushes below him.

The sound didn't seriously alarm him. It was probably an animal of some sort. Leaning over the railing, he reached his hand down to look. And that's when a hand shot out of the bush and grabbed his wrist, pulled him over the railing. He landed inside the huge, feathery leaves of the bush with a thud. Rubbing his sore side, Merlin looked to see the source of his fall.

He saw Arthur leaning against the wall, grinning at him.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I know this chapter wasn't nearly as exciting as the last, but there is some important information disclosed in here. No worries, in the next chapter, everything will get complicated again. I hope the interactions between Morgana and Merlin seem real. For some reason, I feel like I have a hard time writing them. But with the ball scene, I was imagining just a lot of awkward smiling going on...you know how Morgana has that certain friendly smile she bursts into at points and Merlin just has that quiet smile that is sometimes goofy but sometimes totally serious? Yes. It's complicated._


	12. Chapter 11: To Camelot

_A/N: I'm sorry its taken me awhile to update! Things have been hectic, what with the new Harry Potter movie out and all...but here is the next installment of this story :)_

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><p><em>Chapter 11: To Camelot <em>

_**9 P.M**_

Merlin stared at Arthur for a few moments, before turning away and shaking his head at the leafy vegetation surrounding them.

"Do you always hang around in bushes and pull people down into them for fun?" he asked flatly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Don't get excited, Merlin. I'm here for a reason."

Merlin looked back at him. "How's the king?"

Arthur shrugged slightly, acknowledging the question. "He _has_ seen better days."

"So haven't we all," Merlin muttered darkly.

Arthur blinked. "You're a bit sensitive since delivering that baby, Merlin."

"Why are you back so soon?" Merlin asked, ignoring his remark.

Arthur looked uncomfortable. "If… my father is getting worse, I think it would be wise to bring Morgana back to Camelot…so we can be there for him in case…"

Merlin's expression softened. Although Arthur hadn't said it, he knew what he was thinking. _In case he dies._ "Nothing's going to happen to him, Arthur."

Arthur inhaled and let out a noisy breath. "I hope you're right, Merlin. But we leave in the morning. He's all right…for now. Gaius has made him comfortable."

As silence echoed through the night air, Merlin suddenly remembered Gaius's words; words that were now practically burned into the interior of his brain. _Someone magical who loathes Uther impregnated his precious ward…_

_Morgana has a child and Uther has no choice but to accept its existence…_

_And then the father of that child murders Uther and Arthur so that his demon child may ascend the throne to Camelot…_

"And the baby?" Merlin asked. Camelot was the last place that Ywaine should be and they all knew it.

"I don't know," Arthur said and Merlin noticed that he looked truly exhausted. "We'll cross that path when we come to it, I suppose. For now, we must get back to Camelot."

Merlin had had the suspicion for awhile that Uther's illness wasn't natural. He knew that someone was responsible for it. Someone was slowly killing him and luring Morgana, Arthur, _and_ the baby back to Camelot…

Merlin leaned against the wall as he sat quietly with Arthur.

_Now what, Merlin?_

/

_**9:45 P.M**_

Not quite an hour later, Merlin paced across the guest room with the hideous mauve carpets and the disturbing knight statue in the corner. He had folded his arms tightly across his chest, as if constricting his breathing would somehow make a solution appear quicker.

He had to do something and he had to do it fast. He couldn't let Morgana, Arthur, and Ywaine go back to Camelot. It wasn't safe. Whoever was there would kill Arthur and take the baby. He didn't even know what they would do to Morgana. He let out a breath of fear at the thought.

He supposed that he could always use the method of persuasion, although he had never been quite successful with that. If only he could just _persuade_ Arthur to not go back…

_Or maybe…_

Merlin stopped pacing for a moment. _What if…_

What if Uther became well again? If Uther became well, then there was no reason for Arthur to bring Morgana back to Camelot.

Gaius had once told him that magic countered magic. Merlin knew what he had to do. He burst out of the door, leaving his ugly room behind, and headed for the entrance of the castle.

/

**10 P.M**

Morgana sighed with a soft smile. She couldn't remember the last night she had felt so…_content_. She couldn't remember the last time she had walked into a room, closed the door, and shook with excitement. She couldn't even keep the smile from her face. It seemed like it was always there now, and she _liked_ that. As she stood over the fine, wooden crib that Urien and his father had given to Ywaine, she continued to smile as she looked down at her new son.

At times, she found herself saying it to herself, just because she liked the way that it sounded. _My son._

_My son. My son. My son._

She never dreamed she would have a baby of her own, let alone a beautiful baby boy to call Ywaine. And even though he had been given to her in the most unromantic way possible, he was still hers.

Morgana reached a hand into the crib. As Ywaine reached up and wrapped his tiny fingers around her thumb, she felt a pang of sadness. He was already growing up so fast. He was already getting bigger.

But Morgana violently pushed the thought away. There would be time to worry about that later, but not tonight. She gently smoothed back his dark hair and leaned down to his kiss forehead.

_My son._

"Goodnight, Ywaine," she said softly, before climbing into her own bed and falling fast asleep.

/

**10:15 P.M**

Merlin was lost.

He had no idea _why_ Urien and his father needed such an abnormally large castle when it was really just the two of them and a few knights and servants. Surely they only needed a castle half the size of this one. He had wandered through the corridors aimlessly, getting increasingly frustrated. He didn't have time for this. He had to get back to Camelot, heal Uther, and get back to this same, ridiculous castle before dawn.

How exactly he was going to heal Uther, he didn't quite know yet.

"Lost?" came a deep voice from behind Merlin, making him jump involuntarily. He turned to look into the strange face of Urien. He felt a pang of irritation as Urien flourished his golden cape and wiggled his eyebrows smugly.

Before Merlin could retort that yes, he _was_ lost in Urien's maze of a home, Urien waved his hand.

"If you are looking for the entrance, it is that way." He pointed in the direction that he had come from. "_You're_ going the wrong way."

Merlin stared darkly at him. Swallowing his anger, he managed to nod, before walking in the direction Urien had told him.

"If I may ask," Urien said quickly, causing Merlin to stop in his tracks, "why leave in such a hurry when you could just stay the night as my guest?"

Merlin didn't turn around. "An urgent matter."

"Ah," Urien said politely. "I can't argue with that, now can I?"

Merlin began to walk again.

"Morlin!" Urien called.

"It's _Me_rlin!"

"Yes, well, be on your guard, _Merlin_!" Urien warned with a grim smile. "There are all sorts of strange things lurking out there in the middle of the night."

Merlin ignored Urien. He had already lost enough precious time.

/

_**Midnight**_

Gwen stepped lightly out of the doorway of her room and into the long, stone corridor. If she was being completely honest, she was too relieved to sleep. Their luck almost frightened her. A smooth delivery, a healthy baby, a place to stay, generous hosts…how did fate favor them so?

She figured that instead of lying in the fancy bed and grinning to herself, she would go check on Morgana and Ywaine. She knew they were just fine, but it couldn't hurt to just make sure. But before she could walk a few steps, she heard another pair of footsteps. Slipping behind a large statue of a menacing-looking queen, she listened carefully.

Gwen knew she was being silly. She wasn't doing anything wrong, so why hide? But something about the footsteps ignited her curiosity…and set off a warning in her mind. Peeking behind the statue cautiously, she watched as Urien walked past, still dressed in his golden cape.

He walked briskly, yet quietly, and he didn't stop. Gwen stared as he walked past the door of Morgana's room, paused for a moment, and turned the corner.

What was he doing wandering around at night, and still dressed? Why was he even on this floor?

Tiptoeing into the center of the corridor, Gwen listened for a few moments, before hurrying to Morgana's door. Gently opening it a crack, she slipped in and crept over to the bed.

Both Morgan and Ywaine were sleeping peacefully. With a sigh of relief, Gwen turned to leave.

Of course all was well. She had known it would be. And so she went back to her room and finally managed to fall asleep.

/

_**1:45 A.M**_

Gaius wasn't in his chambers.

Frowning, Merlin ran up the steps to his room and pulled his spellbook from its hiding spot. Sitting on his bed, he flipped through the pages urgently. He had asked Arthur what Uther's symptoms had been and now, Merlin heard Arthur's voice repeating those symptoms in his head, over and over again.

_Fever, hallucinations, sickness…Nausea, fatigue, pains…Fainting, glowing, screaming..._

Merlin knew the situation was difficult. Those symptoms could suggest _anything_ and they didn't have to be necessarily magic-induced…except perhaps the glowing part. Merlin wasn't sure what Arthur had meant by that.

When Merlin had flipped through the entire book, he snapped it close and sat, trying to sort through his tangled thoughts. Perhaps he had missed something.

Opening the book, he began again, from the beginning.

_Fever, hallucinations, sickness…Nausea, fatigue, pains…Fainting, glowing, screaming..._

/

_**2:00 A.M**_

Morgana had _expected_ pleasant dreams. In fact, after all she had been through in the last few days, she could have almost _demanded _pleasant dreams. But of course, one dream of relief was too much to ask and so she got something entirely different instead: more frightening visions.

_She was in a deep, green, lush forest. She was tired and she was beyond worried, although about what, she had no idea. All she could do was walk. And so walk she did, until a soft whooshing sound made her look up at the sky._

_There were dark, impending clouds of doom, but there was also an object soaring through the sky. It almost looked like a…dragon. And there was someone riding the dragon. Although the strange sight had distracted her from her torment for a few seconds, it could distract her no more. She wrung her hands together as she walked on…_

_The scene changed in a swirl of light. Morgana was in that same exact forest, but it was nighttime. She was angry and so, so hurt. But about what? She only saw her own face lit by the glow of a fire, as she opened her mouth. _

_She yelled. And she couldn't even see who she was screaming at. But she felt betrayed, almost as if she didn't have a friend in the world. She felt devastated. There was no hope to be found. She pointed furiously at something deep into the forest as she continued her rant, before the tears finally came…_

_Again, her surroundings changed in an unsettling haze. She was once again angry, but this rage matched nothing else that she had ever felt before. She was standing before a man, her posture stiff. She was posed as if to strike, but with magic or a weapon, she knew not which._

_The man stepped into the light of the moon. She saw that it was Urien, his strange eyes flickering dangerously as he held Ywaine tightly in his grasp…_

As soon as Morgana's eyes shot open, she scrambled out of the bed and over to Ywaine's crib. He was still sleeping peacefully. Breathing out a sigh of relief, she hung on to the bed posts for support. Her visions swam dangerously in her mind. She didn't know what to make of anything.

Stepping delicately across the cold stone floor, she locked her door. Then, Morgana sat in front of what was left of the fire in the hearth, and wrapped her arms around her knees.

She couldn't get the dreams out of her mind.

/

_**2:45 A.M**_

An insertion spell.

That was _it_. Whoever had cursed Uther had used an insertion spell. Merlin didn't know how long he had stared at the aged page, trying to memorize all the information there was on the spell. But he finally felt as if he had a firm understanding of it.

A tiny object had been magically inserted into Uther's body, through his skin. This cursed object would make him sick and slowly, eventually, kill him. Now the only problem was to find out where the object dwelled in Uther…

Shoving the book under his bed, Merlin opened his bedroom door and ran back down the stairs. He stopped short when he saw Gaius sitting at the table with a large book and a candle.

Gaius knew. He _had_ to know. Arthur had been back to Camelot and he would have told Gaius all about Morgana and Ywaine.

As Gaius rose from the table, Merlin put his hands up defensively. "I don't regret what I did, Gaius," he said quietly.

Gaius circled the table and walked over to Merlin. "Neither do I, dear boy," he said gently, before giving Merlin a hug.

Merlin embraced the physician in surprise. "You're not angry?"

Pulling away, Gaius studied Merlin's face for a moment. "No." He made his way back to the table. "Fear and desperation muddled my thinking and caused me to give you some poor advice. I couldn't be happier that you went against it."

Merlin grinned suddenly. "Oh Gaius, you should see him. He's beautiful."

"And in time, I will meet little Ywaine," Gaius agreed. "But now, I assume you aren't here just to deliver good news?"

Merlin's smile disappeared. "No. I'm actually here to cure Uther."

/

_**2:55 A.M**_

Uther _was_ glowing.

He was glowing an eerie, peach color that Merlin had never seen before. He looked _awful_. Sweat poured down his face, shimmering in the glow of his skin. Occasionally, he would scream out in shock or pain.

Holding a candle close to Uther, Merlin examined his body, looking for any sign of anything that should not be there. He searched twice, up and down, intently. He found nothing.

Closing his eyes, Merlin tried to feel a connection. The object was obviously magical and he would be able to feel that. He waited, clearing his mind of his confused and anxious thoughts.

_Feel it, Merlin. Where could it be?_

His eyes opened slowly. Reaching down, he picked up Uther's right hand. Wedged under the skin, right in the crease of his littlest finger, was a strange shape.

_That was it._

Falling to his knees, Merlin concentrated on the shape. Muttering the words of the incantation he had memorized from his spellbook, his eyes turned golden as he touched his finger to Uther's little finger. As the words he murmured intensified in magnitude and emotion, he drew his finger away slowly. The object flowed out of Uther's finger, as easily as if it were a ghost floating through a wall, and followed Merlin's finger, as if attracted by an unseen magnetic force. Merlin dropped Uther's hand and caught the object as it fell.

The peach glow disappeared, and with it went the sweat, pain, screams, and sickness. Uther looked peaceful once again and Merlin knew he had saved him. Clutching the object tightly in his hand, he blew out the candle and hurried out into the corridor, where the light would reveal to him what it was.

/

_**3:05 A.M**_

As Merlin uncurled his fingers, he saw that it was nothing more than a tiny pendent, most likely meant to be worn as a charm on a chain or on a crown. Carved on the stone was a tiny, ferocious lion and around its neck was a thin, long snake with three fangs.

Merlin had seen the emblem before, very recently. As he leaned against the wall, he weighed the pendent in his hand and searched his mind. He had just seen it in the past day…

At Urien's castle.

It was the family crest of Urien Rheged and Cynfarch Oer, and the emblem of the kingdom of Hen Ogledd.

With this realization squeezing his heart tightly, Merlin ran desperately down corridors and stone steps. He had to leave Camelot immediately.

He had to get to his friends, who were sleeping unaware in the castle of the enemy.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I really hope everyone liked this chapter and it didn't seem like mindless, pointless filler. There are actually a lot of clues within this chapter of whats to come (probably really obvious clues). And I know there weren't any Merlin/Morgana moments in here but it was completley necessary for Merlin to leave for the night. There will definitely be more of those moments in the next chapter._

_And I hope the "time" thing worked. The mechanical clock was invented by this time (or whatever time we suppose Arthurian legend to take place in)...but even if they didn't see time like that ("2:55 A.M") I thought it would be more interesting for us to see it that way, kind of highlighting the urgency of the situation._

_But again, I know this wasn't the most thrilling or emotionally satisfying of chapters, but I feel like it was necessary to give out those clues and this chapter will be the glue that seals the upcoming events. Yay! Any feedback would be awesome. Thank you so much for the reviews!_


	13. Chapter 12: Goodbye to Hen Ogledd

_Chapter 12: Goodbye to Hen Ogledd_

Morgana felt as cold as ice.

When she awoke, she was shivering on the floor. She was quite shocked to see that the warm fire that she had fallen asleep in front of had turned to pure, hard ice. What had once been flexible, wispy flames that reached upward were now sharp, jagged icicles, frozen in time.

_Well_, she thought dryly. _At least there were no more terrible dreams._

Oh, the bright side of life.

But there _was_ a bright side to life and his name was Ywaine. Soft light was streaming through the window panes and Morgana brightened as she thought about him. She got to her feet quickly and made her way to the crib, expecting to find her son sleeping peacefully.

But when Morgana looked over the edge, she saw that Ywaine was gone.

/

Merlin's hands were so tight on the reins that his knuckles had turned white. Not that he noticed because he had more difficult matters on his mind, like the fact that most of the people he held dear were in the castle of that arrogant clotpole, Urien. And now Merlin knew that he was a dangerous clotpole, as well.

For not the first time in the last few days, Merlin silently wished that he was more skilled with a horse. He wanted to get to Hen Ogledd as soon as possible. At the moment, he was having a hard enough time just staying on the chestnut horse he was riding.

But miraculously, he arrived just at dawn, with scratches covering his face from intruding branches but still with a determined spirit. As he left his horse in the safety of the forest and carefully snuck to the edge of the clearing, he hoped he wasn't too late.

/

Arthur was very refreshed. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well, considering the circumstances. He strode out of his room, resisting the urge to hum a tune because then he would just look _ridiculous_, kind of like Merlin and…where was Merlin lately?

Upon looking into Merlin's room, he saw that the bed had never been slept in. Rolling his eyes, Arthur closed the door, wondering if Merlin had found a nearby tavern or was just doing something else unusual.

As Arthur continued his journey down the hall, Morgana burst out of her room and after looking around the corridor wildly, she spotted him and ran to him as if her very life depended on the speed of the situation.

"Morgana," Arthur said carefully as she threw herself towards him and gripped his arms tightly. "Morgana, what happened?"

"He's gone," Morgana whispered fearfully and the wild look in her eyes almost _frightened_ him.

Arthur frowned. "Merlin? I know that, I've been looking for the useless…"

"No, not Merlin!" Morgana said impatiently, whacking him in the shoulder. "My baby is gone!" Tears filled her eyes as she began to pace around the corridor.

For once, Arthur didn't know what to say so he did what he knew how to do. Going into full knight mode, he gently led Morgana back to her room.

"We need to leave shortly," Arthur told her calmly. "You just get ready and don't worry about a thing. I will go talk to Urien and the king and we will sort this out."

Morgana looked alarmed at the mention of Urien, but Arthur attributed it to concern for her child. He was more than ever determined to find Ywaine now and to see the empty, lost expression in Morgana's eyes go away for good.

/

After tripping and falling in the field and stepping over a witless, sleeping guard, Merlin finally made it inside the castle. Everything was quiet and he took that to be a good sign, at the moment.

Finding his way into the castle proved to be easier than finding his way out, and Merlin soon became unnerved at how easy a time he was having. The only sound was his footsteps as they echoed throughout corridor after corridor.

It was early in the morning, but Merlin still couldn't help but wonder…where was everyone?

Just as Merlin was climbing a set of stairs and getting to what he _thought_ was the floor that held their guest rooms, a set of wooden double doors burst open and hit the walls with a large, resounding bang. Arthur, looking quite ferocious, strode through them, and stopped immediately when he saw Merlin.

"_Where_ have you been?" Arthur exclaimed, half exasperated and half annoyed. "My father is on his deathbed and you're out gallivanting on the town…"

"Your father is healed," Merlin interrupted calmly.

"How do _you_ know that?"

"Because I rode to Camelot last night," Merlin replied simply. "And he's doing fine. We don't have to go back to Camelot yet."

"You're right," Arthur said bitterly. "We won't be going anywhere because Morgana's baby is missing."

Merlin felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. "What?"

"Her baby is gone!" Arthur said loudly, but Merlin didn't wait around to hear what else he had to say on the matter. He spun on his heel and took off running down the stone stairs, in what he hoped was the direction of the throne room.

Merlin found the ornate doors almost effortlessly and he flung them open, not even bothering to think how ridiculous he would look if the king _was_ in there and all was well. But the only soul in the room was a lone servant woman, who was on her knees scrubbing the floor.

Arthur came thundering into the room next, almost barreling into Merlin. He looked around the almost empty room, before turning to the servant.

"The king and his son," Arthur said to her. "Where are they?"

The woman looked up politely at them. "They left early this morning, I'm afraid. Urgent and unavoidable business, you see."

Arthur and Merlin glanced at each other, before they both turned and ran out the door, leaving the unconcerned servant to return to her scrubbing.

"I knew it!" Merlin said angrily as they raced back through the endless corridors. "I knew they couldn't be trusted!"

"We don't know for certain it was them, Merlin," Arthur said shortly.

"A bit odd, don't you think?" Merlin bit back sarcastically. "Morgana's baby is gone and so are they?"

Arthur stopped very suddenly. "I'm going to get our horses…or any horses, rather. You go get Morgana and Guinevere."

Merlin nodded and ran up the stairs, breathing heavily and trying to ignore the painful ache in his side. But as he was halfway up the staircase, he bumped into an extremely anxious Gwen.

"Merlin! Merlin, I can't find Morgana, she's nowhere to be found…"

Merlin put a hand on her arm. "Gwen, it's all right…"

"One moment she was _there_," Gwen continued fretfully, "and then the next moment she _wasn't_…"

"Gwen, I will find her. If you go down to Arthur, I will find her."

Gwen eyed him suspiciously, as if wondering how Merlin could do the deed when she couldn't.

"It will be fine," Merlin insisted with a half smile. "I promise."

Gwen finally nodded and disappeared down the stairwell.

Merlin once again began his ascent to their guest wing. It was only when he reached the double doors of their floor once again that he heard the shouts of guards and the thumping of heavy footsteps charging up the stairs from a floor or two below.

Alarmed, Merlin hoped desperately that Gwen had evaded them and made it outside to Arthur safely.

/

Deep down, Morgana knew searching everywhere wouldn't help her find her baby. But she couldn't sit around and do nothing. And so she had urgently run around their floor, through the corridors and the rooms, looking under beds and into wardrobes and behind mirrors. Practically ready to tear her hair out, she looked again and again, refusing to dissolve into her salty tears just yet. She had even ventured into other parts of the castle, until she realized that she needed to go back to the beginning and find some kind of lost logic or plan.

She was back in her own room when Merlin found her.

"Merlin!" Morgana exclaimed in a terrified voice, ready to plunge into an explanation of what had happened, but she found she couldn't force the words out.

"I know," Merlin said to her, making sure his voice was soft and understanding, so that she wouldn't relieve her pain by telling him what he already knew.

Looking very lost, Morgana's eyes searched the room once more. Merlin gently pushed her towards the window, which was already open. With a pang of sadness, Merlin guessed that Morgana had looked for her baby there, as well.

"We don't have much time," Merlin said quickly as he took long strides back to the door so he could shut it and bolt it. "The guards are coming right now to prevent us from leaving."

"So how do we get out then?" Morgana asked, her wet, blood-shot eyes wide with disbelief.

Merlin walked back to her, a long length of rope in his hand, and looked out of the window.

"Are you insane, Merlin!" Morgana hissed as she looked at the alarming drop.

"Probably," Merlin admitted as tied the rope around a solid, nearby column and slung one long leg over the ledge. He looked back at her. "But do you trust me?" He held out his hand.

Morgana stared at it. Without a drop of hesitation, she knew that she did. He had delivered her baby and he was her friend and her confidant. And so, slinging a leg over the ledge as well, she took his hand, right as a loud thump shook the door.

/

"_Merlin_!" Arthur _screamed_. "What in the bloody _hell _are you doing?"

He stood beneath Merlin and Morgana, who were so many feet up in the air, dangling by a rope out of the window. He held out his arms and shouted. "Morgana, let go! Jump!"

"I'm fine, Arthur!" Morgana called down to him.

"That _idiot _is going to get you killed! You just jump down and I will catch you!"

Morgana turned to Merlin, smirked, and winked. "But Arthur," she called dramatically. "I quite like it up here."

Merlin laughed quietly before yelling down, "Why don't you climb up and join us?"

"That is _not funny_!" Arthur was red in the face. "Don't you both realize the seriousness of this situation or do you want to be caught and stabbed with a spear?"

Merlin's smile disappeared as he looked back at Morgana. "We better go down before he bursts a vein."

Morgana's smile faded as well. What had just happened? For a few moments, she had felt calm, normal, and free of worry. Guilt overwhelmed her. Her baby was missing and she was joking around with Merlin and teasing Arthur?

She realized that Merlin had that affect on her. He could make her forget her worries. He could bring her smile out and distract her. But she couldn't let him do that. She had to keep her mind on Ywaine. And so after Merlin had helped her down the castle wall and her feet had touched the ground, she walked quickly away from him.

Arthur had managed to get three horses, including one that had been wandering in the woods. Not wanting to ride with Merlin, Morgana hurried over to Sir Leon and his horse. "You don't mind, do you?" she asked Sir Leon, knowing perfectly well that he wouldn't mind at all. And she was right. He helped her onto the horse behind him and that was that.

And so, they rode away from the condemned castle where they had been unknowingly prisoners. They rode hard and fast, further from Camelot. They didn't quite know which direction they should be heading in, only that any place was better than where they had been.

The only problem now was that they had no idea where to begin looking for Ywaine. And Morgana felt almost crooked and un-proportional, feeling like she had to avoid one of her good friends – Merlin – to accomplish the task of finding her son.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I am so sorry it has taken me SO long to update. I went through some writer's block, on top of a bit of laziness and a lot of absolute excitement over the last Harry Potter movie and an amazing vacation to my favorite place ever, Disney World. But I will try not to let too much time pass between updates again, even though school starts in less than a week. So, I hope this chapter makes sense. At first, I didn't like the idea of Morgana joking with Merlin while escaping the castle, especially with her baby missing. But I felt it was necessary, because that way, she would realize that Merlin has a powerful effect on her AND that she has to stay away from him (which we don't want :) ). _


	14. Chapter 13: Cruel Discovery

_Chapter 13: Cruel Discovery_

There might have been times when Merlin was foolish, but he was no fool. It had not gone unnoticed to him how quickly Morgana had unattached herself from him the moment they reached the ground and how she had immediately sought out Sir Leon to ride with. It didn't escape him that she would not look at him or smile at him or say anything to him.

And all because he had made her laugh.

Riding a few paces away on a horse with Gwen, Merlin watched as minute by minute, Morgana began to fold into herself, not speaking to anyone or seeming to be aware of anything.

He was trying to think of where Ywaine could possibly have been taken, but it was not easy, since Arthur kept interrupting.

"Merlin, how did my father make such a speedy recovery?"

"He has a good physician."

"Why would you ride out to Camelot in the middle of the night without telling anyone?"

"I don't know."

"What were you thinking dangling the Lady Morgana out of a window?"

"I was trying to get her out of the castle."

"What about the _door_, Merlin?"

"There were guards at the door."

"What is wrong with you today?"

Silence.

/

Morgana didn't want to laugh. She didn't want to smile. She didn't want to feel glad.

She didn't have a right to do any of those things, not after she had let her own son be stolen right under her very own nose. And just as worse as that realization was the knowledge that they might not even be going in the right direction. They could just as easily be walking away from Ywaine instead of towards him.

Around mid-afternoon, after they had been traveling a good portion of the day, Arthur's voice finally shook Morgana out of her stupor.

"There!" He had shouted triumphantly, pointing towards the ground. "Footprints!"

Immediately, he had dismounted his horse to study them. Morgana had clamored off the back of Sir Leon's horse to look as well, although she wasn't sure what she had expected to find. Certainly not little baby foot prints.

"There are two sets of them," Arthur observed. "Urien and his father." He walked a short distance away, studying them. Morgana was wondering why he was even bothering to follow them when they knew the prints were obviously _there_, when Arthur suddenly yelled, "A-ha!"

Morgana ran to him, once again not sure what she was so eagerly expecting to find. Arthur was holding up a pendent that glimmered in the light of the afternoon sun. Engraved into the object was a tiny, ferocious lion and around its neck was a thin, long snake with three fangs.

It was such a small object, but Morgana felt a strange pull towards it, as if it were an important possession of hers that she did not want lost.

"Their family crest," Arthur announced, about to fling it into the surrounding trees. "They've come this way."

"Wait!" Morgana suddenly burst out.

Everyone turned to look at her.

"Let me hold onto it," she insisted, holding her hand out for it.

Arthur looked at her as if she were bizarre. "Why?" he asked, as if it were the most ludicrous request ever.

"It might come in handy," Morgana said tightly. "We might need it. Why throw away something of value?"

Arthur sighed and handed her the pendent. The moment it touched her palm, it felt like electricity coursed through her veins.

"I should have known you would want a souvenir of some sort to add to your collection," Arthur muttered as he re-mounted his horse.

They continued on their way, following the footprints. They were going at a slow pace, searching constantly for clues, and so Morgana decided to walk instead of ride. She wanted to occupy her mind by moving with her legs instead of sitting on a horse. As they walked, she fingered the cold metal of the pendent.

"Speaking of souvenirs, how is that vase you found in the hall?" Arthur asked her casually. "I trust you are getting much enjoyment out of it?"

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Of course, Arthur," she said sweetly, before allowing her mind to drift to other, more important matters.

The forest greenery around her and the dark clouds in the sky above were weighing heavily on her mood (although her mood wasn't positive to begin with). She felt very tired and her body ached everywhere. She thought constantly about Ywaine, wondering where he could be, if he was being fed and cared for…she blinked back salty tears at the realization that he could be being mistreated.

What had Urien wanted with him?

Not thirty-seven moments into their walk, there was a soft whooshing noise from above that made Morgana look up. An object was soaring through the sky, passing overhead, traveling away from the direction that they were heading in. It almost looked like…

A dragon. And someone was riding it.

Morgana looked around quickly to see if anyone else had noticed, but no one had. As the dragon disappeared, she wrung her hands together. Hadn't the only dragon left in existence been chained beneath their castle in Camelot?

It didn't matter at the moment. Morgana resolved to forget about it. All that mattered was finding her son and she couldn't be distracted again.

/

_"Morgana."_

Only a few hours had passed since she had seen the dragon and still, they followed the footprints. Very suddenly, she heard a voice say her name softly.

Morgana stopped and looked around. It obviously hadn't been any of her friends because they kept riding and no one looked at her. Timidly, she resumed walking.

_"Morgana."_

There it was again. Frustrated, Morgana's eyes combed the forest, searching for the source. Perhaps someone was following them. Perhaps someone was trying to get her attention.

Perhaps she was just going mad. Because the voice sounded an awful lot like…Urien's.

_"My voice is not coming from your surroundings, Morgana. It's coming from your own mind."_

Swallowing thickly, Morgana knew she could not speak out loud. If the voice was coming from her own mind, perhaps she could speak to it _from _her own mind.

_**"Urien?"**_

___"That's right."_

_**"What have you done with my son?"**_

___"Do not allow yourself to worry, my lady. He is safe with me. I took him away for good reasons."_

_**"Where is he? I want him back."**_

___"Oh, you'll get him back. Trust me on that one. But I've come to tell you one important detail."_

_**"And what is that?"**_

___"You're going the wrong way."_

_**"How? We found your footprints and your emblem."**_

___"You're going the wrong way still."_

_**"When I find you, I'll kill you. You have my word."**_

___"Rather harsh words, don't you think, for someone who is keeping your baby son safe?"_

_**"You lie!"**_

_ "Perhaps. But heed my warning. Turn around and travel the other way. If you continue on this path, you won't find Ywaine._

_**"How can I trust you? How do I know I'm not hearing your voice simply because I'm going insane?"**_

___"There's more to that pendent that meets the eye, Morgana."_

Morgana stopped walking once again. The pendent was magic. Perhaps that was the pull she had felt towards it. Perhaps it was enchanted; a portal of communication between two souls.

Part of her felt as if she would be walking into a trap, but she had to find Ywaine. And having even the slightest inkling that they were going in the wrong direction was too much doubt for her and not acceptable at all.

"Stop!" Morgana said suddenly and waited as all three horses halted and her four companions turned to stare at her.

"We're going the wrong way," she said firmly, hoping she sounded confident.

"What do you mean, we're going the wrong way?" Arthur asked in disbelief. "The way we are going couldn't be more right!"

"It's not the right way," Morgana said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "We must turn around."

"But _Morgana_," Arthur insisted. "We found the footprints and the pendent. Those were signs and we can't ignore such luck."

Morgana was becoming frustrated. "I have a bad feeling about this, Arthur!"

Arthur rode over to her. "You've just had a child delivered and had enormous stress put upon you, physically and emotionally. You've been walking too long." He held out his hand.

Morgana stepped back angrily. "You're trying to say I'm not thinking straight!"

Arthur opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "Turning around would go against all reason, Morgana."

Morgana opened her mouth to argue back, but Urien's voice rang through her mind once more.

_"You won't be able to sway him, Morgana. If they won't come with you, then come alone."_

Morgana didn't like the sound of those words, but she knew Urien was right. Arthur wouldn't change his mind and if she tried to go herself, she would be stopped.

Unless she did it when they weren't looking…or when they weren't aware…

…like when they were sleeping.

Already formulating a plan, Morgana nodded and took Arthur's outstretched hand. "Forgive me, Arthur. I wasn't thinking clearly."

Arthur helped her onto his horse. "It's all right, Morgana. It's understandable."

Before she could stop herself, Morgana looked behind, at everyone else, and caught Merlin's gaze.

His dark blue eyes were intense, radiating concern towards her. He knew something.

Although he was always in the background of her life as a loyal friend and Arthur's servant, she knew he was the one who sensed something was happening.

/

In reality, it only took a few more hours for darkness to fall and for the little band of travelers to find a soft, well-hidden clearing in the woods to spend the night. But it felt like days. Morgana had tried not to let her impatient agitation show, but it was difficult. They were wasting time by going the wrong way and she just wanted to leave as quickly as she could. The sooner she was on her way, the sooner she could rescue her baby.

Not feeling at all like herself, Morgana sat uncomfortably by the fire as she listened to Arthur and Sir Leon talk. Gwen repeatedly asked her how she was faring and Morgana continuously lied and said she was fine. She didn't want to talk to anybody…she was too busy listening, in case Urien's voice returned.

The minutes stretched on, one agonizing moment after another. They ate and talked and planned. Morgana was anxious for the moment when they could sleep, and she could escape.

That moment eventually did come. Morgana wrapped herself in her cloak and lay down to "sleep." In the darkness, she carefully watched her companions. She didn't like feeling so calculating and devious, but she had to do whatever was necessary to find her son.

One by one, she sensed their breathing becoming slow and even. A few snores emerged from Arthur's and Leon's still forms. Gwen sighed at one point. Merlin was quiet. Morgana waited an hour before she carefully and silently got to her feet and crept to the side of the clearing.

The forest was dark and unfriendly. She almost feared going by herself but what other choice did she have? She would never get Arthur to willingly come with her and she didn't want to be chased down by him either. She threw one last regretful look at her sleeping friends.

Morgana truly wanted to scribble a note in the dirt or leave some kind of sign that she would be all right. But she had already lost enough precious time. Without another backward glance, she plunged into the sea of darkness, ready to voyage to Ywaine.

Moments upon moments passed as she squinted into the darkness, the moon barely providing her with enough light to navigate. She half walked, half ran through the trees, stepping over branches and occasionally tripping over them as well. She looked around at times, to make sure she was alone. She was positive she was. The only sounds came from night creatures who were only too familiar with this kind of nightly scene.

Hours eventually passed. Morgana didn't even know how she knew she was going the right way. But she did know the first step was retracing her steps back towards Hen Ogledd, once again re-traveling the wasted path Arthur had led them on.

It all seemed so hopeless. Ywaine was so far away.

As her cloak and gown billowed behind her and the wind whipped her dark hair, Morgana began to get more weary and frustrated then fearful. She believed she had almost nothing to fear. Nothing mattered to her except finding her son.

That was, until a large, black mass stood in her path. Startled, Morgana stopped, breathing heavily. She couldn't see what it was, but it was huge. There was no way it was human. It couldn't be.

She stepped backwards, never taking her green eyes off of it. She watched as it stepped into the pale light of the moon and she stared at it in disbelief. Her mouth fell open in alarm.

It was a large, ugly creature. Slimy and black, with enormous claws and sharp, razor fangs, it was half reptile and half mammal, with hideous tufts of matted fur covering its body in patches. It stood on three legs and its red eyes held her in its line of vision. It smelled like burnt cabbage, squashed tomatoes, and rotting meat.

Morgana couldn't decide if it was a large lizard or a small bear. It could have been a crab too, for all she knew. Were those pincers that she had spotted, as well?

It was most definitely a monster.

It began to move towards her, surprisingly fast for its size. Morgana knew she would never be able to outrun it, and so she backed away from it, trying desperately to summon her magic. But she did not know how to control it fully and it failed her. Although she was afraid and the situation was urgent, she could summon nothing.

Very, very suddenly, just as the creature was about to catch her in its claws and she had fallen to the ground, a burst of hot fire hit the monster, engulfing it in hot, angry flames. Losing no time, Morgana instantly looked behind her, to see who had saved her. Her jaw dropped.

Merlin was standing only a few feet away, his arm outstretched and the gold of his eyes just returning to their normal blue.

Morgana scrambled to her feet and stared at him.

Merlin had magic?

No. It couldn't be. Surely, the fire had come from somewhere else and Merlin just happened to be standing there. Because if Merlin had magic, he would have told her so. They were friends and he would have told her about his magic so that he could help her with her own. He wouldn't have kept such an enormous secret from her, not when he knew it could help her. He wouldn't have lied to her.

A feeling of betrayal seethed through her skin. She couldn't deny what was so obvious. She had seen how his arm was thrown out, still tense by the act Merlin had performed. She had seen the way his eyes had lit up.

Merlin had magic.

./

Merlin had seen something dark ignite from within her, something unfamiliar. He knew that Morgana was a good person, but she had the capacity for evil. They all did. He wished desperately now that he could take back what she had seen, that he had some kind of power to go back in time and change what he had done.

But he didn't. And he knew he had left a scar.

He hadn't been quick enough to save her _and _sneak away, or even save her and put his arm down. But he had no other choice at the time. It was the only way he could save her in time.

Walking slowly, as if not to frighten a timid animal away, Merlin approached her. She was staring at him in disbelief, her green eyes wide and wild.

"You," she whispered.

"Morgana," Merlin said slowly.

"_You_ have _magic_!" she said, her voice becoming louder as anger lit up her gaze.

The fire from that same magic was still crackling gently on the ground and as the flames reached higher, the glow reflected off of Morgana's face.

"You have magic and you never told me!" Morgana took a step backward, a strange rage building in her stomach.

"Morgana, I couldn't have…"

"Yes, you could have!" Morgana snapped. "When I was feeling so alone and like a miserable outcast, you could have helped me! You could have saved me from all of the confusion and fear and despair!"

"I wanted to, I honestly…"

"You sent me to the Druids!" Morgana said flatly. "You sent me to a people outside the city walls, a people you had only heard of."

"It was the only way…"

"Hell, Merlin!" Morgana said furiously. "That's what it felt like! Absolute hell and you could have changed that!"

Merlin fell silent, knowing what she said was partly true.

"You said I would always find a friend in you, Merlin!" Morgana yelled, as her anger began to boil down and mix with her sadness. Thick tears built up in the back of her throat. "Where is that friend now?"

"I'm still here, Morgana, I'm still your friend…"

"And now my baby is gone and could be anywhere and there are all sorts of _things _lurking everything…" Morgana threw out an arm and jabbed a finger at the forest for good measure. "Everywhere! And a friend is what I need more than _anything_…" Tears finally began to stream down her face.

Morgana's words were tearing Merlin apart and he couldn't let her go on, believing such terrible things and only those terrible things. He stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and reached for her hands.

Morgana stepped away quickly, moving away from him, and Merlin caught her elbows instead. He gently steered her backwards until he had backed her into a tree.

"Listen to me, Morgana," he said in a hushed voice. "You need to listen to me, please."

Shocked by his sudden action and closeness, Morgana froze and stared up into his eyes.

Now that he had her attention, Merlin let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He stared intensely at her, not to make her uncomfortable, but to make her _understand_.

"I wanted to," he said thickly. "Morgana, you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you because I knew it would help you. I knew it would make you feel better. I knew it would lead you to acceptance and help you fight your internal battles. But I _couldn't_."

Morgana narrowed her eyes and Merlin knew she was waiting for his excuse.

"Gaius told me not to," Merlin said quietly. "He told me I couldn't get involved because it was too dangerous. He warned me _over_ and _over_ again. Nobody else knows about my magic. Nobody can, not now. Gaius is the only one within Camelot who knows and if anyone else knew, it would be too much of a risk. Especially since I serve the son of a man who hates magic more than anything…" Merlin shook his head.

"I wouldn't have _told_ anyone, Merlin."

Merlin looked down at her, before nodding. "I know."

Morgana was about to look away, but Merlin went on.

"So I reached out to you in the only way I felt I could," he said in a voice laced with confidence and sadness. "The only safe way. I told you about someone else who could help you. I was there for you if you needed to talk about it. I didn't tell anyone. I watched out for you, Morgana."

"If you had told me, at least I wouldn't have felt so alone," Morgana whispered.

"I suggested the Druids so that you wouldn't feel so alone."

"It's not the same, Merlin," Morgana said quietly, before wrenching herself from Merlin's grasp and moving towards the fire.

Familiarity suddenly washed over her. Her dream was continuing to become a reality. The yelling in the forest, the feeling of betrayal and hurt, the tears…they had all been because of Merlin.

But her visions were coming true. Morgana thought about the very last vision, where Urien had been holding Ywaine. Hope flared violently in her chest.

If everything she had seen was coming to pass, that meant that Ywaine was alive and he was all right.

It meant that she _would_ find him. But even that hopeful feeling couldn't crush the binding, despairing shock at what she had just learned.

About Merlin.


	15. Chapter 14: Found

_Chapter 14: Found_

"You need to sleep, Morgana."

She had reluctantly obeyed. Lying down on the hard, cold ground, she felt the earth's reluctance under her hip. It was not form-fitting, like her bed back in Camelot. But comfort didn't really matter at the moment.

Morgana didn't intend to sleep.

Merlin had insisted over and over that she get some sleep, and over and over, Morgana had refused. But finally, the discomfort of being near to him because he one, distracted her from finding her son because of his impact on her and two, he had magic, had caused her to submit. Close to the fire Merlin had made, right where the beast had burned, Morgana had lay down with her back to him.

Minutes passed as she clutched her cloak around her and stared into the darkness of the forest, fearing that more monsters would come out.

One disturbing thought refused to leave her alone. How had she not known about Merlin's magic? _How? _She gritted her teeth in frustration. When she was near him now, she _felt_ that magic. It had a static undercurrent that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and shook her uncomfortably. It was so strong that she was surprised she hadn't noticed it before.

"I know you're not sleeping," Merlin said quietly.

Morgana bit down on her anger, before replying.

"I don't intend to."

/

"You need to eat something, Morgana."

"No, Merlin!"

Not much time had passed and the moon was still high in the night. Merlin's blue eyes seemed to glow as he sat beside the dwindling fire. Morgana was standing, as if towering over him provided her with some vantage point, but she still felt small.

"How do you expect to find Ywaine if you have no energy?" Merlin countered.

Morgana turned away from him. He had been spending too much time with Gaius. "I have plenty of energy."

"Really," Merlin said with a hint of polite sarcasm. "So that obviously has nothing to do with the fact that you couldn't summon any magic against the beast tonight…"

Morgana spun around. "Why haven't you gone back to Arthur yet? Why haven't you tried to drag me back?"

"Because," Merlin said quietly.

The softness of his voice unnerved her. She would have almost preferred it if he had shouted.

"I'm on your side."

The fight fled from Morgana. She opened her mouth to retort, before shutting it. Before she could even think of how to feel or what to say, a voice whispered in her ear.

_"You're wasting time, my dear."_

Alert once more, Morgana lowered her eyes, not wanting Merlin to sense what she was doing.

_**"How far away am I?"**_

_"No more than an hour, I would presume."_

_**"And which direction?"**_

_ "Follow the clues."_

_**"What clues? Stop speaking in riddles and tell me where my son is!"**_

___"The clues that are right in front of your very eyes. The trail that will lead you to what you cherish most."_

"Morgana?"

_**"What trail?"**_

___"Why don't you go take a look?"_

_**"I don't know what I'm looking for!"**_

"Morgana!"

Morgana's eyes snapped open. As soon as she was fully aware of her surroundings again, Merlin dropped his hands from her shoulders. She found she couldn't even maintain her anger towards him. Desperately, she pulled at his sleeve.

"We need to go, Merlin. We need to go now." She turned and began searching the darkness for clues. Her gaze immediately fell to the ground, where a set of tiny footprints dotted the dirt.

Morgana felt as if the very breath had been knocked out of her lungs. Sinking to the ground, she put a hand to one of the tiny prints. They were clearly the prints of an infant. It could only mean one thing.

Her son was walking.

She pressed a hand to her head as she momentarily collapsed in tears at the precious moment that she had lost. A moment that belong to her and that had been delivered to the vile Urien instead. How big had her baby already gotten?

The moment was gone as fast as it had come. Before Merlin could even reach for her, Morgana was back on her feet and stalking beside the tiny footprints. She followed them, the light of the moon guiding her. For most of the hour, they followed the little prints through the woods.

/

It had been too simple. They had climbed a small, grassy hill and wandered through a heavily wooded forest. As they came to the end of it, branches formed a passage that led into a brilliant field of green and yellow. The moon lit everything and in the middle of the field of grass sat a beautiful baby boy.

Even though she was at a distance, Morgana could still see the dark, curly hair and the pale, green eyes. It was Ywaine, at last.

He had gotten so big. She had lost so much time.

Without thinking, she took off at a run. But before she had gone three steps, Merlin caught her arm and pulled her back.

Her eyes flashed as she looked at him. "What do you think you're doing, Merlin?"

"It's a trap, Morgana," Merlin whispered.

"It's my _son_," Morgana said, her voice dangerously low.

"You really expect Urien would make it this easy?" Merlin asked her.

When Morgana looked back to Ywaine, Urien was holding him.

"You see what you get when you hesitate and waste time, Morgana?" Urien called out to her. "If you're friend there hadn't stopped you, you would be holding Ywaine right now, and not I."

Morgana turned and shot an accusing look at Merlin.

"Don't let him turn you against me," Merlin whispered. "I'm here to help you, remember."

Morgana turned away from him and began to walk towards Urien. She held out her arms.

"Give him to me," she said in a quiet voice dripping with venom.

"Only if you can promise me something in return," Urien replied.

"Name your price," Morgana said emotionlessly.

"You bring Ywaine back to Camelot and introduce him to Uther. Make Uther see him as a possible heir."

Morgana said nothing. Merlin was standing behind her once more.

"No, Morgana," he whispered.

"That would do no good," Morgana said in a bitter voice. "If I go to Camelot with a fatherless child, Uther will shun me, and Ywaine will have no claim to the throne."

"Fatherless?" Urien raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "Hardly, my lady. You see, I am his father."

Morgana felt herself go down in a crouch, ready to strike. Urien's eyes flicked dangerously.

"How _dare_ you," Morgana whispered, before leaning forward and yelling, "How dare you!"

"Don't you even think of using magic on me," Urien warned. "Don't forget I'm holding your son and if you hurt me, you hurt him." He looked past Morgana's shoulder. "Let that be a lesson to you, servant boy!"

"Don't talk to Merlin like that," Morgana snapped as she held her position, feeling magic swirling in the pit of her being.

"Why are you angry with me?" Urien asked suddenly. "I gave you this beautiful son that you adore."

"Under selfish circumstances," Morgana said angrily. He was trying to distract her. She couldn't let him distract her.

"And I have kept him safe for you! Why, he even got the experience of a lifetime earlier today when he rode his very first dragon."

Morgana felt a shock vibrate down her spine. The dragon she had seen fly over them earlier…it had been Urien and her son.

"You took my baby on a dragon?" Morgana shrieked.

Urien put up an apologetic hand. "What? He liked it!"

"Don't tell me what my son does and does not like! You don't know him!"

"And neither do you," Urien spat, his eyes suddenly merciless and cold.

Morgana took a step towards them and Urien held his hand higher. "Ah now, don't forget, I can just as easily harm this innocent babe. All you need to do is make a wrong move."

"You wouldn't," Morgana snarled. "You need him in order for your evil plan to work."

"Not exactly," Urien said, his voice taking on that sickening, mock friendly tone. "You see, Morgana, since I poured so many years of my life and so much of my magic into _you_, I have eternal control over you. If I were to get rid of Ywaine here, you would just bear me another child."

"Like hell I would," Morgana growled.

"I don't know if you noticed, but that hand print on your stomach never went away," Urien went on, ignoring her remark. "All I need to do is touch my power to it and you will be pregnant again in only moments."

Morgana swallowed back her horror and tried to force out logic. "If you poured so much of your life into me, then you will die soon."

"But until I do die, I have full control." Urien smiled sadistically. "You could have ten babies and one of them would succeed in helping me take over Camelot. Ywaine here isn't quite as evil as I anticipated, thanks to your warlock friend there."

Morgana didn't take her eyes off of Urien and Ywaine, although she suddenly, desperately, wanted to look at Merlin.

"Because he delivered Ywaine, Ywaine turned out to be a decent baby," Urien said. "If I or my brother had delivered the baby, then the birth wouldn't have been quite so easy or smooth. That baby would have been brought into the world as it should have been."

His brother. Morgana suddenly remembered the deformed dog and it all made sense.

Although he was a vile dog just like his brother, she knew Urien was no idiot. She believed every word he said. And she needed to buy her time.

"Why are you doing this?" Morgana asked very suddenly.

"Uther Pendragon is the worst thing that ever happened to Camelot," Urien said without a moment's hesitation, as he began to pace to and fro across the grass with Ywaine. "The absolute worst. I mean to see him fall."

Morgana couldn't say she necessarily disagreed with him, but there was more to it than that, she knew. "What has he done to you personally?"

"He killed my mother," Urien said simply. "Before the purge, I lived with my mother and brother in Camelot. We all had magic. When the purge began, after seeing the horrible things Uther was doing to others with magic, we fled. But before we could leave the city, we were captured."

Morgana stood still, listening as calmly as she could.

"She burned!" Urien's voice had risen to an unnaturally high shriek.

Morgana shifted her weight uncomfortably. "You're mother?" she inquired quietly.

"Yes, my mother," Urien sneered. "Two knights caught us and threw my mother and brother into the nearest flames. Using my magic, I fought those same guards and tried to rescue my family. I managed to save my brother but it was too late for our mother."

"Uther didn't throw your mother into the fire," Morgana said, swallowing thickly. She didn't exactly enjoy defending Uther but she knew she had to reason with this insane man.

"Oh, but he did, Lady Morgana," Urien said bitingly. "It was under his orders to purge the city of magic, wasn't it? And so my mother was lost to us forever and my brother received ghastly deformities that would haunt him the rest of his life." He paused for a moment, before going on. "And then Uther's equally vile son killed him."

Morgana took a step towards them. "I understand you want revenge," she said. "But this is no way to do it."

"There's no other way," Urien spat.

Morgana's legs felt weak. She understood how dangerous Urien was now. She understood his motives. And yet, she still didn't have a plan.

"How did you become a prince then?" Morgana asked, hoping to delay him further.

"After we fled from Camelot, our father took us in," Urien explained hotly. "Although we were merely his bastard children, he treated us as if we were legitimate. He loved us for our magic. He loathed Uther but craved peace, and so would do nothing against him. Until now."

Morgana's eyes searched the darkness. "Where is he?"

"He's here," Urien was suddenly emotionless. "And that's all that matters."

Morgana's skin crawled at knowing there was another enemy near, one she couldn't see. She felt so vulnerable and she did not like it one bit.

It was at that moment, that Ywaine began to cry. Morgana's heart sunk. She took another step forward and thrust out her arms. "Give him to me!"

"Agree to my terms," Urien said quietly. "And I will place your son into your arms."

Morgana felt a strong sensation on her shoulder that sent a shiver down her spine. She realized Merlin had touched her.

"Don't listen to him, Morgana," he whispered.

"I wouldn't take advice from him, Morgana," Urien said loudly. "He did betray your trust after all, did he not?"

Words stuck in Morgana's throat as the white hot pain of betrayal returned to her chest. Merlin had the chance to help her so long ago. He had the chance to truly make a difference. And he hadn't trusted her enough to share his secret.

"I agree to your terms," Morgana said quietly.

Urien stepped forward and handed Ywaine to Morgana as if he were a sack of beans. Upon feeling her son back in her arms, Morgana nearly crumpled with relief. But before Urien stepped away, he grasped her arm tightly, so hard that it took Morgana effort not to cry out in pain.

"You will take him to Camelot immediately," he said in a low, dangerous voice. "You will not take any detours. Because you have that pendent, I will know where you are. If you try to dispose of it, I will know immediately and I will find you and kill Ywaine."

Morgana stared at him, disgusted. The only thing she could do was nod. Although she wanted nothing more than to tear him apart, limb for limb, she couldn't do anything to endanger her son. Submission was the price she had to pay.

Urien released her and grabbed Merlin by his collar. "I'll be taking Merlin here with me," he said as he looked down his nose at her. "To ensure you follow my orders."

Morgana wasn't sure if it was the way Merlin looked so helpless for one moment, as if he were being grabbed by someone like Arthur, or if it was some other reason, but she found herself yelling, "No!"

She felt the heat of Merlin's eyes and the ice of Urien's on her.

"No?" Urien inquired maliciously.

"I don't know the way to Camelot," Morgana added quickly. "I need him as my guide."

There was silence for a tense moment, before Urien released his hold on Merlin and backed away. "Go," he said in a hiss.

Morgana ran across the field, holding Ywaine to her, as she sought to get away from Urien. She tried not to think about what she had agreed to in desperation, and she tried not to think about what Merlin probably thought of her decision.


	16. Chapter 15: Demise

_Chapter 15: Demise_

The sky wept early that morning. Morgana wept with it.

After they had escaped from Urien and found shelter for the rest of the night in a small cave, Morgana had lay down, wrapped herself around Ywaine, and thought about what she had agreed to. She felt nothing but crippling worry for her son.

She had no intention of introducing Ywaine to Uther. But now she didn't know what choice she had.

Morgana also tried not to think about the countless beautiful moments she had shared with Merlin when she had thought he was a dear friend. She tried not to think about how he had given her a shoulder to cry on, a bouquet of flowers, and a listening ear. She tried not to think about how he had delivered her baby. She tried not to think about how sweet and innocent he had always seemed. She tried not to think about how he had told her she would always find a friend in him.

Before, Morgana had felt as if she had a wealth of wonderful memories to get her through her disastrous ordeal. And now she felt like they were false. She had re-opened the treasure chest of her mind and discovered fake gems in place of the ones she thought were genuine.

Merlin obviously couldn't have thought very highly of her if he couldn't trust her enough with a simple secret. He obviously couldn't have wanted to help her that badly, since he had merely tossed her and her problem to someone else.

. Merlin hadn't said anything to her. But she hadn't given him room to say anything. She didn't look at him or those eyes. She kept her back to him and he stayed away.

/

Merlin had made a decision. And Morgana was going to hate him for it.

When he had first learned about her magic, he had sent her to the Druids for help. And now, he planned to use the Druids to help her once more.

He didn't know if she would agree to it, which was why he wasn't going to give her a choice.

He leaned against the cave wall, watching over Morgana and Ywaine, until sleep finally grasped him.

/

Morgana guarded the magical pendent almost as closely as she guarded her son. As she and Merlin wandered through the forest that morning, she fingered it anxiously. She couldn't imagine such powerful magic that allowed Urien to know where she was just by a simple little piece of nothing.

Sometimes, she would see Merlin watching her from the corner of his eye and she would jam the cursed object into her pocket.

And so, through forest and through field, through rain and through shine, Morgana, Merlin, and Ywaine journeyed back towards Camelot. They traveled the entire day, making their way back first to Hen Ogledd, and resting that night in the cave where Morgana had given birth.

Late that night, as they sat around a warm fire, Merlin finally spoke.

"We'll be in Camelot by late morning," he said casually, the first actual, conversational sentence he had dared speak since the night before.

Morgana was staring into the fire. She nodded slowly, barely hearing him.

"What do you plan to do then?" Merlin continued.

Morgana's gaze snapped up and settled on Merlin. "What do you mean?"

"With Ywaine?"

The eerily calm way in which Morgana dropped her gaze and shrugged reminded him of Arthur. "I don't know," she said.

Uncomfortable moments passed as they sat across from each other. Ywaine slept soundly a few feet away in Merlin's jacket. Morgana continued to finger the pendent.

Merlin fingered his knife.

"Has he spoken to you?" Merlin asked quietly.

"Who?" Morgana asked tightly.

"Urien." Merlin held her with his gaze.

"How would you know if he speaks to me?" Morgana looked up at him from under her sharp eyebrows, her tone suspicious.

Merlin never raised his voice. "Why else would you have left your friends in the middle of the night? How else would you have known where to find Ywaine?"

Morgana swallowed. "By chance."

"So the pendent has no value whatsoever?"

"He uses it to track me," Morgana replied coldly, as if it were incredibly obvious.

Merlin leaned back against the cave wall and studied her. His eyes traveled to the hot flames, before returning to her face, illuminated by those same flames. "Cast it into the fire then," he said.

"What?" Morgana asked in surprise.

"Throw it into the fire," Merlin repeated.

"Is that a challenge, Merlin?" Morgana demanded.

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "I didn't mean it to be. But…"

Morgana shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I won't do it. That would be foolish."

Merlin's grip on the knife tightened. "Can I see it then?"

"Why?" Morgana snapped. "So you can toss it in the fire for me?"

"I won't do that," Merlin said honestly. "I just want to have a look at it."

Morgana shrunk back, as if she wanted to disappear into the wall. Silence rang through the cave, the same cave where Merlin had brought Ywaine into the world.

"I'm still your friend, Morgana," Merlin said, his blue eyes intense. "I know you don't believe that, but I never stopped being just that. A friend."

A dark shadow seemed to pass over Morgana's face. "I can't discuss friendship with you, Merlin," she said in a low, bitter voice. "I don't even think I know what friendship is anymore."

Merlin opened his mouth to say something back, but instead, closed it, and held out his hand. It saddened him beyond anything that Morgana would lose belief in friendship, when she had three very close, protective friends. But at the moment, he needed to focus on the task at hand. He could convince her about friendship another time.

Morgana's gaze settled on his hand. Merlin almost feared she had an unhealthy, magical attachment to the strange pendent.

It was at that moment that Ywaine woke and made a tiny sound. Morgana's face softened as she looked over towards her son, who was sitting up expectantly. Choosing what was more important to her, Morgana absently dropped the pendent into Merlin's outstretched hand, and reached for her son.

Merlin set the pendent on the dirt floor, staring at it, studying it carefully. The knife felt heavy in his hands. He looked up to make sure Morgana was occupied, and saw she was cradling Ywaine, talking gently to him and smiling.

In one swift movement, Merlin raised the knife and stabbed the pendent. A giant burst of light shot from the center, filling the cave with a blinding, ferocious whiteness. Merlin could see nothing. He could only press his back against the cave wall as the knife dropped from his hand, somewhere into the eerie light, and a wave of cold, icy air hit him. He hoped desperately that Morgana and Ywaine were all right, and deep down, he knew they would be. He had read about this before.

In just a span of a few seconds, the light turned red and the air turned into a warm fire. Over the deafening silence, Merlin heard a man's agonizing scream that seemed to come from a great distance away, as if over time and space. He suddenly grinned, knowing his plan had worked.

And a mere fifteen minutes away, Urien Rheged collapsed to the ground, meeting his death.

His father, Cynfarch Oer, fled into the dark night in fear.


	17. Chapter 16: Farewell

_Chapter 16: Farewell_

Before the fog had cleared and before Merlin could really, truly fathom what had just happened, Morgana had crawled across the cave, Ywaine held tightly to her chest, and seized the front of Merlin's shirt.

It wasn't the anger in Morgana's green eyes that made Merlin wary. In fact, there was no anger there at all…just blind desperation.

"What have you done?" she whispered in a terrified voice.

"Destroyed what was haunting you," Merlin said simply.

Morgana took her hand away and Merlin reached for the pendent, which was now a piece of gnarled, black metal. He stared at it for a moment, barely recognizing what was left of Urien's family emblem. He tossed it into the fire and Morgana let out a little gasp of fear.

Merlin knew what she was thinking – that Urien would surely find them and punish them.

"Urien's dead," Merlin said, trying to make his voice loud and strong. He couldn't entirely be relieved about Urien's death because the hardest part was yet to come. Now that Urien was dead, he could execute his plan freely.

"You're free, Morgana."

Defeated, Morgana sat down beside the fire, looking lost. "How do you know?" Her voice was too soft and her trust was too fragile.

Merlin looked out into the night. "I have a book of magic that I've read. Urien enchanted the pendent and just as he poured some of his life energy into you, he put some of that same energy into the pendent so that the spell would hold…no matter what."

Morgana turned her gaze upon him as she listened with a kind of horrified interest.

"Urien had a connection to you and he had a connection to the pendent. That connection was only made stronger when the pendent fell into your possession." Merlin shrugged, still studying the darkness. "He had given up enough of his life energy that he became vulnerable and weak. Destroying the pendent killed him."

The fire crackled in the silence as Morgana held Ywaine and thought about this.

"Merlin," she said suddenly. He tore his gaze from the mouth of the cave and looked at her.

"If…" And here, Morgana gently –yet nervously - ran a hand through Ywaine's dark, curly hair. "If I had died…would Urien have died, as well?"

"Yes," Merlin said, without hesitation.

A smile slowly spread across Morgana's face. She lay a cheek against Ywaine's head and closed her eyes in relief. "We're free," she whispered to her son.

It made Merlin's chest ache to see such relief and peace come to Morgana, only because he knew it would be taken away the next day. There was no choice.

Merlin waited until Morgana and Ywaine had fallen asleep, before sneaking out of the cave and making his way through the trees. He knew now that Urien was gone, that Morgana and Ywaine would be safe for the short time he would be away. Nothing would come into the cave or near the fire and if it did, they would meet a defensive mother who would be more than their match.

He needed to find the Druids. The task seemed hopeless, but through his magic, he felt like he knew where they would be.

They were exactly where he expected.

/

The next morning, Morgana woke to the sun streaming into the cave. A wonderful smell filled her nose and opening her eyes, she saw Merlin beside the fire, cooking breakfast. Although there was still the problem of Ywaine and hiding him from Uther, nothing could quite destroy Morgana's day. Ywaine's good for nothing monster of a father was dead and things were all right, at last. Sitting up, she put on her brightest smile.

"Good morning, Merlin!" She found she couldn't even be angry with him this morning.

It did not escape her notice that Merlin looked positively miserable. He gave her the smallest of smiles, before offering her and Ywaine breakfast.

It also didn't escape her notice that Merlin didn't eat.

Morgana slipped outside quickly after breakfast and lifted her dress to look at her stomach. Urien's hand print was gone. He was indeed dead. She let out a sharp, relieved laugh.

When they were finally on their way, Morgana forgot about Merlin's strange behavior, and bouncing Ywaine on her hip, followed a few paces behind. The fresh air made her feel rejuvenated and…happy.

On they traveled, for an hour. Morgana began to recognize the forest and knew they were getting closer and closer to Camelot.

Very suddenly, Merlin turned off onto a random path and began to wander through thicker territory. Confused, Morgana stopped.

"Where are you going, Merlin?" she called. "Isn't Camelot west?"

When Merlin stopped and looked back at her, Morgana was almost knocked off her feet by the look he gave her. His blue eyes were filled with such an intense sadness that she almost couldn't bear to look into them.

"Yes," he said emotionlessly. "But we need to stop somewhere first."

Morgana didn't ask any questions. She waded into the brush after him, holding Ywaine tighter.

Their tiny detour didn't last long, and within a few minutes, they had come into a peaceful clearing, surrounding by tall, leafy trees. A small hill ascended up into the forest and standing on the top was an old woman. She was wearing a simple, black robe and her silver hair hung to her shoulders. Her face was kind and her eyes were wise.

When she saw them, she smiled. "Good morning, Merlin," she said gently. "Good morning, Morgana, and Ywaine."

Morgana stepped closer to Merlin. "How does she know us?"

Merlin looked up at the old woman. When he spoke his voice was quiet, remaining between them. "Morgana, this is Calatin. She is a respected elder among the Druids."

"The Druids," Morgana repeated, keeping emotion out of her tone. Merlin knew she was thinking about her own magic and experience – how he had directed her to them.

Merlin suddenly turned to her, his discomfort vanishing for the moment. "Morgana, you and I know that Ywaine will not be safe in Camelot."

The meaning of his words dawned on Morgana. She took a step back.

"Calatin can give him a good home among the Druids," Merlin continued. "A safe home."

Morgana stared up at him, motionless. She could barely breath. Only one though swam through her clouded mind: that she had finally found her precious son, and now he was being taken away again.

They stared at each other for approximately thirty quick moments, while the old woman waited.

Finally, Morgana drew a gasping, ragged breath. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. She closed it once more.

Merlin was not able to keep the anguish from his own eyes any longer. He stepped close to her, almost as if to embrace her, but he kept his arms tightly at his sides. He put his head next to hers and looked over her shoulder.

"Morgana," he whispered. "If we don't do this, then what will become of Ywaine?"

Morgana closed her eyes. The pain at losing her son, mingling with the pricking sensation of Merlin's magic, was overwhelming her.

"What kind of life can he have in Camelot?" Merlin continued to whisper, staring at a tree just beyond. "Living in danger under Uther's nose every day? He would never be able to stay hidden in the castle and even if he were to stay somewhere in the city, he would be discovered. Somebody would notice his rapid growth rate. Someone would raise an alarm."

A single tear slid down Morgana's face as the truth of Merlin's words threatened to drown her.

"The Druids can help him understand the magic within him," Merlin whispered sadly. Morgana, her ear directly beside his, strained to hear him, lest his words be carried away with the light breeze. "He'll be free to live fearlessly and fully."

Morgana didn't like it but the truth was overpowering. What choice was there? She would have desperately wanted any life for Ywaine, any life that was not in Camelot. She would give anything to keep him away from Uther and his hatred of magic.

This was her chance.

She wiped her tear away briskly and moving away from Merlin, she began to climb the hill to where the old woman waited patiently. She reached the top in five, short strides. She looked directly into the woman's lovely gray eyes and instantly trusted the woman.

Morgana didn't trust easily but the powerful and motherly kindness that radiated from Calatin assured her. This woman could give Ywaine the life that Morgana herself could not.

"Morgana," Calatin said gently, putting a hand on Morgana's hand. "We will take care of Ywaine and give him the best life that we can. We will teach him and he will grow, safe and loved. And if ever you feel you need to see him, you will know how to find us."

"How?" Morgana asked desperately.

Calatin patted Morgana's hand. "You'll just know."

Morgana looked down the hill at Merlin, before turning to look into her son's beautiful, green eyes. He smiled up at her.

She hugged him tightly to her and Calatin respectfully stepped away.

"Ywaine," Morgana whispered through thick tears. "Oh, Ywaine. What a miracle you turned into."

She leaned her head against his and gently rocked him. "Whatever you do and wherever you go, I want you to remember one thing. That I love you more than anything and if things had been different, we would have been very happy together."

Ywaine's little fists caught her hair. Morgana sniffled. She had never felt more distraught in her entire life.

"But you'll still be happy," Morgana whispered, hoping her words would have an effect and stay with him, for his entire life. "I know you will." Not able to stand saying goodbye any longer, she kissed his forehead as her chin crumpled dramatically and the tears blurred her vision. "I love you, Ywaine. Goodbye." And she handed her son, whom she had known for such a short time, over to the woman who would protect him from that day forth.

"It'll be all right," Calatin said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. She nodded towards two horses that were at the bottom of the hill that Morgana hadn't even noticed before. "Have a safe journey and remember, you know how to find us."

Morgana nodded, whispered a strangled thank you, and took off down the hill. She swiftly climbed upon one of the chestnut horses, and without one backwards glance at Ywaine, she rode hard and fast into the forest, the way they had come. She knew if she dared to look back, she would never be able to tear herself away.

She knew she would never be the same. And although she felt as if Calatin and Merlin had both simultaneously sucked the life out of her and broke her heart into tiny, sharp little pieces, she couldn't blame them. It was for the best.

Morgana knew Merlin was somewhere behind, following her. She halted her tears for the moment, concentrating on getting back to Camelot, trying to suppress the intense emotional pain and letting the tears on her face dry.

Finally, she reached the small field right before the entrance to the city. She sensed that Merlin was still a bit behind her and she wondered if he had kept his distance to give her time to herself. She looked up at the castle looming in the distance, before she dropped her head over the horse's and let out one, anguished and broken sob.

Life wasn't ever fair, was it? Nothing could ever go right, could it?

When she heard the hooves of Merlin's horse approaching, she swallowed her grief once more and lifted her head. Arthur had once told her she was a warrior and she had to get through this, at least until she could convince Uther she was all right and could retreat to her room for as long as she wanted.

She had to put on an act once more.

* * *

><p><em>AN: This was a really difficult chapter to write because personally, I dislike goodbyes. :( Thank you so much for the adds and reviews, I appreciate it so much._


	18. Chapter 17: Coping With Farewell

_Chapter 17: Coping With Farewell_

Morgana stood staring up at the castle, trying to fight her trembling lower lip and watery eyes. She leaned against the horse that had brought her there, back to Camelot, for fear that if she let go, she would dissolve into a puddle of despair. One would have thought that she would have been pleased to be home, where she could have a bath and sleep in a comfortable bed and have a change of clothes every day.

She would have traded all of that to live in the wilderness with Ywaine.

The first thing she would need to do once she was in the castle was report to Uther, to show him that she was indeed in one piece. She would have to have an excuse for her distraught appearance and an especially good excuse if she suddenly burst into tears in front of him.

"Merlin," Morgana said, not taking her eyes from the castle.

She felt Merlin turn his full attention towards her.

"Will you do me a favor?" she asked, keeping her voice low and level.

"Of course," Merlin replied immediately.

Morgana narrowed her eyes. "I need you to lie to Uther for me."

There was silence for a brief moment, before Merlin nodded.

"We need to tell him I've hurt my leg badly," Morgana continued. "And that's why our return has been delayed. And that's why I…" Morgana stopped, afraid of how silly the next part would sound.

"Look like you're in so much pain?" Merlin finished for her.

Morgana nodded quickly. Merlin _got_ it. She was so relieved that he did.

Without waiting for him to act, Morgana slung an arm around his neck and lifted her right foot off of the ground. Merlin took her left hand with his, and wrapped his right arm around her waist. They were close, but even that closeness could not fill the void that Morgana still felt was between them.

They made their way towards the castle steps. Thankfully, not many people were around.

Morgana's plan was becoming more difficult than she thought. Getting up the stairs on one foot, even with Merlin's help, was an obstacle in itself. She was almost sure that their journey would be easier once they made it through the doors and onto level ground, but she was wrong.

Her foot caught the hem of her dress, and she tripped, falling into Merlin, who fell into the stone wall to their left.

"Sorry, Merlin," Morgana murmured, flustered. He nodded as she pulled him upright, and they once again set off for the throne room, where Morgana was certain Uther would be.

"Morgana," Merlin whispered as they got closer.

"What?" Morgana asked under her breath as they passed people who bowed respectfully to her and looked concerned at the same time.

"You're limping on your bad leg."

Morgana craned her neck to look up at him. "What are you talking about?"

"When we came into the castle, your bad leg was your right one," Merlin said in a low voice. "Now it's your left one."

Morgana was too tired and torn to even care. "Well, it's my left one now, then." She turned away, but not before she saw the amused smile that lit up Merlin's face for a moment.

They finally reached the throne room and the guards opened the doors for them. As they slowly limped, shuffled, and practically waddled into the room, Uther rose from his seat. Arthur almost toppled right out of his chair at seeing Merlin and Morgana.

Through her anguish, Morgana felt relief. She had often wondered if Arthur, Gwen, and Sir Leon had made it back to Camelot safely. But that anguish was still so great that she couldn't even feel properly amused at seeing Uther so horrified. She clung to Merlin as Uther and Arthur rushed over to her.

"Morgana," Uther said in a worried, hushed voice. "What happened?"

"I hurt my leg," Morgana said, keeping her eyes on the floor.

"How?" Uther demanded.

Morgana looked up and caught Arthur's concerned glance. It only reminded her of her son…_everything_ reminded her of Ywaine…and feeling a fresh wave of grief, she pressed her lips together and looked back at the floor.

Merlin seemed to understand that if she opened her mouth that she would begin to wail…and perhaps never stop. "She fell off her horse," he said, taking over the lie.

Uther turned to Merlin, as if noticing for the first time that he was there. "How were you both separated from the group?"

Merlin swallowed. "Bandits," he lied.

Arthur raised his eyebrows. Merlin couldn't tell if it meant he was pleased at such a clever excuse or appalled at such a ridiculous one.

Uther bought it immediately. "Of course," he agreed, before turning back and taking Morgana's hands. "You must be in so much pain," he said sympathetically, if it was even possible for Uther to hold any sympathy in his black soul. Morgana could only nod as a few stray tears escaped.

"We must find Gaius," he muttered to Arthur, who nodded. "Please help escort her to his chambers."

"Wait," Morgana said suddenly, in a voice that sounded positively strangled.

Everyone fell silent and waited to hear what she had to say.

"I'd like to go to my own room, "she whispered, before adding, "please." She hoped Uther couldn't see that she was trembling.

Uther nodded and before anything else could be said, Merlin turned and helped Morgana out of the throne room, sensing that she was at her wit's end. Past the guards they went and down corridors until they reached a secluded staircase. It was here that Morgana let go of Merlin and dissolving into tears, ran up the stairs.

"Morgana!" Merlin called, his hand on the banister as he contemplated whether to follow her or not.

He felt a hand whump him on the shoulder.

"What happened?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin put a hand over his shoulder. "That hurt, you know."

"Where is Ywaine?" Arthur asked, ignoring him.

Merlin looked up the stairs where Morgana had vanished, before looking back at Arthur. "He's gone," he said bitterly.

Arthur stared at him, as if he didn't understand what Merlin had just told him. "Well, where did he go?"

"The Druids took him," Merlin replied, distracted, as he wondered what to do. Perhaps they _should_ find Gaius…

As Arthur continued to shoot questions at him, Merlin hurried to the chambers he shared with Gaius. Gaius would know what to do to soothe Morgana.

/

"I'm sorry, Merlin, but there isn't anything I can do."

"What?" Merlin said desperately. "Why not?"

"There's no immediate cure for heartache," Gaius replied, shutting the book he was reading. It snapped close with a snap and puffed dust in every direction. "The most I can do is give her something that will help her sleep peacefully."

Merlin sat at the table and put his head in his hands. Gaius reached across the table and put a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"But Merlin, you can help her," he said gently. "As can we all. We can be her friends. We can make sure she does not suffer alone."

Merlin looked up. Gaius was right. He scrambled up from the table and was out the door before Gaius could say another word.

/

Merlin did not stop running until he reached the door to Morgana's room. He skidded to a halt, almost falling over, and leaned against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. The door was slightly open and the sound of Morgana's sobs floated out through the crack.

Straightening up, Merlin very slowly pushed the door open and looked inside. He saw that Morgana was not alone.

Gwen was sitting on the bed with Morgana, holding her tightly and smoothing her hair comfortingly. When she saw Merlin in the doorway, she shot him a sad look. Merlin understood. He felt the same way.

Walking carefully into the room, Merlin reached out his hand, not entirely sure what he was doing. Perhaps if he touched her, or used their connection…perhaps he could temporarily make her feel better or send comfort her way.

His hand had almost reached her shuddering spine, before he pulled it away. Gaius had said she needed to do this on her own.

Instead, he sat on the floor next to the bed, hoping that Gwen understood that he would stay with them in case he was needed. Only moments later, Arthur arrived and dragged a chair over to the bedside.

They stayed with Morgana well into the night.

/

Morgana had never cried so much in her entire life. In the past she had sometimes been dramatic and sometimes tears were just necessary, but she had never felt quite this heartsick. When she wasn't sobbing, she was lying still, exhausted, trying to block out all thoughts. Sometimes, she fell asleep. Sometimes.

The first few days melted into each other and Morgana could barely tell when one day ended and the next day began. She was aware that she was never quite alone and she was almost grateful for that. Almost.

What she became most aware of more than anything were the arms. Usually, she was cradled in a pair of arms, although they sometimes were different. Usually, they were Gwen's. Her arms were small, but they were strong, and they kept Morgana locked in a tight, but comforting, grip, as if afraid she would fall to pieces if not held tightly enough. Morgana didn't mind the tight grip, because sometimes she had no strength to even cling back, and also felt she would fall apart if not held upright. She would also feel Gwen stroke her hair and she felt like a child, comforted and safe.

At times, they were Arthur's arms, not holding on as tight, but no less strong. He was a muscled knight and Morgana felt like she was tucked into a safe corner where nothing could quite reach her…nothing except sorrow. He patted her back at times, as if he were unsure he was really a comforting presence, but he was. It was only when in Arthur's arms that she felt herself being rocked back and forth, calming her mind, making her sleepy.

And sometimes, it was Merlin's arms, his grip not as tight as Gwen's but not as loose as Arthur's. His was in-between, perfect in some kind of strange but wonderful way. Morgana would sometimes feel a light weight on the top of her head, and knew he was resting his cheek there. He wouldn't say anything but Morgana would feel his magic, crackling lightly, entwining her in its fingers. It calmed her. Despite feeling that Merlin was not quite the friend she had thought he had been, she could never force him away. She needed any comfort, his comfort, anything.

The days drifted on.

/

Gwen opened her eyes wide. She had almost fallen asleep, but had caught herself at the last moment. Although Morgana's bed was comfortable and it was late in the night, she couldn't let herself be pulled under into the sweetness of sleep.

Although it was Merlin's turn to watch over Morgana for the night, Gwen couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. Arthur had already left to get some sleep and Gaius had already stopped in to make sure Morgana would be comfortable for the night and Gwen could have left for home, too. But she didn't want to, not just yet.

She was worried.

She was lying on Morgana's bed, her cheek pressed against the fine fabric of a large, overstuffed pillow. Merlin was sitting up next to her, leaning against the pillows, and Morgana was curled up between them, asleep. Gwen held her hand.

"What are we going to do, Merlin?" Gwen asked quietly, her brow furrowed in worry.

Merlin's gaze drifted down to Morgana's sleeping form, before returning to Gwen's face. "I don't know, Gwen. I think we're doing all we can, according to Gaius."

"It's been almost a week," Gwen said. "I just wish there was something else we could do."

She hoped it was at least a comfort to Morgana having them around most of the time. Morgana had not yet thrown them out and seemed to want them there, although she hadn't spoken much since she had returned. At first they had tried to give her some privacy and keep some distance, sitting in chairs or on the edge of the bed or on the floor, watching over her and hugging her when she needed it. But as the days went on, boundaries had melted into nothing, and they often would squish upon the bed together or hold her hand. They become more intimate, wanting to be there as much as they could.

"I know," Merlin agreed. It didn't escape Gwen how weary he looked, as if something was weighing very heavily on his mind, although she couldn't imagine what.

"Why don't you sleep?" Gwen suggested. "I don't mind keeping this watch."

Merlin looked over at her again. "Gwen, you need sleep."

"I think you need it more," Gwen teased with a small smile.

Despite everything, Merlin smiled a little bit, too. It faded as he once again looked at Morgana.

"You don't want to leave her," Gwen guessed.

Merlin nodded.

"I don't either," Gwen said, making herself more comfortable on the bed, letting Merlin know that she wasn't going anywhere.

For the first time in days, Morgana slept through the entire night, with Merlin and Gwen spending the night with her.

It was a small improvement, but an improvement nonetheless.

/

Morgana knew some people would never understand why the loss of her son had thrown her upon her sick bed, as if he had died. They would never understand why she couldn't quite function, why life was so suddenly unlivable, why she became a shadow of her usual self. They would say that she could find her son at any time and visit him whenever she wanted to – the wise Druid woman had said so.

But another thing they could never understand was that Ywaine had an unusual growth rate and would have a short life. He would get dramatically older every day and eventually die. It was only a matter of time.

She would never get to witness his first words or watch him grow into the handsome young man that she knew he would become. Once destined for evil, he would be the epitome of kindness. Morgana wondered if he would meet a lovely girl whom he adored and if they would get married and have a family.

But all too quickly, Ywaine would grow old. In practically no time at all, he would grow into an old man, and would look more like his wife's grandfather than her lover. His family would lose him before his time. Would he even be able to live a normal life?

Morgana knew she would outlive her son. And perhaps that fact is what hurt most of all. Ignorant people might claim she could go find him whenever she wanted but there wouldn't _be_ many opportunities to find him. Only a few, if even those.

One day, when she hoped to find him, even if she had already seen him a few times before, she would find him dead. One day, she would find Calatin and sorrowfully, Calatin would tell her that her son had passed on. Morgana would kneel over his grave and weep.

And it was that image that sent her into a fresh wave of grief every time and she fell into a pair of arms and tried to forget.

/

After a time, Morgana grew tired of her bed and she grew tired of being a recluse. Despite the grief she still carried within her, she began to feel a tiny bit better and very restless. She started to move around her room and look out the window. She didn't need someone to sleep with her at night. She would sometimes venture into the hall. She would smile at Uther so he wouldn't remain too worried.

Sometimes, she really wanted to be alone. She would smile at her friends and assure them she would be all right. And once they reluctantly left, she would drift over to her heavy, red curtain and sit behind it, on a huge, red stuffed pillow. She would sit there and think, or she would sit there, and not think. It was the same place she would hide when she was pregnant and wanted to be alone. For some reason, it comforted her to be there now.

It was truly becoming her sacred, special place, until one day, she heard footsteps enter her room. They approached Morgana's hiding spot as she waited in dread. And then, the owner of those footsteps knocked politely on the stone wall. Morgana knew who it was.

"Come in," she said weakly.

Merlin pushed aside the curtain and smiled down at her. "Some things never change," he said, amused.

Morgana tried to smile, but couldn't. She nodded in agreement, staring at her lap.

Merlin sat next to her on the floor, letting the velvet curtain close to conceal them. Morgana noted that the Merlin she had known when she was pregnant would not have been quite as bold. But this Merlin, whom she had been through so much with, would be.

She was still angry with him and she still felt like things would never be the same between them. But she somehow felt closer to him. It didn't make any sense at all.

"How are you doing?" Merlin inquired.

Morgana sighed. It was more like a frustrated huff of breath.

Merlin gave a solid nod. "I see."

"I'm not happy, Merlin," Morgana said fiercely. "I don't suspect I ever will be again."

"That's not true," Merlin said, his light-hearted attitude disappearing.

"How do you know that?" Morgana demanded to know, running her finger over the smooth velvet fold of the curtain.

"I just know," Merlin replied confidently. "Morgana, you will be happy again. You deserve to be. You're one of the strongest people I know and you'll be able to put this behind you and go on."

Morgana was momentarily touched by his words, until she remembered his betrayal. She looked over at him suddenly. "Why do you care so much Merlin?"

"Because I'm your friend, Morgana."

Morgana looked away.

"Why else do you think I've helped you?" Merlin asked, and Morgana felt the intensity of his eyes.

"Pity," Morgana suggested.

Merlin suddenly got to his feet and stared down at her, making her feel small.

"I know you are still thinking about the secret I kept from you," he said quietly. "But it doesn't mean I'm not your friend and that I don't care. You can't really think of me as being some kind of heartless, magical monster."

Morgana stared up at him, unable to look away.

"Perhaps one day you'll feel the extent of how much I care," Merlin continued darkly. "If you could feel it, the force of it would blow you away, Morgana. I swear it would."

Morgana suddenly remembered how she always seemed to feel the intensity of his magic, but she couldn't bring any words forth to tell him that. She swallowed, the unsaid words sticking uncomfortably in her throat.

Merlin left then. And it was at that moment that she started to realize, perhaps he was truly her friend. Perhaps he had a good reason for keeping his secret.

And she knew then, without a doubt, that she had hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

* * *

><p><em>AN: We are quickly approaching the end of this story. One chapter left! _


	19. Chapter 18: The Extent

_Chapter 18: The Extent_

Morgana was used to awkward situations ruling her life with an iron fist, but the awkward situations with Merlin had become unbearable. They weren't cute awkward anymore. They were just…skin-crawling awkward.

They weren't exactly speaking.

It didn't help that she saw him on a daily basis. It didn't help that she saw him everywhere. Yet, he wasn't the one who was avoiding her. She often felt his eyes on her, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't. She kept her eyes away and her mouth shut, his last words to her echoing in her mind.

_Perhaps one day you'll feel the extent of how much I care. If you could feel it, the force of it would blow you away, Morgana. I swear it would._

A few days after the confrontation, Morgana was feeling particularly hopeless. Constantly thinking and worrying about Ywaine was wearing her down. Not having Merlin around to actually confide in was bothering her. And her sadness was overbearing.

When Morgana had first returned from her journey, she wouldn't leave the confines of her room. And now, she couldn't get herself to stay within the castle walls. That day, when the sun was setting and its glow was sweeping across the almost empty streets of Camelot, Morgana made her way down the front stone steps of the castle and out into the city.

Although she wandered throughout the twisting streets of the city and as far away from the castle as she could, her thoughts still followed. She walked slowly, staring off into space, absent-mindedly twisting a piece of her long, silk sleeve around her fingers.

She only stopped and stayed still when she heard hysterical shouting. Allowing her eyes to finally come into focus, she saw a woman not much older than herself frantically pacing the almost empty market square, obviously searching for something very important.

The woman was calling out a boy's name and Morgana suddenly understood. This poor woman's child was missing. Morgana began to step towards her, wanting desperately to help, but not knowing how.

She knew how it felt to lose a child.

And suddenly, a little boy with dark hair _just _like Ywaine's ran out from a side street and catapulted himself into the woman's arms. The woman began to cry in relief as she planted kisses all over the boy's shaggy dark head. And then the woman took the little boy's hand firmly in her own, scolding him good-naturedly, and led him out of the market square.

Morgana realized only dimly that she was on her knees, staring at the place where the scene had just occurred. Suddenly exhausted, she dropped to the side to a sitting position, staring after the mother and son, tears streaming down her face.

The market square was now empty. Everything went out of focus again as despair once again consumed her.

Quite suddenly, she thought she heard Merlin's voice, only it wasn't his voice repeating the last words he had spoken to her. This was something new. He sounded worried, but why?

Why should he be?

She felt hands on her, as if someone was shaking her, trying to wake her up. But she couldn't get herself to surface. She wasn't sure if she wanted to.

/

Although Merlin recognized that there was something odd going on between him and Morgana, he still worried for her, which is why he had decided to follow her into the city instead of polishing Arthur's armor.

He had seen the scene unfold with the woman and her child and he knew what Morgana was thinking and feeling. As she hit the ground, he had dropped to his knees beside her, talking to her, gently shaking her.

Merlin saw that she had fallen into one of the trances she was now so custom to, and he moved so that he was directly in front of her. It still did nothing. She was there physically, but mentally and emotionally, she was somewhere else.

He didn't know how else to reach her. He didn't know how else to help her. There was one idea in the back of his mind but it was in the _back_ of his mind for a reason. He had pushed it there. But perhaps it could help her come back to the present.

Gaius would not be pleased.

But there had been a time when this had helped before. When Morgana's labor pains had first begun and she had slipped underneath into a world of unconsciousness, Merlin had done this to bring her back. He had used their connection. It had worked when she was unconscious. It would have to work now when she was semi-aware.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers.

/

And that's when Morgana felt as if a jolt of lightning had paralyzed her entire body.

She was hit right in the chest with what seemed like a thousand different emotions all wrapped into one distinct and confusing feeling. The warmth of it spread throughout her body, almost pleasant, yet turning freezing cold and uncomfortable at times.

It pierced her heart yet warmed it. It soothed her soul yet twisted it. She felt it wrap completely around her entire body like a safe blanket, but it also felt like it was strangling her.

She felt love, hate, confusion, fear, despair, determination, and above all else, a feeling of understanding and _caring_ that that made her ears ring and her mind buzz. She felt so safe, yet she felt as if she were dangling at the edge of a cliff.

The force of the emotions were pressing against her, threatening to flatten her to the ground, or perhaps blow her away…

Morgana snapped out of her trance and found herself looking directly into Merlin's blue eyes, his forehead pressed against hers.

_Perhaps one day you'll feel the extent of how much I care. _

She now understood Merlin's warning perfectly.

_If you could feel it, the force of it would blow you away, Morgana. I swear it would._

She was almost horrified, yet fascinated. She didn't understand what had just happened, but she did understand that she had somehow been thrown into a sea of what Merlin felt.

Morgana heard thundering footsteps approaching and Merlin pulled away abruptly, getting to his feet and pulling her up with him. Arthur came to a breathless halt beside them.

"What happened?" he asked urgently.

Morgana lifted her gaze to Merlin's, trying to find her voice. When she finally succeeded, she could only murmur quickly, "Nothing."

As Arthur put a secure arm around her and firmly led her back towards the castle, Morgana threw a look over her shoulder. Merlin was following them, but keeping his distance, his eyes on the ground. Morgana could not stop thinking about the force she had felt. And at that moment, she really, truly understood.

Merlin did care.

/

The next day, during the waning hours of a late afternoon, Morgana sat in the field at the outskirts of Camelot. Her sadness had dulled a bit, allowing her frustrating confusion to take over. Today, she almost felt angry. She had way too much to shoulder on her own without having to sort out Merlin's feelings too, of which she was still feeling the after-effect of.

Morgana sat and dug into the ground with a stick, for no apparent reason other than the fact that she could. Occasionally, she stared into the forest hopefully, as if she expected Ywaine to come running out of the cover of trees.

She wasn't at all surprised when she heard soft footsteps in the grass and felt the close proximity of magic that made the hairs on her arms stand up on end. The footsteps stopped directly behind her.

Morgana froze, her eyes staring at the forest from under her dark eyebrows, as she waited.

"You're late," Merlin's voice informed her.

Morgana's lip curled into a sneer. "I'm not coming."

Merlin's voice was calm and firm. "They're worried about you, Morgana. You did say that you would be there."

Morgana stabbed her stick forcefully into the ground.

Merlin made no move to leave. His shadow towered over her.

"Shall I go back and tell them that you prefer to sit in this field with your thoughts and a stick and torment yourself further?" He almost sounded like he was chiding Arthur, the manner in which he spoke was so casual.

A flame of anger came alive in Morgana's chest, before it diminished. "I don't care what you tell them," she replied. She was in no mood to dine with Uther and Arthur.

Merlin stepped forward and sat down across from her, so that she was forced to look at him instead of the forest. He reached over and took the stick from her. Morgana had no choice but to pay attention to him.

His look softened, along with his voice. "I can take you to see him."

_Ywaine._

Morgana felt as if the frown was plastered permanently on her face. "That would do no good," she said in a dark voice.

"Why not?" Merlin challenged her.

"He's going to die, Merlin," Morgana said heatedly. "Continuing to see him will only make it more difficult to say goodbye when that day comes."

Merlin lightly weighed the stick in his hands. "So that's what this is about."

"What?"

"You're afraid to visit him because you fear becoming more attached?" Merlin guessed.

Morgana nodded.

Merlin leaned forward. "All you've been thinking about these past few days is Ywaine's death. Why not think about his life?"

"What do you mean?" Morgana asked him.

"Morgana, you keep thinking about how his life is going to be so short and how he is going to die sooner than all of us. You should think about what a happy life he is going to lead until then and celebrate that."

"I don't know how," Morgana whispered.

"You do," Merlin said firmly. "Visit him. Make the most of every moment with him. Cherish him while he is here."

"I don't even know how to find him," Morgana shot back desperately.

"You'll never know unless you try," Merlin said quietly.

Everything was silent except for the wind gently swaying the tree branches to and fro. Morgana knew Merlin was right.

"I'll never stop wondering why he never became as evil as Urien said he would be," Morgana said softly, her gaze falling to the grass between her and Merlin.

"Fire always defeats ice," Merlin suggested.

Morgana glanced up. "What?"

"I've felt Urien's magic," Merlin said. "It was ice-based. His heart was ice."

It made sense. Morgana remembered the morning she had awoken in Urien's castle to find the fire in the hearth frozen over. That was the morning Ywaine had disappeared.

"Your magic is fire," Merlin continued. "You hold love for living things. You're passionate. If you throw a chunk of ice into flames, the fire will only consume it."

Morgana nodded. Ywaine had received more of her traits than Urien's.

"Gaius recently told me that if a man impregnates a woman who has no magic with his own magic, the baby will turn out more like him," Merlin said. "But if the woman does have magic, she has a chance of having a baby more like her."

It all fell together. Morgana realized she was a rare exception to that spell. She realized she was lucky.

Merlin suddenly threw the stick into the air. Morgana watched as he looked up and his eyes flashed golden. But instead of a stick dropping back into his hands, Morgana saw that a beautiful reddish-orange flower had. He handed it to her with an awkward smile.

Despite everything, Morgana felt herself smile as she took it. Her smile fell from her face instantly as she stared at it. "Who can teach me to control my magic, Merlin?" she asked suddenly. "Do I need to seek the Druids again for that reason?"

"I can teach you," Merlin offered.

Morgana looked up hopefully. "Really?"

"Under one condition."

Morgana narrowed her eyes. "Name it."

"You dine with Uther." A smile twitched at the corners of Merlin's mouth.

Morgana sighed. "Fine."

Merlin got to his feet and held out a hand to help her up.

Morgana felt a renewed sense of hope. Forgetting about sorting out Merlin's emotions, or even asking him about them, she followed him back to the city gates, twirling the flower in her fingers.

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><p><em>AN: So I know I said this was the last chapter but...I lied. There is one teensy, little chapter left after this. :)_


	20. Epilogue: And What Morgana?

_Epilogue: And What Morgana?_

The pounding of Morgana's bare feet echoed through the wide corridors as she ran, her white night dress flying behind her. Just like she had so many weeks ago, she had woken up from a dream…a _vision_…and rolled out of bed, with one goal on her mind: to reach Gaius's chambers.

The moon crept in through the windows, lighting her path. So intent on her purpose was she that she didn't see the ugly purple vase that had been placed just a tad too far out into the hall. She tripped over it, falling into the nearest wall.

This whole pregnancy-baby-heartache ordeal had started for her with one of those stupid, purple vases of Uther's. Clenching her teeth, she thought about it and then, relaxed.

She would let this one live, she decided.

Thinking once again of her dream, Morgana pressed her head against the stone and smiled.

_She was in the forest and she was beyond hopeful. She was holding tightly and nervously to somebody's warm hand. She was thinking that she didn't know what she would do if this didn't work._

_The clearing was much too big. She almost felt as if she would be swallowed up by it, if her own anxiety didn't swallow her first. And then…_

_A little boy burst from the trees, running towards her. A smiling old woman followed behind, keeping her distance. _

_The little boy had curly, dark hair that bounced as he ran and his green eyes were lit up in excitement. Hardly daring to breathe, Morgana let go of the hand and knelt to the ground. Did he remember…? Although her arms felt heavy, she opened them wide, unable to keep an excited smile from her own face._

_The little boy leapt happily into her embrace and threw his little arms around her neck. "Mother!" he squealed in her ear._

_Morgana hugged him tightly and laughed as a few stray tears ran down her face . "Ywaine!"_

_She scooped him up and spun him around as he giggled. He was so happy, so full of joy…_

_And he knew who she was…_

Morgana set off at a run again as the joy of her dream welled up inside her, over and over again.

So intent was she on getting to Gaius's chambers, to find Merlin, to tell him about her dream, that she didn't notice the dark shape that loomed ahead. She crashed right into it and heard the sounds of heavy objects falling to the floor.

Morgana squinted in the darkness as the shape knelt down to gather what looked like armor, and in the shifting moonlight, Morgana found exactly who she was looking for.

"Merlin!" she exclaimed as she got down on her own knees and threw herself at him in excitement. She felt him slowly put his arms around her in return, as if he weren't really sure what he had done to deserve such a welcome.

"Merlin!" Morgana said more urgently, pulling back and clinging his jacket. "I had a dream! I had a _vision_."

Merlin froze and waited, looking as if he was not quite certain if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Morgana lowered her voice to a whisper, her eyes wide in disbelief. "I found him. I found Ywaine. And he was happy! He knew who I was."

Merlin's face slowly broke into a smile.

Morgana sat down completely on the stone floor of the hall. "I'm going to see him again, Merlin!"

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again as a new smile forced his words away. It was a few seconds before he could find his voice, along with what he wanted to say.

"I…I'll take you to see him, if you want."

Morgana remembered how she had been holding on to a supportive hand in her dream, and she realized whose it was.

She smiled genuinely, finally becoming calm once more. "Thank you, Merlin." She let her gaze drop to the armor on the floor, with the thought that she should help Merlin gather it up. But among the glinting pieces lay a red rose.

Morgana opened her mouth to tease Merlin about who he could possibly be bringing a rose to in the dead of night, but as she lifted her eyes to his, she felt suddenly paralyzed. He stared back as he slowly picked up the rose and held it out to her, his blue eyes burning, before an awkward, shy demeanor took over and he smiled and blushed slightly.

Morgana suddenly felt very strange, sitting on the ground in her nightgown, her dark hair everywhere, taking a rose from Arthur's servant…

…who also happened to be one of her best friends.

As the night slowly wore on, Morgana sat in the cold, stone corridor with Merlin, among Arthur's scattered and forgotten armor. They discussed every detail of their new plan to find Ywaine. Morgana trembled with cold and excitement. Merlin's magic seemed to radiate out and warm her with his support, friendship and…

_…and what Morgana?_

Morgana was too content and overwhelmed with everything that had happened in the previous few weeks to think about much more. And yet…

_…and __**what**__ Morgana?_

That question would be a story for another time.

_The End._

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><p><em>AN: I know, I know, that ending was probably a bit unfair and cliff-hangerish and vague. But I think it's rather suggestive and speaks for itself. I love the idea of Mergana but when I write, I can't help but keep it a little out of reach or just underlying. But it's there! So, I had so much fun writing this fanfic. SO much fun. I can't really believe it's done, but I suppose now I can move on to my other, neglected Merlin fanfic...maybe. Thank you so much to everybody who added this story, reviewed this story, and read this story. I appreciate it SO much._

_Happy Holidays, everyone! :)_


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